Ladies, I’m here to tell you – it used to make me crazy uncomfortable that my husband had so many female friends.
He’s a very, very nice guy so he has a TON of friends – male, female, black, white, Asian, old, young. In general, he is well-regarded by everyone he has ever met.
So it’s no surprise that as the “nice guy” everyone knows, he has more than your average number of female friends around. I’ve since learned to get over it, but there were two definite truths I had to accept before I was able to be buddy-buddy with the “other” women in my husband’s life:
1) These friendships served a purpose. Whether I was ready to hear it or not, his friends gave him support through good times and bad. When his mother died, his friends (male and female) banded together and took care of him, taking turns to check up on him to make sure he was okay. When he graduated, his friends were so proud of him.
2) These friendships were in place long before I arrived on the scene. So while it was always awkward to hear their “inside jokes” about events that took place before I knew him, I realized that they have history together and no amount of pouting from me was going to change that. So it was best to just ask questions or get clarification so I didn’t feel excluded.
If you understand those two points and you’re still not too thrilled about the friends of the opposite sex, here’s three more tips for you:
1) Figure out what your real problem is. Are you nervous that one day, like Sanaa and Taye in “Brown Sugar,” they will realize they are perfect for each other and leave you in the dust? If so, you need to get over it. Whether it happens or not is not your concern and trying to block their friendship only adds stress to your plate.
2) Create boundaries that make you more comfortable. Tell them that texting makes you uncomfortable and would prefer if they only spoke on the phone. Lunch meet-ups are acceptable, but dinner dates are a no-go.
3) Befriend their friend. If they call the house to speak to your spouse, chit-chat with them for a minute first. Ask how they’re doing.
Overall, if your spouse is keeping your relationship their priority and is doing their best to make you comfortable, it might be in your best interest to build yourself a bridge…and get over it.
Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer and blogger living in Ohio with her husband and two children. Visit her blog (she promises you’ll like it) to read more of her observations about life, motherhood and love.
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