The Other Side of the Ted Williams Story: The Affected Spouse
By Edward C. Lee
A few months ago, while researching an upcoming project of every marriage in the Bible, I wrote about “The Affected Spouse.” The idea was that decisions and actions of one spouse often adversely impact their husband or wife. It was based on the biblical story of David (the David that killed Goliath the giant) and Bathsheba’s adulterous affair and the ultimate price that her husband Uriah paid for her adultery with David.
In short, David had Uriah killed to conceal the adultery and the child conceived as a result of it. And that was the point of the whole story. Uriah was faithful to both his wife and David the king, yet because of their decisions and actions – he was killed.
Recently, another story about an adversely affected spouse came to light. Her name is Patricia Kirtley, the ex-wife of the now famous formerly homeless man Ted Williams in Ohio. Patricia is a partially blind woman that for the last 23 years has raised four daughters and her ex-husband’s son from a previous relationship. For those 23 years her ex-husband got swallowed up in a life of drug and alcohol addiction that eventually led to his homelessness, while she held down raising their kids. It is fair to say, her husband’s decisions and troubles affected her life in a major way.
Her ex-husband, Ted, was recently made world famous by the YouTube video displaying what he calls his “God given” gift – his voice. After a decade on the streets, separated from his family and spending the last two years determined to stay sober, Ted displayed his tremendous “radio” voice for a Columbus, Ohio, news reporter on camera. It is a great story – one day he’s homeless, the next day he had more job offers than one man could handle.
Behind the great story, which is inspiring to us all, Patricia’s story is told as just part of the introduction a side note to the seemingly more inspirational story of Ted. But as I think about Patricia’s story and the millions of “affected” spouses and families living in the shadows of a family members struggles, it provokes a broader range of “pondering.” How do the actions, behaviors, personality quirks and troubles of a husband or wife affect their spouse?
Not just the big things like Ted Williams’ drugs and alcohol. But even the smaller, more intangible aspects of one spouse tend to rub off on their family. If a couple is bickering and snipping at each other at home, how does it impact their work performance and the carrying out of life’s other responsibilities? How does a father’s habit of being late or legacy of broken promises give shape to the life of his children? What is the product of long hours in the office and short time for family time? Family, marriage and relationships are “contact sports” and our interactions rub off on those close to us.
This past week my wife has been out of town and I have taken a week off to take care of my son. In that time with my son I realize he needs more contact with daddy. He needs more of me to rub off on him. As I see how my personal situation lines up with the Ted Williams and Patricia Kirtley story I have become more determined to look more closely this year at how I rub off on my wife and family and how can I address my own weaknesses to make them stronger.
So how about you, BMWK, what parts of you need to rub off on your spouse and children in a positive way?
Edward is an Ordained Minister, Bible College Professor, Pastoral Marriage Counselor, and Author of two first-of-their-kind marriage books, Husbands, Wives, God: Introducing the Marriages of the Bible to Your Marriage and the soon to be released, Husbands, Wives, God – Weekly Devotions: 52 Weeks of Relationship Enriching Devotions. To learn more about Edward and Husbands, Wives, God go to edwardclee.com or follow on Facebook at Husbands, Wives, God.
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