Singles Want the Married to Know…

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by Tiya Cunningham-Sumter | on January 31st, 2011 | 9 comments

By Tiya Cunningham-Sumter

Usually, we (married folks) are full of tips and ideas we readily share with our single friends and family on how to find and keep love. Some of us typically feel there isn’t much a single person could offer in terms of how to maintain a marriage. But just because they have yet to say “I Do” doesn’t mean they don’t know what it takes. Last week I had a great conversation with a panel of singles and asked them what advice they would give to the married. The answers varied but all made an impact on me and I think they will for you too.

The single panel suggested these great tips on keeping marriage alive and well:

Play, Play, Play. Married couples must continue to enjoy one another and not get too comfortable. One of the single ladies on the panel was very adamant about making sure married couples knew the value of keeping excitement in the home.
If the good outweighs the bad, don’t trip. Married couples are blessed just by having someone to share their life with, so don’t make a mountain out of a mole hill. Another of the female panelist sees this too often and stressed the fact that marriages are a blessing.
Remember the initial attraction. Continue to date, send flowers, and call your spouse because the little things mean a lot. This tip came from one of the male panelist, who mentioned this was something he had learned from a failed relationship.
Listen to what your spouse is asking for and be willing to match their effort. This key piece of knowledge was given from the youngest of the female panelist, which made it that much more thought provoking.
Remember why you got married. Even when you don’t feel like it do it anyway. This tip was from the youngest male panelist. Although it was simple and to the point, it was quite powerful.
Be spontaneous and creative. Everyday doesn’t have to be the same. Keep in mind maintaining creativity doesn’t have to be expensive. Another of the male panelist gave this tip along with a great laugh. He mentioned the creativity as a wife bringing home a stripper pole on Thursday and having a brand new present on Friday because of the husband’s appreciation.

The panel was entertaining as well as informative. There were tips that I will be applying to my own marriage. It was good to hear from this great group of singles who really seem to have a great outlook on marriage. In addition to giving this advice, the group unanimously confirmed these were things they would be carrying into their own marriages. Having a plan before entering into a marriage is the first step, but maintaining that plan is the most important. Overall, singles want the married to … BE GOOD TO YOUR SPOUSE.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Founder of Life Editing. Tiya was featured in Ebony Magazine in the October 2008 and November 2010 issues. Tiya recently created and launched (Tuesdays with Tiya) Life Editing Radio show on blogtalkradio.com. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two children.

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Reggie Williams

Shame on you Tiya: I wish I would have thought to write this article. No really GREAT job. We (my wife & I) have two single women who sit on the board of our marriage company. When both asked why we wanted them to sit on the board, our reasoning was to keep us in line with why married folks get married. Sometimes when we are gripped in marriage we forget why we married.
Great post.

http://www.ruleyourwife316.com

Tiya

Thank you Reggie ! Absolutely. It was so refereshing to hear their perspectives. We do get quite comfortable in our marriages, and to hear from people who want to be where we are makes a huge difference. Kudos to you for having single women on the board, great idea!

http://www.makesmewannaholler.com EPayne

I ran a series on my blog, “What A Single Woman Wants” — without realizing it many of the women touched on a lot of the same points here and I used their commentaries as a reminder to all of us married folk of what brought us together in the first place.

Excellent reminder, Tiya. Excellent post!

Tiya

Thanks EPayne. I did a month long series on being single and dating on blogtalkradio and the whole experience was eye opening for me. The answers they gave made so much sense to me and I felt bad, that I had slacked off in one of the areas. We need these reminders often.

Anonymous

Thank you Tiya this is a great article. It just further confirms things for me! Awesome read!

Tiya

Thanks Yanni!

http://twitter.com/Curlymisfit313 Danni

KUDOS! I hated the feeling as a single lady that the married people in my life were almost dismissing me because I hadn’t walked down an aisle yet. Glad to see the perspectives of single woman on display with those of married folks.