Head of Household
This is the first post of many from new BMWK contributor Edward C. Lee. Please welcome him in the comments section.
By Edward C. Lee
The generally accepted definition of “Head of Household” as the IRS sees it is the person that earns more than half of the income in the household. I fully understand both the meaning and intention of the IRS’s designation and definition. However, as a husband and father don’t we want to be more than just the guy that makes the money. Of course there are plenty of heads of households that are women too. Whatever your gender, the Head of Household status carries with it, the weight of providing spiritually, emotionally, physically, and financially. The head should be the one leading in goal setting, planning and pouring into the lives of everyone in the household. But…How? Where is the time, the energy…
At 6 a.m. every morning I become “Dad” the hallway soccer player, golf partner, basketball instructor, all around jungle gym, book reader, and drummer. Blend in prayer time, words of encouragement, discipline, and it makes for quite a start to the day. This is all simultaneous with the equally important and time intensive role of being “Husband”.
Then I get to work, where I become counselor, speaker, manager, teacher, planner, etc, etc, etc…Which keeps me away from the home and my family until about 10 p.m. three to four times a week.
Surely, my daily itinerary is not any more intense than anyone else’s. But personally, it all works together to cause me to ask at least once a week, “How do I balance my ever colliding worlds, inside and outside of the home?” Am I spending enough quality time as father and husband while being everything else outside of the home? There are things that need to be accomplished, goals that need to be met and money to be made, so we can eat. But yet I ask, how does all of that “getting and accomplishing of stuff” play out with the development of my family?
I have come to realize that there are no cookie cutter answers or boiler plate solutions to finding a semblance of balance while leading the people you love. The way my dad led our household was awesome, and provides me with a good model of a head of household. But my dad and I are different people. My wife is not like my mother and my son is not exactly like my sister and I were (he does act a lot like me though). Sometimes my wife needs a push other times, a pull and other times I need to go in the opposite direction – LOL. I have found that knowing what everyone needs at the right time is what it means to be the head. In the past I would force the issue because of a book or some principles laid down by someone else.
So here are the two points of clarity that I have learned about being the Head of Household, thus far:
- Know your “people”. Learn them before, and continually, as you are trying to lead them.
- Spend time. Take time, save energy to pour into them. As parent and spouse each member of my family needs my time. I used to look at time spent as time away from xyz, but I have learned to see it as an investment. Take time to set goals, plan, and sometimes just be present. Both my wife and son have their own color on my calendar. I need to see as many yellow and red dots on the calendar as I see for meetings and stuff outside of the house.
So how about you BMWK family, what does it mean to be head of household for you? And equally as important what creative ways do you try to balance being the head and earning the bread?
Edward is an ordained minister, pastoral marriage counselor, and author of the first of its kind marriage book, Husbands, Wives, God: Introducing the Marriages of the Bible to Your Marriage. To learn more about Edward and Husbands, Wives, God go to edwardclee.com or follow on facebook at Husbands,Wives,God.
Comments (21)