3 Ways To Tell If You’re Doing Alright As A Parent

Parenting

by Tara Pringle Jefferson | on February 28th, 2011 | 10 comments

by Tara Pringle Jefferson

Why did I choose this photo (a photo of my daughter’s messy room) to illustrate this post? A couple reasons, but this one in particular:

This photo was taken last year on a lazy Saturday. I decided to lay down for a minute, give them a few precious moments to play together before I had to separate them for naptime.

I flip through a magazine, proud of myself for taking a moment to relax before the inevitable fight that is the daily naptime battle. I get up a few minutes later and I see the scene you see in front of you.

Because I am a social media junkie, I immediately snapped a picture and uploaded it to Facebook. “Look what my kids did,” was the intent.

But in looking at that picture now, I see something different. Yes, I still see a crazy messy room, but in examining the picture more closely, I see books. Lots and lots of books. The 30 or so books strewn around the room are actually only a fraction of the books they have.

One of the lessons I want to teach my kids is the love of reading for pleasure, not just because a teacher assigned something. By surrounding my babies with tons of books, allowing them to see me reading, taking them to the library – all that is getting us toward the goal. It’s one of the reasons I’m able to look at that photo and see success, not just another mess for me to clean up.

We all need to step back occasionally and feel like we are making some type of headway with our kids. Because we worry and we wonder: Are we teaching them the right things? Am I focusing on them enough? Are they happy? Because really, how can you tell?

I think I might have an answer for you. Check out the self-checks below:

1. Your kid smiles. A lot. Kids are naturally happy, boisterous little people. But as they go through different phases, they can become moody and cranky (especially if certain needs aren’t met). But for the most part, if you’re doing your job as a parent, all the reassurance you need is right there on your kids’ lips. I have one friend Alex whose daughter is forever smiling. Every picture I see, I can count all her teeth. Alex might wonder if she’s doing a great job, but I don’t even have to ask. The proof is there.

2. You catch them mastering the lessons you taught them when they don’t think you’re listening. Ask any mom and one of the best “perks” of this gig is when your kid first says “Thank you” unprompted. Or when they call you out for using words like “stupid” or “shut up.” They are absorbing what you say and spitting it back out into the world. Your little lumps of clay are taking form.

3. Your instincts don’t lie. Take a few minutes and just be honest with yourself. Do you feel like a good mother? Do you shower your kids with love and affection? Do you go to bed most nights feeling like you’ve done your best? You know better than anyone whether you are doing a great job and more than likely, the answer is going to be “Yes.”

How do you know if you’re doing a great job? Share your comments below!

Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer, blogger and PR professional living in Ohio with her husband and two kids. She’s also Managing Editor of BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com. Follow her on Twitter or check out her blog for her insights on what it means to be a mom, wife, student, writer, and about three other labels she’s too tired to remember.

About the author

Tara Pringle Jefferson is managing editor of BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com. She’s also the author of Make It Happen: The Young Mommy Guide To Creating The Career You Crave. Follow her on Twitter or check out her blog for her insights on what it means to be a mom, wife, student, writer, and about three other labels she’s too tired to remember.

http://twitter.com/socialchnge Jenise Bradshaw

Strangely enough, the jealousy my children exemplify. I have 4 children, 16, 13, 7, and 5. I can’t possibly show them love the same way and I do my best at giving each of them a part of me that is unique. They don’t understand the uniqueness that they are given so they prefer what other has, because we tend to think that what someone else has is better than what we have. BTW, that is a lesson that I have been teaching since I had child number 2. When each of them have their special time, they are glad and that is a moment when I know for sure that I am a good mom.
Margaret

Lately I know I’ve been doing a better job because there’s a lot less stress in my home. It’s a lot easier to distract my children (17yo boy, 10yo girl) when they are having disagreements. It’s a lot easier to get them to do their chores. It’s just more peaceful. I’ve never really had a problem with my kids but I noticed that I was losing my temper more and they would “talk about me” when they thought I wasn’t listening. I HEARD this and worked hard on my attitutude and it worked. Yes I’m still tired and I’m still stressed sometimes but I’ve learned to detach and deal with the situation and not what I’m feeling.
Sydneymolare

Wow, this article was on point. I tell everyone how happy I am to be my son’s mother and I feel that I’ve done a great job. Everytime I see my son, HE IS SMILING. Even when things are going bad, he doesn’t got off and act inappropriate. He thinks, speaks calmly and respectfully and then takes action. Honestly, I’ve very happy with him and who he has become.
Sydneymolare

Wow, this article was on point. I tell everyone how happy I am to be my son’s mother and I feel that I’ve done a great job. Everytime I see my son, HE IS SMILING. Even when things are going bad, he doesn’t got off and act inappropriate. He thinks, speaks calmly and respectfully and then takes action. Honestly, I’ve very happy with him and who he has become.
Sydneymolare

Wow, this article was on point. I tell everyone how happy I am to be my son’s mother and I feel that I’ve done a great job. Everytime I see my son, HE IS SMILING. Even when things are going bad, he doesn’t got off and act inappropriate. He thinks, speaks calmly and respectfully and then takes action. Honestly, I’ve very happy with him and who he has become.
http://twitter.com/RuleYourWife Reggie Williams

Tara – this was a very insightful post and I love how you took a step back to see the beauty rather than the mess.
Psychstudent71

Let me post my 12 year olds room….

Anyway, I have 2 kids 19 year old son (will be 20 in may) and a 12 year old daughter. I have always allowed my children to express themselves freely. It allowed them to find their talents. For my son the end result is law enforcement/ criminology. For my 12 year old so far it is the Arts. They are both good at what they do. PROUD MOM HERE!
Joreen James

I have two boys ages 9yo and 4yo…i know that I am doing a great job as a parent when I see them happy and improving in school. Sometime they do correct me about things that I teach them.
Ruby Griffin

It’s amazing,How i love this post…I’m old school.I’m a mother of 3 which they’re all grown now,and a step-mom of manys,and also a grandmom of ten…of all ages.I been married 3 times,and out of three marriage,children’s,grandkids,and step-kids…I’m giving myself a thumb up.for not being a perfect mom,but a patience mom,that i was determine to be there for all of them…Yes.it was hard,but,i stay on my knees,manys of nights talking to my god,praying,and going to the out house,and crying,after i have discipline,them for they bad behavior….I did alright with them…know returning back home to stay,nor one been in lockdown…but,these grandkids,is another stories,they want to run things…but,my saying…There a new sheriff in town..and all it took was a teaspoon of love…
TheMrs

I question my parenting often as a mom of 5 kids (12 yr g, 9 yr b, 9 yr g, 8 yr g, and 2 yr b). I found years ago that I have to be a different type of parent with each child, they all have different needs and wants. I do have some basics that do not falter no matter which child I am dealing with but my approach may be different. Most rooms in my house look like this picture with books everywhere. My father was a magazine editor prior to my birth and in my very early years so he instilled reading in us. My aunts and uncles gave us magazine subscriptions for every gift(Christmas, Easter, bdays, good report cards, etc.) as well as gift certificates(dating myself with that…lol) to book stores. In turn, I have done the same with my children, although instead of subscriptions they have access on the web in the past few years. I’d like to believe that I am doing a good job with my children. My boys are always smiling, laughing, and full of joys. My girls are similar but not as overboard with emotion, must be the hormones. They are all doing great in school, continuing to improve…and my only real complaint is their lack of responsiblilty when it comes to their chores, but isn’t that most kids?!?!?!