The View From Three Feet High (How Do Your Kids See Your Marriage?)
by Tara Pringle Jefferson
Picture this: New Year’s Eve. 5:30 p.m.
I’m sitting on the couch with several different pizza menus in my hand, trying to figure out which place we’re going to order from. Only, in my mind, there is no choice because I’m craving wings from a certain pizza joint, and why order wings from one place and pizza from another? Too many deliverymen at my house. I don’t play that.
My husband looks over and puts in his vote for the place I DON’T want to order from. “Let’s just get some Papa John’s,” he says.
Now, I don’t know about you, but I am TIRED of Papa John’s. They are everywhere and for every stinking event at college they ordered Papa John’s pizza. I’m over it.
So I told him I would like pizza and wings from the local pizza place, the one where the guys always bring my food to the car because they know I’ve got little kids with me. Now THAT’S quality service.
Normally this wouldn’t be a big deal but my husband must have been feeling the same way about Little Shop Around the Corner that I felt about Papa John’s.
I begin to start my usual “If I don’t get my way, ain’t nobody in this house gonna be happy” routine. You know, extra sarcasm, not-quite-so-friendly tone. I’m not actually serious – just fussing to be funny. Kinda.
Then I notice my daughter sitting quietly by my feet. She’s putting together a puzzle and I can tell she’s listening even though she’s carefully avoiding eye contact with me. I see her shift her eyes up to her dad to look at his face. I stop what I’m saying mid-sentence.
In looking at her face, I could tell she didn’t get my sarcasm. She thought I was mad at her dad and it made her uncomfortable.
It got me thinking about how I talk to her dad all the time – how I sometimes feel like I don’t need to bite my tongue, because hey, we’re married and he accepts me warts and all. Or how I get impatient. Or any number of the “bad relationship sins” I commit on a semi-regular basis.
For what it’s worth, I think I have a good marriage. But this brief incident shook me hard (on New Year’s Eve no less!). My parents never sat me down and gave me the “this is what marriage should be like” speech – I took notes from their example. If my kids end up doing nothing else to prepare for marriage but watching how my husband and I operate, I want my kids to have the best example possible.
So to the best of my ability, it’s all or nothing.
Even if it means I have to eat Papa John’s (sometimes).
BMWK family, have you thought about how your kids view your marriage?
Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer, blogger and PR professional living in Ohio with her husband and two kids. She’s also Managing Editor of BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com. Follow her on Twitter or check out her blog for more insights on love and family.
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