USA Today: Nearly 40% Say Marriage is Becoming Obsolete

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by Lamar Tyler | on November 18th, 2010 | 12 comments

From USA Today:

Marriage is increasingly optional and could be on its way to obsolescence,according to a survey of more than 2,600 Americans that examines changing attitudes about relationships today.

Among the 2,691 adults surveyed by the Pew Research Center last month, 39% say marriage is becoming obsolete, up from 28% who responded to the same question posed by Time magazine in 1978.

“If four in 10 are saying it’s becoming obsolete, they’re registering an awareness of a very important social change,” says Paul Taylor of Pew. “It doesn’t necessarily mean marriage is about to disappear or has disappeared.”

Census data reflect a declining percentage of married adults: 54% in 2010, down from 57% in 2000 and 72% in 1960.

Click here for the full story…

BMWK family, what can be done to reverse the trend?

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

http://www.izania.com Roger Madison

When I saw this headline, I thought, “What an ominous trend.” In an effort to reverse the trend, my wife and I attend an annual “Midwest Marriage Retreat” that is attended by about 120 to 150 couples. Most of us are older, but there is an indication that younger couples are becoming interested in saving their marriages by hanging out with folks who are committed to each other for life. But the trends toward single parenthood (and the challenges that come with this trend) seem to have affected our communities like a plague.

I saw an interview of the author of the study earlier today on a news show who spoke about some of the underlying indicators. The most disturbing is that those marriages that are occuring today serve to increase the gap between single parent lower income households, and two parent households. The poor are not marrying and working together towards upward mobility.
Marriages are coming later and tend to be characterized by two financially successful people. So, the children of single parent households — whether never married or divorced — suffer lower economic status.

More importantly, the moral or spiritual foundation for marriage seems to have lost its foothold in society. It is no longer taboo to be an unwed mother, nor for people to “shack up.” The recent announcement of the engagement of Prince Charles in England came with the observation that he and his fiance are already effectively living together. The big wedding is just a display for the commoners.

If marriage becomes obsolete, that will spell the end of any moral compass for our families, communities, and societies. The end of society as we know it won’t be far behind.
http://www.izania.com Roger Madison

When I saw this headline, I thought, “What an ominous trend.” In an effort to reverse the trend, my wife and I attend an annual “Midwest Marriage Retreat” that is attended by about 120 to 150 couples. Most of us are older, but there is an indication that younger couples are becoming interested in saving their marriages by hanging out with folks who are committed to each other for life. But the trends toward single parenthood (and the challenges that come with this trend) seem to have affected our communities like a plague.

I saw an interview of the author of the study earlier today on a news show who spoke about some of the underlying indicators. The most disturbing is that those marriages that are occuring today serve to increase the gap between single parent lower income households, and two parent households. The poor are not marrying and working together towards upward mobility.
Marriages are coming later and tend to be characterized by two financially successful people. So, the children of single parent households — whether never married or divorced — suffer lower economic status.

More importantly, the moral or spiritual foundation for marriage seems to have lost its foothold in society. It is no longer taboo to be an unwed mother, nor for people to “shack up.” The recent announcement of the engagement of Prince Charles in England came with the observation that he and his fiance are already effectively living together. The big wedding is just a display for the commoners.

If marriage becomes obsolete, that will spell the end of any moral compass for our families, communities, and societies. The end of society as we know it won’t be far behind.
http://www.izania.com Roger Madison

When I saw this headline, I thought, “What an ominous trend.” In an effort to reverse the trend, my wife and I attend an annual “Midwest Marriage Retreat” that is attended by about 120 to 150 couples. Most of us are older, but there is an indication that younger couples are becoming interested in saving their marriages by hanging out with folks who are committed to each other for life. But the trends toward single parenthood (and the challenges that come with this trend) seem to have affected our communities like a plague.

I saw an interview of the author of the study earlier today on a news show who spoke about some of the underlying indicators. The most disturbing is that those marriages that are occuring today serve to increase the gap between single parent lower income households, and two parent households. The poor are not marrying and working together towards upward mobility.
Marriages are coming later and tend to be characterized by two financially successful people. So, the children of single parent households — whether never married or divorced — suffer lower economic status.

More importantly, the moral or spiritual foundation for marriage seems to have lost its foothold in society. It is no longer taboo to be an unwed mother, nor for people to “shack up.” The recent announcement of the engagement of Prince Charles in England came with the observation that he and his fiance are already effectively living together. The big wedding is just a display for the commoners.

If marriage becomes obsolete, that will spell the end of any moral compass for our families, communities, and societies. The end of society as we know it won’t be far behind.
http://twitter.com/discussionking Just Me

“The end of society as we know it won’t be far behind.” – What you drinking brother? You a bit extra this morning…

I see your point tho.. just not that severe. You all over the place in those few short paragraphs.

Question: Why are young couple ‘saving’ their marriage by going to the retreat? Not saying they aren’t, I just didn’t know that was the goal/purpose for all.. you learning me dis moanin?

Obsolete may just be the right word. Sad as that is… many of us are holding strong to value/activites of the old days… and can’t find enough people serious enough about holding on to them with us.

Fail.
Thanks for sharing Roger.

http://www.izania.com Roger Madison

Hey “Just Me”,

I try not to be prone to hyperbole, but it is scarry to see a generation where 72% of our children coming to school from single parent homes. It is scarry to see so many young Black boys killing each other. It is scarry to see so many baby daddies who are also deadbeat dads. The society that my grandchildren are living in and going to school with is very different than when I went to school in the 50′s. It ain’t your grandpa’s world.

The recent marriage seminar focused on strengthening marriages by inviting a guest speaker who is a Christian author who specializes in saving troubled marriages. The topics and presentations helped good married couples see some of the warning signs for troubled marriages. The younger couples were able to see and hear testimonials from older couples about traps to avoid and actions to make their marrages stronger.

Yes, obsolete is a reflectiion on the good old days. Some things are just not easy for an old timer like me to adjust to.

Thanks for your comments.

http://mommy-daddyphd.blogspot.com Bryan

I don’t think this is a big deal. We have to realize that the purpose of marriage is changing. What is the motivation for getting married now, love, companionship, finding an emotional partner. Historically, those haven’t been the reasons people got married. It was a financial decision, with both the man and woman getting something out of the partnership. It was important to continue the species or the growth of the community. Things are different now. If you can make it on your own financially, or be a single parent, then you will be less motivated to get married for these non-emotional reasons.
http://www.gwenpeake.com/ Gwen Jimmere

I really fail to see how 2,691 people is the most accurate depiction of what the majority of America thinks. I’m more interested in what 26,000 people have to say. There were 2,500 people in my high school. So, the survey sample was pretty much the same number of people in my high school. Try again.
T. Rogers

I respect anyone who doesn’t want to get married. Just do society a favor and avoid having any kids. Study after study shows that kids who come from married homes are much better off than single parent homes, or homes were one parent is in and out of their lives. I know people will throw out their anecdotal examples to the contrary. However, I am not talking about the exceptions. I am talking about the norms.

If people were as adamant about not having kids as they are about not getting married maybe the youth of our country would be better off.
http://mommy-daddyphd.blogspot.com Bryan

Actually, from a scientific and statistical standpoint, all it takes is anywhere between 1000-1500 people who are randomly selected to represent this countries population. A good survey, where the questions are properly created and the survey respondents are chosen randomly really can represent the views of the country. I know that people have a hard time accepting this, but such a small number of people basically have the same views as the whole country. Mathematically, this survey is overly ambitious, which validates their conclusions even more (I have not read the actual study, I’m just commenting on their sample size).
http://www.familybootcamp.com Heath

I’ll try to keep this brief without being redundant. The statistical decline in the number of marriage per year vary based on race, sex, and income (1). So there really are 2 or 3 different realities, depending on your demographic. However, the socio-dynamics that are the cause of the decline in marriages are: individuals marrying later in life, women not getting remarried after divorce, increase in long term domestic relationship (couples choosing to just live together), lifetime singleness (not married by age 45). (1)

These socio-dynamics affect everyone accross the board. However, depending on your race, sex, or income level, one socio-populus is more adversely “affected” [marries less, divorces, remains unmarried] than others. For example, women are more adversely affected than men. Blacks more adversely affected than whites. Low income or more adversely affected than middle and upper income. (By and large, black women are the most adversely affected out of all the groups, especially low income black women)(1)

Given these varying dynamics, I would the proffer this conclusion to notion of marriage’s obselesence: To say marriage is becoming obselete is a mis-direction – that is, a mis-direction in perception. Marriage is a static entity – it neither increases nor deacrease. It is no more likely than the entity of motherhood or fatherhood becoming obselete. What is meant by their question is the number of people entering in and exiting out of marriage is decreasing. However, the obselesence statement posed in the survey falsely assumes a certain number, percent, or range for people entering and/or staying married. Statistical data has already identified who is entering/exiting marriage, but the real question is “Why are they entering marriage?” and “Why are they not staying married”. And the most important question that gets to the crux of the issue, “Why factors are affecting one’s decision to marry/divorce?” My thinking is, these factors are just as varied as there are demographics socio-dynamics.

1. Pompeno and Whitehead (2009). The State of Our Unions: Marriage in America 2009. National Marriage Project and the Institute for American Values
http://www.happilymarriedafter.org David Patrick

I appreciate the hype of today’s marriage news, but I wrote a response to the news here: http://happilymarriedafter.org/2010/11/19/over-60-say-marriage-is-not-becoming-obsolete/
DanaB

In order to reverse this trend in our community we need to see more images of happily married African American couples. On screen we are bombarded with the message that Black men are dead beats, down low, or prefer white women coupled with the message that black women are bitter, controlling, untrusting, and that the good women are wasting their time waiting for a “good” Black man and should open up their options to different races.

These images are infecting the community.