Money Monday: Are Weddings Worth the Price?

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by Alonzo Peters | on January 31st, 2011 | 27 comments

When Chelsea Clinton said “I do” to Marc Mezvinsky the marriage tab totaled between $3 to $5 million. Compared to that, the marriage nuptials of LaLa Vasquez and NBA star Carmelo Anthony were a relative bargain at a price a little north of $100,000.

While most of us don’t have $100K laying around to splurge for a white wedding, the average cost of an American wedding still rings in at the breathtaking sum of $24,066. And that’s before the engagement rings and honeymoon.

You have to wonder why so many of us are willing to spend the equivalent of a down payment on home for one day’s worth of activity?

Nothing signifies our complex emotional dance with finances more than weddings. Rational thinking would suggest better ways for a couple starting out to spend their money.

But weddings are charged with the same type of emotion that convinces us to purchase larger homes than we can afford, expensive cars we have to lease, and shopping sprees charged on credit cards.

How many young women have envisioned that perfect church wedding since they were little girls? How many fathers could care less about the costs as their little princess strolls down the aisle?

And for these reasons many families pay a King’s ransom. Never mind that the bliss of a single day can create years of suffocating debt, putting the young couple in a financial hole even before they start out.

In many respects a wedding is the first joint financial decision a couple makes together. A sign of money patterns to come. Will saving ahead for big purchases become the norm or credit become a way of life? Will the couple live in the moment or have the foresight to plan for the future?

Granted, for some couples that single fairy tale day full of flowers, doves, and horse drawn carriages is well worth the cost. Yet some of the most memorable weddings I’ve attended were small intimate affairs without the live band, exquisite chicken dishes or open bars.

The focus was on the love of two people committed to spending the rest of their lives together. And a massive pile of debt isn’t needed for that.

So BMWK – do you think weddings are worth the money? Is the fantasy of a huge white wedding hype or worth every cent? Did you have a huge wedding or was your day of bliss done on a budget?

About the author

Alonzo Peters is founder of MochaMoney.com, a personal finance website dedicated to helping Black America achieve financial independence.

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http://thelonghaulproject.com/ Melissa Dowler

Great post on a subject I find so interesting. It’s so easy to get caught up in the feeling of having to have “the best” of everything for your big day. What you don’t always realize is that often the best isn’t the most expensive. Adding creative touches yourself or calling on talented friends and family to pitch in can make the day much more special than if you just throw money at it. My best wedding memories have nothing to do with the things we spent a lot of money on, but instead the heartfelt speeches, friends and family dancing together like they’d known each other for years and all the laughter and love that the day generated. Plus, there’s nothing good about starting your married life in debt!

http://www.mochamoney.com Alonzo

So true bigger is not always better. The “best” can be something simple. I actually prefer attending less lavish weddings, especially when you can tell the couple really loves one another.

TheMrs

I look around at the different weddings that I have attended, the pictures of family members’ weddings in my parents photo albums and of course all the celebrity weddings on the web and have come to one conclusion, bigger isn’t always better. 2 of my cousins were married in the same year well before my birth, probably 1970-72; 1 had a very simple wedding themed around family and simplistic while the other cousin had the Rolls Royce, doves, many-tiered cake, etc. Even the descriptions from family members said how awesome and show stopping the latter wedding was. The simple nuptial couple is still together today while the over-the-top couple have been separated since the early 80′s and was riddled with problems from the beginning.
Too many couples pay alot of attention to the wedding and not to the vows and continuing to build that relationship; the wedding is over, the honeymoon is a thing of the past, and you know have to deal with every day life. Your wedding should be a reflection of the life that you have and that time, so if you make $20,000 a year you should not be spending anywhere near that amount on a wedding. There are plenty of ways to work within a smaller budget and still have an awesome wedding….
Cheryl

In my opinion, lavish weddings are not worth the money for the most part. With regard to Chelsea Clinton, her situation is not the norm – her mom is the sitting Secy of State, her dad a former president. There are going to be alot of “important” people, necessary security issues and folks invited for political purposes.

For the rest of us mere mortals, it would be better to do a party that you can afford outright – no credit – and take a marriage counseling class! When we got married, there were plenty people upset that we did not have a big bash. Instead, we used that money as a downpayment on a home, and to purchase a used car. To me, when all the chicken and green beans are done and the dj packs it in, the only thing you both have is each other. Who needs a mountain of debt?

http://www.mochamoney.com Alonzo

Smart move using the money to pay for a down payment and purchase a car. Too bad more of us don’t follow your example.

M.Phenomenon

Good stuff. I would like to add that it’s pointless to have those huge weddings anyway because most of the people coming don’t give 2 cents about your marriage. People usually come there because they want 1) free food, 2) something to do, or 3) to be seen. My wife and I started off with a small informal ceremony and later had a bigger one. Even when we had the bigger one, it wasn’t over the top. But it seems that no matter what, few people are truly happy for you. I rather save my money than to spend it on the people who don’t care about us.

http://www.mochamoney.com Alonzo

I couldn’t agree more. Its funny how people spend money to impress others who are going to be critical no matter what you do. Truth of the matter, real family and friends could care less about the decorations, flowers, or cake. They’re there to share a special day with the ones they love not to be impressed by fancy place settings or open bar.

M.Phenomenon

Good stuff. I would like to add that it’s pointless to have those huge weddings anyway because most of the people coming don’t give 2 cents about your marriage. People usually come there because they want 1) free food, 2) something to do, or 3) to be seen. My wife and I started off with a small informal ceremony and later had a bigger one. Even when we had the bigger one, it wasn’t over the top. But it seems that no matter what, few people are truly happy for you. I rather save my money than to spend it on the people who don’t care about us.
http://funkidivagirl.com Funkidivagirl

I had a big wedding, so I can say that no, they are not worth the money. But that is in retrospect. At the time I wanted that fairytale experience. Now, I would get married on the beach….more my style.
Grace

My husband and I had an inexpensive and private beach wedding because we did not have the finances and did not want to take on the stress of planning a large wedding. What I did not want was: to spend a fortune, to be stressed about having to invite our whole creation so no one would feel left out, not getting the eat the expensive reception meal because we would be so busy greeting our guest, doing an awkward father daughter dance with a dad who was only around when he wanted to be, being the center of attention, picking the wedding party with no hard feelings…and the list goes on and on! We saved our money and bought a house instead….but to each her own!
Grace

My husband and I had an inexpensive and private beach wedding because we did not have the finances and did not want to take on the stress of planning a large wedding. What I did not want was: to spend a fortune, to be stressed about having to invite our whole creation so no one would feel left out, not getting the eat the expensive reception meal because we would be so busy greeting our guest, doing an awkward father daughter dance with a dad who was only around when he wanted to be, being the center of attention, picking the wedding party with no hard feelings…and the list goes on and on! We saved our money and bought a house instead….but to each her own!

Cynthia

I couldn’t agree more! I have a huge family all of who wanted to come to the wedding……… we decided, lets just get married in front of our parents, siblings and best friend. We saw too many of our friends spending so much on one day only to call it splitsville a year later.

http://www.makesmewannaholler.com EPayne

I got married in Barbados on the grounds of a private villa for next to nothing by typical wedding cost standards. It was intimate and beautiful. To this day people see our pictures and ask how we pulled it off on a shoestring budget. I actually wanted it to be smaller than it was (40 people in attendance) because some of that big wedding hysteria did manage to creep in. If I had it to do all over again I would do it the exact same way, except for getting involved in the latter stages of the wedding planning versus the very beginning.
Dimples_76

Great article and comments. I, once went to a wedding that was lavish beyond belief and they split up SIX months later. My fiance and I are planning our wedding and we are on one accord of having a simple and debt-free wedding. Many people around (who are not putting in a dime) have given more unwanted opinions about how lavish it should. Personally, we know that the wedding and reception is one day and what matters most is that we love each other and are focused on our future marriage itself. That is what is important, not a $3000 dollar dress or $10,000 venue to impress people that you hardly know. At the end of the day, when the people that you half- way know are gone home with full stomachs, it is only you and him. Too bad that the wedding industry makes billions of dollars by focusing on a one day party.
KB

My husband and I had a beautiful wedding. And we did it on a budget. Many folks thought we spent over 20k, and we were no where near that figure. I just got creative and shopped around. I made my own menus, unity candle, favors, programs, forgo expensive flowers and enlisted many talented friends to help me pull it all together. I also opted to not use a traditonal wedding reception all and went with a resturant insted. And I have to say yes the money we did spend was worth it. It was a beautiful day shared with friends and family. We had a blast. What we did do was forgo the honeymoom and use that for the downpayment on our house.
CCeiba

My husband and I had a beautiful, intimate wedding. We got married in a small ceremony of about 15 people on the rooftop of a luxury building(that my friend lives in), took pictures at Central Park Conservatory and had dinner. We didn’t spend much at all. We spent more on our honeymoon!
WeJustEloped

This is a touchy topic. Most non-American cultures have huge traditions surrounding weddings that make the concept of having a small and “exclusive” wedding, well, tantamount to treason. The modern wedding industrial complex in the US makes it increasingly difficult to have a wedding that is affordable if you want elegant details for even the smallest of guest lists. It is a sad, sad testament if you ask me.

My husband and I eloped, then had a small reception after. It was lovely, and I can’t imagine how people manage to appreciate all of their guests at a larger wedding, it was all we could do to spend time with all 35 of our guests! The elopement was peaceful, simple, and perfect. We got married on the beach at sunrise to acoustic guitar, and spent the rest of the day married, smiling, happy. I don’t actually really care for weddings, which isn’t helped by the number of people that I know that are divorcing already.
Soule

A “cash only” budget is the way to go. I’ve actually seen people take out a loan to have a wedding only to be left with the reality of unwanted debt long after the ceremony. Finances can make or break a relationship, so why add that “X” factor? A simple civil ceremony is just as legal as the “fantasy wedding”, therfore though it’s a matter of choice one must look at the pro’s and cons. At the end of the day it’s about you and your mate not “the people”. If one does not own a home, practical thing to do is use the money for a down payment. Can you imagine having a wedding and having to move in with family? As with anything proper planning is the key. I personally had a large wedding, and a lovely honeymoon, but upon returning it was so nice to go home to a house , 2 cars that were paid for, and no credit card debt.
http://twitter.com/discussionking Discussion King

Why are we so against expensive weddings again? Bad budgeting is just that.. bad budgeting/money management. And it wont change whether your wedding it 2K or 200K.

I say do what makes you happy and be responsible. The wedding has a purpose and many dont want to alter that purpose at all by getting the minimum. As a dude, I dont know if I care about a wedding .. I’m pretty private anyway. But I understand if me lady will want this or that… She’ll get it..within reason. Whatever we do, we’ll be wise.

The above comments just make it seem that expensive weddings are usually bad ideas. I doubt Chelsea nor Lala are in debt.
NotJustHerDay

FWIW, most of my female friends wanted to elope, and most of their husbands insisted on a traditional wedding. I hate that articles like this fall into the trap of blaming the women for the extravagence of the modern wedding. We are conditioned to want this type of wedding.
Somsharp1

I am 40 and my Fiance and I just had a child together. We are both well aware that a wedding is financially not in the picture for us so we are planning to go to the Justice of the Peace and then have a small dinner with our families after. Even though we came to this conclusion together, I still can’t help but feel…I don’t know…”less than” now that my younger brother has announced his plans to get married and his Fiance’s family is planning a big wedding for her. It seems so silly; both occasions are cause for celebration, but somehow knowing that this younger, more elaborate wedding is taking place just knocks the wind out of my sails.

http://www.mochamoney.com Alonzo

I don’t know. I think weddings miss the point that its not about the wedding but about the love between the bride and groom that counts. I’ve seen so many people put more effort into the wedding than they put into preparing to become life partners. If you’re committed and in love with your husband to be I don’t see any difference between your intimate affair and your brother’s huge production.

Jonesi

I wasn’t going to respond to this post because the question is problematic IMO. It’s misleading in the manner that it ASSUMES people who choose, such as myself – with no ounce of shame, to have elaborate weddings do it for others – specifically for the purpose to impress. Why can’t people want to do something to their desire or standard because it’s in their heart to do something big for everyone to celebrate such a special occasion? Weddings are no different than any other type of party one gives. My mother had an elaborate graduation party for me because she wanted to.
It’s highly annoying for someone to simply decide matter-of-factly what isn’t “worth” spending money on, when I’m sure we ALL make regular purchases that “aren’t worth it”. At the end of the day, I suggest stop attending these wasteful events unless they suit your fiscal standard – then you’ve done your duty not to compromise your moral belief by benifitting from the food, libations and decor. Until people start charging you to attend, why does it matter? Unless, I’m unaware that this expense is coming out of people’s taxes. THAT would be an issues lol.

Weddings don’t ruin couples whether then spend $200 or $20,000. It’s annoying how people who decide to get married in a living room or church basement like to down others who don’t want that – I’ve personally experienced it. The venue does not determine the worth of a union. And a modest ceremony doesn’t mean that couple will last any longer. Could I have saved the money I spent on my wedding and done more “productive” things? Of course, but it was a day, stress and all, I’m glad I invested in that included many family and friends as well.

Lisa

I agree Jonesi!

I had a semi-big wedding. 175 guests, medium-sized bridal party (five bridesmaids, five groomsmen, two flower girls, one ring bearer).

While the day wasn’t that long ago, I still look back fondly on it as one of the best days of my life. The pictures bring back great memories, and one big part of it was the fact that there were family and friends on both sides that were truly honored to be a part of the celebration and had a wonderful time sharing this moment with us. Both sides of the family got along very well also, despite not knowing each other beforehand.

If our marriage lasts for decades, it won’t have anything to do with the type of wedding we had. If our marriage fails tomorrow, it also won’t have anything to do with the type of wedding we had.

Yes, the marriage is ultimately more important than a wedding, but festive and large wedding ceremonies/celebration are as old as time itself. In India, weddings are often three-day affairs, and evidence of “wedding feasts” can be found in the Bible.

None of this means that one has to have a big wedding. Have a big one, have a small one, go to the JOP, whatever… it’s all good. But acting like a big wedding is purely an American phenomenon and means that a couple only cares about appearances is ridiculous.

The wedding itself — big or small — says nothing about the strength of the marriage or the commitment of the couple involved.

Jonesi

Y’all get the point…typos and all
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