by Linda Dominique Grosvenor
Marriage was created to be a lasting institution; however, in this age of modern conveniences, people tend to put less and less effort into making a marriage work.
But for those who want to make it work, avoid the pitfalls and grow older and deeper in love, here are 5 reasons why even seemingly loving marriages fail.
People come into the relationship determined not to change. Some people are so stubborn, prideful and set in their ways that nothing you tell them or show them in black in white is going to change them. They don’t want to hear about compromising, or least of all make the effort to compromise. When you come into a relationship not willing to compromise or hear the other person’s point of view to possibly work out an issue, it’s really over before you even say “I Do.” Marriage in essence “is” compromise, so, those entering in marriage with the intentions on remaining unchanged are strolling in the wrong park.
Sometimes people believe the negative stereotypes they’ve heard about marriage. For example, when you get married you’ll have almost no sex or when you have children the quality time an attention between the couple will automatically decrease -then they’ll start living and acting it out. Couples need to refuse to let stereotypes seep into their marriage, mainly because a husband or wife is not going to spend the entire marriage trying to prove wrong the stereotype their spouse has bought into. You don’t get married to prove something – that adds unnecessary stress.
Every couple prepares for the glorious wedding. They get the color scheme just right, make sure they’ve got everything they want on the bridal registry and that their bridesmaids are all lined up in a row, but many fail to plan for their marriage. Lots of people get married simply as the next step after saying “I love you.” Many have no vision for the marriage itself. They can’t even guarantee that they’ll grow old with their spouse because they haven’t thought that far ahead. Marriage takes learning and continuous growth. Talk about the future, your desires and dream before you tie the knot. Invest in your own marriage. The dividends will be a lasting marriage that will be a testimony for many who don’t believe an institution like marriage really exists anymore.
Many couples, although they’re individuals with free will, fail to be honest about who they really are and what they really want when they’re dating. The person they marry doesn’t even fully recognize them once they’re married and their true personality emerges. You’ve heard people say, “He changed after we got married,” when in actuality their true personality emerged after the marriage. If you want someone who is compatible with you, show them who you are from the beginning. That is one of the main ingredients for a happy marriage.
If you’ve ever seen a couple where the man and the woman do what they want, with whomever they want, it is clear that there are no boundaries in that relationship. Marriages in which the couple refuse to sit down, talk and set boundaries have a greater chance of ending in divorce. Not setting boundaries is like not having a fence around your house and leaving your front door wide open–anybody can walk in and rifle through the things you hold dear. Boundaries are designed not to keep tabs on your spouse or limit them, but rather to keep those who may not value the marriage as much as the couple does, completely out.
Linda Dominique Grosvenor is the author of The Plural Thing: Spiritually Preparing for Your Soul Mate (Feb 2010) that has been called, “unadulterated spiritual relationship guidance for modern times.” Her expertise on dating and relationship issues have been used in articles for publications such as Modern Bride, Honey magazine, The Houston Sun and MORE Magazine. She is a blissfully happy wife married to her soulmate Calvin and enjoys writing books that help assist people with having the best relationships of their lives. Visit her website at http://www.LindaDominiqueGrosvenor.com/.
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