How Do You Handle Disappointment?

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by Tara Pringle Jefferson | on February 16th, 2011 | 7 comments

by Tara Pringle Jefferson

I probably look forward to Valentine’s Day more than the average person. Growing up, before I even knew what it meant to have a “valentine,” I used to get presents from my dad every February 14. Sometimes they were teddy bears, sometimes a box of chocolates, sometimes both. Sometimes it was both AND dinner out. My dad went all out to let his daughters know that we were loved every day of the year, but on Valentine’s Day it was like putting the exclamation point on it.

So it goes without saying that after years and years of this, I began getting excited around February 1 – what would I get to do with my valentine? Where would we go? How much fun it was, to simply slow down and enjoy your love, on a day that everyone else is “supposed to” as well?

Unfortunately, my husband (like many men, I suspect) doesn’t quite feel the same way about the holiday. Sure, he’ll indulge me a little, but his interest in Valentine’s Day only goes as far as “Make the wife happy and move on to February 15.”

I have Monday night classes, and the weekend prior to Valentine’s Day was booked – Saturday was a birthday party for my father-in-law, Sunday my husband had to work.

No “us time” on a holiday (or holiday weekend) that I look forward to each year? I was pretty disappointed. Since having kids, we don’t get out as much (at all, really) and I was craving that alone time.

So what to do about it?

I let myself feel sad – for a minute. Then I moved on to what I knew for sure – that I enjoyed the holiday not only for what my valentine could do for me, but for what I could do for them. So even if we weren’t able to go out together, I still appreciated what he brings to my life and I can still enjoy my holiday, albeit on a much lower scale than I had hoped for.

In relationships, we frequently have to deal with disappointment and frustration when things don’t work out as planned, or if we have to make adjustments we’d prefer not to make. Dealing with the inconveniences of life is, well, a part of life, and those who don’t learn to “go with the flow” will be stuck in a perpetual cycle of sulking about missed expectations. Who wants to live life like that?

BMWK family – how do you tend to handle disappointments? Are you calm and reasoned? Or do you hold on to the disappointment?

Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer, blogger and PR professional living in Ohio with her husband and two kids. She’s also Managing Editor of BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com. Follow her on Twitter or check out her blog for her insights on what it means to be a mom, wife, student, writer, and about three other labels she’s too tired to remember.

About the author

Tara Pringle Jefferson is managing editor of BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com. She’s also the author of Make It Happen: The Young Mommy Guide To Creating The Career You Crave. Follow her on Twitter or check out her blog for her insights on what it means to be a mom, wife, student, writer, and about three other labels she’s too tired to remember.

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Comments (7)

Daboss Wednesday - 16 / 02 / 2011 Reply

My wife does not handle disappointment well, she ensured to give me her opinion over the lack of Valentines Day gifts (I'm in Afghanistan and we live in remote area of the country where no respectable flower shop, candy shop will deliver). I pre-warned her of what I was not able to do but yet she still is giving me the cold shoulder 2 days later. I have my family to take care of but I also have to be 100% 7 days a week for my Soldiers. This is breaking my spirits down.
- H. Roberta Williams Wednesday - 16 / 02 / 2011 Reply
  
  Keep your head up, man. You can make it up to her by returning from your deployment. She may want to talk to other military spouses who have a better understanding of what your commitment is while on a deployment. Places like Iraq can send things stateside for VDay, but Afghanistan isn't nearly as developed regarding military support. Try to get someone else to explain that to her kindly, since she's unwilling to listen to you right now. I suspect it may be deeper than that, though. She definitely has more to be concerned about than VDay if you're deployed to a forward location. As far as your Soldiers are concerned, please keep your focus. Whether she likes it or not, they need you. They are all someone else's Valentine, and when all of you get back stateside alive and well, you will have cause to celebrate that fact with multiple families. Hang in there!
- Warrior_75210 Thursday - 17 / 02 / 2011 Reply
  
  I handle Disappointments pretty well, I believe. I/WE just had a Very, Very disappointing decision to our plans for utilizing a Celebrity Actress/Model for our "G.I.N.E.S.E.S.' Character pro-filer with her likeness, within the Comics Series, as Action Figures, dolls, and toys. She, the Celebrity really, really wanted to do it, but her manager advised her against it right now, until we grow to be a bigger Company, and more widely distributed... Well, I have found with more research, that These kinds of things happen often, within the entertainment industries, and that many times, the Actress or Actor who we eventually see cast in the roles, may not necessarily be the ones who were originally meant to be cast into the roles. Then When the Film, or Character "BLOWS-UP" or becomes BIG, its a shame that for whatever the manager's justifiable reasons, that particular Actress/Actor/Model gets to see Someone else enjoy the role, which their short-sighted manager or talent rep. advised them to not do...Imagine the coach who cut Michael Jordan, when he 1st tried out for the basketball T.E.A.M.? He probable wanted to Kill himself?! Imagine those who doubted, and opposed Dr martin Luther King, JR (many so-called prominent Preachers would NOT allow him to speak at their churches, and within their cities, So, WE have adjusted our Character back to our original generic version, which looks awesome anyway, even without the celebrity's facial features. Much love & friendship, Terry reece, AKA "the Warrior" Super Hero www.TDMComics.com www.FamilyMediaSite.com I did not get to tell Brian, that Manager, for the Actress/Model this, but his saying that maybe we can revisit this possibility at a later date, is like "A Banker telling me/you/anyone that they will lend You the Money, When You become a Million Nair, and You NOT Longer really need the LOAN"
- TIFFANY SESSIONS Thursday - 17 / 02 / 2011 Reply
  
  WHY DIDN'T YOU ORDER ON-LINE? WHEN WE WERE IN IRAQ THE 1ST OIF NOTHING WAS SET UP BUT I WAS ABLE TO GET ONLINE AND ORDER SOMETHINGS FOR MY FAMILY MEMBERS YOU HAVE TO THINK OUT OF THE BOX BECAUSE YOU ARE AWAY... SO JUST SEND HER SOME NOW AND IT WILL LIFT HER SPIRITS AS WELL AS YOURS.. BOTH OF YOU ARE GOING THROUGH SOME OF THE SAME FEELINGS ALTHOUGH IT IS ONLY YOU ACTUALLY DEPLOYED SHE IS HOME ALONE HANDLING EVERYTHING WHICH IS VER NEW FOR HER AND NO OUTLET FOR HER EMOTIONS...
Ms_Leo Wednesday - 16 / 02 / 2011 Reply

Valentine's Day is another man-made, Anglo-Saxon holiday so let's stop it people! It's a huge capitalistic machine when you think about it. Love your partner EVERDAY, 365 to avoid these silly pitfalls in your relationships.
- Tara Pringle Jefferson Wednesday - 16 / 02 / 2011 Reply
  
  @Ms_Leo - Yes, Valentine's Day is a man-made holiday. Yes, there's a lot of pressure to buy something or take our spouses out or doing something romantic. But I feel there should to be MORE people celebrating Valentine's Day, not fewer. I refuse to believe there's anything wrong with taking a day to celebrate love. Just like you celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, Thanksgiving, etc. I'm a pro-love type of gal and I will never change that. :)
Anna Thursday - 17 / 02 / 2011 Reply

Is Valentines Day a reminder for some to appreciate what they have w/a gift? I happen to like Valentines Day, because in my neck of the woods, it's for the male to cater to the female. We have Sweetest Day in October for the female to cater to the male. No pressure here, we still go out on dates, and it doesn't have to be a special occassion. I am the type of person that if I don't expect anything I won't get disappointed. LOL. I think it is important and loving for a man to give his daughter/s a Valentines Day gift, but there comes a time when he gives her hand in marriage and she should cleave to her husband. Daddy's don't spoil your little girl/s so much that when you give her away on her wedding day, that she still expects things from "you" vs being a wife to her husband, with all the love in the world, that he has for her, let her husband be a husband and let them grow and learn together. I can't stand a spoiled Princess, who has a husband that can't get what they want "right now", and goes to her daddy. If your husband says no, either you get/do it yourself or go without, until you and your husband can figure out how to get it "Together". Most things a Princess wants, is just that "a want". LOL. I'm back, typing my book comments.