Why Alpha Women Need Alpha Men

BY: - 30 Mar '11 | Home

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by Gwen Jimmere

According to the former AlphaWomen.com:

An Alpha Woman is a decision-maker who is committed to her goals and dreams. She may be opinionated and unafraid to speak her mind, but she is considerate, open-minded, and respectful of others. She is always ready to learn and willing to take on any challenge. Most importantly, she is dedicated to growing as a person, as a valuable and contributive member of society.

AskMen.com says the following:

She’s on top of her game. She is obstinate, sometimes conceited and doesn’t always make it easy for you. She gives you a run for your money and makes you work overtime on her, so to speak. But all this only makes her more appealing to you. She is, in other words, the quintessential “alpha female.” The alpha female has an uncanny ability to make men desire her. The alpha female’s talents are special, and consequently, satisfying her might be a man’s biggest marital challenge yet.

Black celebrity Alpha Women include Beyonce Knowles, Oprah Winfrey, and Tyra Banks.

Alpha women are self-assured, self-reliant high achievers and are typically physically attractive. They don’t mess around. Often they are business owners and/or hold multiple degrees. This doesn’t mean they are uncompassionate ice queens a la Grace Jones   in Boomerang. Ironically, they are completely opposite. Alpha Women know how to balance it all with a Coke and a smile. Then again, she tends to be physically fit, so we may have to nix that Coke for a Dasani water.

When it comes to the selecting a lifelong mate, Alpha Women are highly selective. Potential mates must have the ability to hold intellectually stimulating conversations and, generally, be equally yolked with said woman. As my momma would say, “If you aren’t coming correct, don’t come at all.” Potential mates must present an intellectual challenge if they expect to hold an Alpha Woman’s interest for any length of time. She should not be able to eat him alive in a conversation about current events. These men also need to be equally self-assured and self-reliant.

Hence, why an Alpha Woman needs an Alpha Man.

Men who don’t possess a similar inner strength an Alpha Woman has will quickly get walked over and she will easily bore of him. He will lose her respect as a potential mate. If he’s a nice enough guy, he will be reduced to what is known as “the dreaded friend zone.” No potential suitor wants this. From what I’m told, this is the worst position to be in and usually lasts a lifetime. Once a guy is in the dreaded friend zone, it’s virtually impossible to get out. He will end up being replaced by someone who provides her with an intellectual and/or emotional challenge. Beyonce said it best in the December 2008 issue of Elle magazine:

Elle: How is your marriage to Jay Z?

Beyonce: It’s a power struggle. But if I didn’t respect someone and they didn’t have that strength,  then I would be bored. I wouldn’t be attracted to them.

Well said, B.

Alpha Men are often confused with pompous douchebags. By contrast, Alpha Men are amazing. They are “nice guys” (read: doting, accommodating, thoughtful, etc.) But you cannot run over them. They can and do hold their ground, and are firm, yet tactful, about what they want, much like their female counterparts.

Alpha Women tend to have no shortage of men vying for their attention, many of which will seem like “the one” because they are so nice, so sweet, and will do any and everything under the sun for their woman. They also let their women do whatever they want, no questions asked. Enter the Beta Man.

Some say Beta Men are good for Alpha Women, because they balance each other out. However, typical Beta Men are rarely compatible with Alpha Women, one reason being that they are much less assertive than Alpha Men. Alpha Women require a balance of aggressive and passive qualities. Beta Men tend to be passive 95% of the time. In addition, they are a bit “too” accommodating, highly apologetic even for things out of their control, and less driven than Alpha Men. They can be self-depreciating at times and over-complimentary of their women to a fault. This irritates the Alpha Woman. If ever you hear of a man being “too nice,” he’s probably a Beta Man. He does everything right, but he just can’t hold her attention, no matter what he does. Again, an Alpha Woman requires a challenge. Beta Men give often “too” much of their time, money, and emotions. They are easily walked over and typically end up placed in the aforementioned “dreaded friend zone.”

Often, Alpha Women will hear from friends, “you don’t like nice guys.” This couldn’t be further from the truth. Alpha Women, like most women, love nice guys. In fact, an Alpha Woman will not waste time with a disrespectful or mean-spirited man. But as my friend and fellow author Charles Orlando would say, “Women do like nice guys, they don’t like doormats.”

BMWK ladies – are you an Alpha Woman? Does the above description sound like you?

Gwen Jimmere is an award-winning and nationally syndicated editor who authored the relationship manual for young women,  If It Walks Like a Duck”...and Other Truths My Mother Taught Me. She blogs about relationships, dating, marriage and parenting at  The Duck Walkand works in social media/digital marketing.

About the author

Gwen Jimmere wrote 15 articles on this blog.


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