Does “Before The Marriage” Count?
By Tiya Cunningham-Sumter
Normally I don’t repeat nor discuss the celebrity gossip I hear from unofficial sources, but this I have to mention just for the sake of this post.
In certain environments (beauty and barber shops for example) there are often things said that aren’t based on any actual facts, but just sound good for the conversation at the moment. The latest neighborhood headline “Beyonce divorces Jay-Z for cheating before the marriage.” My first thought was of course not to believe it. But my second thought turned into a question, “Should she divorce him as a result of something that happened before the marriage?” My answer was not so simple.
On one hand, the actions and behaviors that take place during the dating phase of a relationship display a person’s true characteristics. So even though the relationship before you say I do isn’t an official marriage it is still a serious relationship. There are certain expectations that come along with that type of commitment as well. Trust, faithfulness, honesty, communication and monogamy are all included in this type of commitment. If you can’t be trusted in the beginning how would marriage change that?
On the flip side, the relationship, before the marriage, isn’t the same as the one after the wedding. Although my husband and I had been together a while before we got married, I remember after our wedding seeing him with new eyes. He looked and seemed different to me. In my mind, the relationship was real. This man had now become my husband and at that moment our whole relationship was taken to a new level. Like nothing we had ever shared before. So while we may have had our struggles before that, I knew that it was a new day. I had to try harder, give more and do better. The marriage makes you want to do better. There is something about those vows that normally change a person.
So back to the original gossip, if he did cheat before the marriage, should she divorce him? My answer would have to be no. Not that I condone cheating in any relationship, but marriage is the official and final commitment. Once you make your vow and promise before GOD the marriage officially begins. If the marriage has been healthy and there has been trust and faithfulness to the commitment, why rock the boat? Why not continue to build on what you have already created.
BMWK, How much does before the marriage count?
Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Founder of Life Editing and creator of The Black Wives’ Club. Tiya was featured in Ebony Magazine in the October 2008 and November 2010 issues. Tiya recently created and launched (Tuesdays with Tiya) Life Editing Radio show on blogtalkradio.com. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two children.
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