What Are Your Thoughts On The “Princess Boy”?

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by Tara Pringle Jefferson | on January 10th, 2011 | 20 comments

by Tara Pringle Jefferson

I know I’m a little late to the party on this one, but I had to take a few days to digest what I saw on the news and come to a logical, well-formed conclusion.

By now you’ve probably heard about the “Princess Boy,” a young 5-year-old boy who prefers to dress in “girls” clothing. Sparkles, heels, the whole shebang.

The mom has now written a book, “Princess Boy,” and has been on major TV shows chatting up a storm about how she came to love her son for who he is – pink tutus and all. Instead of just allowing him to wear whatever he wants at home, he wears what he likes all the time – at school, at the store, at the library. Wherever. It appears his mom has made it her mission to get people to open their hearts and not be so close-minded when it comes to gender roles and expectations.

On one hand, I can get down with her message. I want my kids to feel free to do what comes naturally to them. If my son likes carrying around his sister’s doll, or my daughter would rather play with trucks, that’s fine with me. I want to embrace their individuality and not keep them confined to society’s limitations on what boys can do or what girls can do.

But on the other hand, I want my son to feel safe and protected at all times. A little brown boy with a penchant for things that sparkle? That comes with a ton of added scrutiny that I’m afraid he’s just not ready for. What will middle school be like for him? What if he changes his mind and is embarrassed by his mom’s turn in the spotlight (albeit on his behalf)? How does a mother guide her son as he gets older? There are no easy answers.

BMWK family, how do you feel about this? Should kids be allowed to “be who they are” or should parents guide them until they’re much older?

Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer, blogger and PR professional living in Ohio with her husband and two kids. She’s also Managing Editor of BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com. Follow her on Twitter or check out her blog for more insights on love and family.

About the author

Tara Pringle Jefferson is managing editor of BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com. She’s also the author of Make It Happen: The Young Mommy Guide To Creating The Career You Crave. Follow her on Twitter or check out her blog for her insights on what it means to be a mom, wife, student, writer, and about three other labels she’s too tired to remember.

Smooth

Parents are to lead our children, how does a 5 year know what is best for them, they do not!
The Bibles tells us to train up a child not to exploit them to make a beter life for ourselves.
So if he wanted to take drugs would that be okay, too?
Mandy

She should definitely wait until he is old enough to make his own decision on the way he will dress. Right now he will not be able to handle the scrutiny of his peers, they will look at him as if he is a freak because its not part of the “norm”. As a mother your supposed to protect your children at all cost and not leave them out in the world to be ridiculed.
NotTheMama

When I was in college, men wore jeans with sparkles in them, bought all sorts of airbrushed and studded stuff, wore pink, purple and everything in between, and even wore beads in their hair. That’s LA for you. Never struck my fancy, but what do I know?

Now men wear skinny jeans and scarves. If a boy these days was wearing a tutu, I think I would hardly notice.

Sign of the times.

Maleness is not defined by colors or fabrics anyway. If parents teach their children to be openminded and tolerant, this becomes a non-issue.
Gigithetreefrog

. If that little boy changes his mind in a few years and decides he likes football then fantastic, I’m sure his mom will support him in that, as well. He would have nothing to be embarassed about. This is what he likes now, so let him have his time in the sun. I can’t believe what a big deal people keep making about this. Whether it’s a passing phrase (my three year old son was fascinated by my eyeshadow for about a month. I’m not encouraging him to “come out of the closet” just yet, though.) or if he really does feel better in a role that is traditionally female that is his business. That is something he needs to work out with God. (And yes, I believe God loves the LGBT community as well). The media has no place in the equation.
http://twitter.com/ajajackson Aja Dorsey Jackson

“The media has no place in the equation.”
I wholeheartedly agree with this which is why I think that his parents shouldn’t have put him there. No one would be making a big deal about this if his mother hadn’t used the opportunity to write a book about it and put him in the spotlight. I wouldn’t let my son dress like a girl, but that’s not the problem I have with this.
My issue is that on the off chance that this little boy is just going through a phase, there may come a time when he doesn’t want the fact that he was once “The Princess Boy” to be knowledge to everyone in America. There are lots of things that I’m sure I did at age 5 that I wouldn’t have wanted everyone to know by the time I was 13. If this is the way his parents choose to handle this, to each her own. But parading him around like the poster child for transgender children is what I think is not ok.
http://twitter.com/Wallys_wiFE Sharita

I think that she is pimping her son out for a few dollar and in a couple of years she will have to deal with the damage she has caused. Her husband has been emasculated and sits still while his wife confuses his son.

Although society has blurred the gender line it is the responsibility of the part to explain the role of man and woman to the child.
http://www.mochamoney.com Alonzo

I think I’m a little old fashioned here but my boy would not be wearing a dress in public. Five year olds do not have the mental capacity to understand what is acceptable. That’s what parents are for.
concerned

I am a little reluctant to share my politically incorrect view, but if I do not who will? Unfortunately, this is a great example of the permissive parenting style which has left the millenial generation without a moral compass. I have an adorable grandson that loves pretty things because he knows that mom and grandmom love pretty things; however, we provide guidance on what is designed for girls and what is for boys. Moral development does not just happen, it must be intentional. Too many parents let the kids have the steering wheel way too early. Be a parent.
Gigithetreefrog

I agree with that, because as I said my toddler’s fascination with a few things feminine did not have me ready to send his audition tape to RuPaul’s drag race just yet. My comment was mostly in response to all of the negative things I have heard people saying about his parents allowing him to wear what he wants. My first goal is my son’s comfort and happiness (within reason, of course) so if he wants to wear a tutu that’s all him and I dare someone to say something to him about it.
caribba

Why do we set our kid up to be damaged psychologically then complain about the results? Guidance is the role of a parent. Lazy parenting if you ask me is leading to alot of problems with our children
H1ydrippa

i think he should be able to dress and be comfortable however he likes, his parents should be there to protect him from mean and insensitive people.
Anonymous

My son carried a baby doll until he was six years old and occasionally asked me to paint his toe nails yellow. He grew out of it and is now a straight almost seventeen year old that just finally got a decent sense of style (quite fashionable). However, even if he had not grown out of it, that would be fine, too. I can not imagine anything worse than telling my child that who they are is just not acceptable to me. I am not talking about behaviors. This goes further than behavior. A person’s gender identity is not a behavior or a character defect. It is part of who they ARE. I will never be okay with being one of the large number of people that make such unsolicited, hateful and ignorant judgment calls on someone.
http://theyoungmommylife.com Tara Pringle Jefferson

@concerned – You write: “I have an adorable grandson that loves pretty things because he knows that mom and grandmom love pretty things; however, we provide guidance on what is designed for girls and what is for boys.”

My question to you (and I’m just curious, not picking a fight): Who designed things for boys and girls? Why is pink a “girl color”? It’s what happens when you mix red and white. What is feminine about it, when you really dig down to the core? Why is blue a “boy color”?

Also – why is society much more lenient on girls who dress like boys (tomboys) than vice versa? I’m curious…
Exigence

Exactly. Amen. I saw them on one morning show and the little boy wasn’t feeling very princessy that day. Will she supports her child when he decides he wants to play football and wear sweats, and cancel all the interview requests and book sales drop??
Anonymous

The main problem I have with this is not so much that the little boy likes to dress up. It’s that they allow him to do so in inappropriate places. Dress up at home is fine. But school and in public is not. Little girls don’t wear their dress up clothes to school or in public. And just because he wants to is not an excuse. How often do we condemn parents whose teenage daughters “want” to wear booty shorts and cut off shirts with cleavage hanging out everywhere to school. It is inappropriate. Or should we let those girls “express themselves” and “be who they are” too?
Cheryl

I agree. I don’t have an issue with him dressing up during play time at home, or even at school- that is what 5 year olds do. I have a 5 year old that insists on wearing fairy wings and a crown every chance she gets. However, when she is going to school, or shopping, or church, she has to wear what is appropriate. Play clothes are for playing is what I tell her. To make this boy the poster child for transgender people is wrong. He is far to young to know what that is, and the ramifications of such a choice. It seems to me he is just being exploited by his parents.
http://twitter.com/ajajackson Aja Dorsey Jackson

I think if you replaced him wearing girl dress up stuff to him dressing like spider man or a Ninja Turtle everyday it would be just as innapropriate. There is a difference between playing dress up and wearing your every day clothes in my opinion.
Kisha

Excellent. Parenting means providing rules and guidance and I think you’re example is the perfect rebuttal for those that feel he’s just expressing himself.
MommieDearest

But unfortunately his parents can’t be with him 24/7. Will his parents stay at school all day with him? Will they be with him at recess? If the little boy wants to dress up like a girl, and his parents want to supp ort that, then fine. But let him do it at home where he is guarenteed to be safe. It is unfair and irresponsible to subject a 5 year old to needless public scrutiny and ridicule from his peers. I also agree with others here who disagree with the mother writing a book and putting her son on front street. What happens when he is in middle school and gets called “Princess Boy” all day, every day? His parents better invest in some karate and kick-boxing lessons for him because he will have to fight every day. Kids are cruel.
http://www.politicalseason.blogspot.com PoliticalSeason

Agree. Its a mistake to indulge this 5 year old’s behavior in this manner. She’s not doing him any favors and I don’t know how in the world the father stands by for this nonsense.