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Don’t Mess With Mama: Response to Mom Who “Humiliated” Son For Bad Grades

Parenting

by  |  on February 23rd, 2011  |  12 comments

by Lisa Marie Carroll

I love it when a parent takes back their parenting power. So it should come as no surprise that I was slapping this mother a virtual high five and saying, “YOU GO GIRL!” when I saw this video.

As the mother of an adult son, I know challenges of finding effective ways to discipline a back talking, rebellious, male teen, while trying to emphasize the importance of education at the same time.

Let’s face it, parenting isn’t for cowards, and there comes a time when you have to take matters into your own hands to keep your child off the streets or on this side of the prison walls. When my son’s grades started slipping, I tried doing things “by the book.” The school suggested that I put him in an alternative school. But since he hadn’t been expelled and wasn’t on probation or in trouble with the law, he didn’t qualify.

I signed him up for Boy Scouts in my church. But the leaders ran off with each other, and the church discontinued the program. (That’s another story for another time.)

Then, I sent him to live with his father. But when I visited the school and saw that he was now rocking cornrows in his hair, two diamond studs in his left ear, and had been caught with marijuana residue in his coat, I knew that it was time for some commando parenting if I was going to save his life.

What I realized is that slipping grades is like a gateway drug. It can lead to skipping classes, ditching school altogether, staying out all night, and doing stints behind bars. And I wasn’t having any of it. So when I saw my son standing on the street corners talking to his friends, I would go to the window and call him inside. (He even had the nerve to request that I call him by his street name, instead of the ‘government’ name that I gave him.) I stripped his room of everything but a bed. And when he called the police to report me for taking his gaming console, they did me a favor and removed the door also.

There were times when I had to reach out to other parents, because I sometimes thought I was too tough. But a little tough love never killed a kid. And like my aunt said, “You run your kids. Your kids don’t run you.” And if the young man in this video thought he was running things before, it looks like mama showed him who’s in control.

Lisa Maria Carroll is a woman of courage, destiny and purpose, who blogs about Life, Love and the Pursuit of Happiness at www.lisamariacarroll.com.


About the author

Tara Pringle Jefferson is managing editor of BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com. She’s also the author of Make It Happen: The Young Mommy Guide To Creating The Career You Crave. Follow her on Twitter or check out her blog for her insights on what it means to be a mom, wife, student, writer, and about three other labels she’s too tired to remember.



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Comments (12)

  1. SMonique Wednesday - 23 / 02 / 2011 Reply
    WOW!!! YES!!! Did you say YOU GO GIRL? YES AGAIN! "mama showed him who’s in control" Yet another great post!
  2. buffalobayoumom Thursday - 24 / 02 / 2011 Reply
    Great post! It is so scary to see your child slipping --or outright running-- to the dark side. I don't know if I hated the fights more than the behavior we were trying to curtail, but middle school was the absolute worst three years for me, my husband, and our daughter. I remember saying, "I know I am not the right mother for you, but as long as you are in my house, you will respect me and our family rules." If anyone is in that kind of fight right now, stick it out. It will be worth it. She even lost her bedroom door for lying about (and not doing) homework... said she had been locking the door so she could concentrate but she just didn't want us to see her on her phone. Six long years later, I can see the woman she's become and she is sensitive, clever, and unscarred. Thank you, God, for reaching her when we could not.
  3. buffalobayoumom Thursday - 24 / 02 / 2011 Reply
    Great post! It is so scary to see your child slipping --or outright running-- to the dark side. I don't know if I hated the fights more than the behavior we were trying to curtail, but middle school was the absolute worst three years for me, my husband, and our daughter. I remember saying, "I know I am not the right mother for you, but as long as you are in my house, you will respect me and our family rules." If anyone is in that kind of fight right now, stick it out. It will be worth it. She even lost her bedroom door for lying about (and not doing) homework... said she had been locking the door so she could concentrate but she just didn't want us to see her on her phone. Six long years later, I can see the woman she's become and she is sensitive, clever, and unscarred. Thank you, God, for reaching her when we could not.
  4. buffalobayoumom Thursday - 24 / 02 / 2011 Reply
    Great post! It is so scary to see your child slipping --or outright running-- to the dark side. I don't know if I hated the fights more than the behavior we were trying to curtail, but middle school was the absolute worst three years for me, my husband, and our daughter. I remember saying, "I know I am not the right mother for you, but as long as you are in my house, you will respect me and our family rules." If anyone is in that kind of fight right now, stick it out. It will be worth it. She even lost her bedroom door for lying about (and not doing) homework... said she had been locking the door so she could concentrate but she just didn't want us to see her on her phone. Six long years later, I can see the woman she's become and she is sensitive, clever, and unscarred. Thank you, God, for reaching her when we could not.
  5. buffalobayoumom Thursday - 24 / 02 / 2011 Reply
    Great post! It is so scary to see your child slipping --or outright running-- to the dark side. I don't know if I hated the fights more than the behavior we were trying to curtail, but middle school was the absolute worst three years for me, my husband, and our daughter. I remember saying, "I know I am not the right mother for you, but as long as you are in my house, you will respect me and our family rules." If anyone is in that kind of fight right now, stick it out. It will be worth it. She even lost her bedroom door for lying about (and not doing) homework... said she had been locking the door so she could concentrate but she just didn't want us to see her on her phone. Six long years later, I can see the woman she's become and she is sensitive, clever, and unscarred. Thank you, God, for reaching her when we could not.
  6. buffalobayoumom Thursday - 24 / 02 / 2011 Reply
    Great post! It is so scary to see your child slipping --or outright running-- to the dark side. I don't know if I hated the fights more than the behavior we were trying to curtail, but middle school was the absolute worst three years for me, my husband, and our daughter. I remember saying, "I know I am not the right mother for you, but as long as you are in my house, you will respect me and our family rules." If anyone is in that kind of fight right now, stick it out. It will be worth it. She even lost her bedroom door for lying about (and not doing) homework... said she had been locking the door so she could concentrate but she just didn't want us to see her on her phone. Six long years later, I can see the woman she's become and she is sensitive, clever, and unscarred. Thank you, God, for reaching her when we could not.
  7. Marty Friday - 25 / 02 / 2011 Reply
    Way to go mom (you and the lady in Florida). Sometimes drastic measures make all the difference.
  8. Allie Sunday - 13 / 03 / 2011 Reply
    Parenting young adult males is not for the faint of heart. They are all different and can be challenging and or loving. However I strive to remember that it is all about the relationship. If you want to have a future healthy relationship with your son you need to make sure you communicate that you love them regardless of the method you choose to discipline. Humiliating a child, while it should never be a first option should not be totally off the table. In some instances it may be the only way to get the child's attention (especially when they are so close to adulthood). It use to be that a man who couldn't find a job and support himself and his family would feel humiliated. It use to be that having to depend of the government to support you was a form of humiliation. Well if you don't get your education your options are very limited and the opportunities for humiliation are increased. So if a parent has to use humiliation to prevent future humiliation by people and systems that don't have the child's best interest, then I say, so be it. I wrote a blog post a number of years back when I came to realize that my adult son was not who I envisioned he would be at that age, and I post it here hoping to encourage some of the mothers. My husband and I had some rough times with him, but thank God, we were able to preserve our relationship with him as he grew. http://sanityinsight.blogspot.com/2009/05/they-come-bringing-laundry.html
    • Persnickity patron Sunday - 13 / 03 / 2011 Reply
      I appreciate your perspective especially knowing that you are one of the experts. I agree that a little humiliation should not be totally off the table. I gave my mom hell because I was just a determined to chart my own course as she was to chart it for me. Thinking back on things, I think this began before I was ten years old. I read your blog post about your son too. It was a nice story.