What Two Feet Of Snow Taught Me About Marriage
by Tara Pringle Jefferson
In case this is your first time to BMWK or you never read my little bio at the end of all my posts, I live near Cleveland, Ohio, which was just ranked as one of the snowiest cities in the country. How fun for the woman who doesn’t go outside when the temp falls below 50 degrees.
Last week, we got pounded. My husband left for work and just missed the dumping of snow that came down so hard I couldn’t tell where our front yard ended and the street began.
As it got closer to the time he would come home, I looked out and noticed two neighbors stuck in their driveway because the snow was too high. Being the kind wife that I am (and desperately needing a break from the kiddos), I layered up and began to shovel the driveway so my husband wouldn’t get stuck, too. All 24+ inches of snow.
Now, this was my first time ever shoveling snow. (I told you I don’t go outside when it’s below 50.) I thought it would be easy. My husband shovels the driveway himself most mornings and THEN goes on to work all day. Surely I could shovel the driveway in what? 15, 20 minutes, tops?
It took me 50 MINUTES! Lifting the snow and hurling it over the fence onto the front yard was rough. My abs, back, arms, shoulders, thighs – every part of me was on fire! I was drenched in sweat and could barely tell it was cold outside.
I was in awe of my husband. Even though he’s stronger than me, I couldn’t imagine doing this every day or even every week.
As I finished and came back in the house to make dinner, my back was incredibly tight. It was then I had my “Aha!” moment.
Almost nightly, my husband asks for a back massage. I used to get annoyed because he never offered to return the favor but instead would be half-sleep by the time I finished. But after spending almost an hour in the snow, I had new insight into why the massage requests came so frequently. Sure, I knew he shoveled the driveway regularly, but it didn’t click until I honestly put myself in his shoes and shoveled that darn driveway myself.
This little experience taught me that sometimes it ain’t about me. It’s about caring for your partner without having to know the reason why they want something or being resentful that the action isn’t reciprocated at the time. Marriage, at its core, is about selflessness, about giving of one’s self and being ready to help in any way you can.
Yes, it would have been nice for my husband to return the favor of a solid back massage (and he does, occasionally) but by staying in my own head I was missing out on an opportunity to show my husband how much I appreciate him and all the hard work he does.
Now excuse me – I heard Home Depot was having a sale on snow blowers.
BMWK family – how can you strive to put yourself in your spouse’s shoes more frequently?
Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer, blogger and PR professional living in Ohio with her husband and two kids. She’s also Managing Editor of BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com. Follow her on Twitter or check out her blog for more insights on love and family.
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