{Be A Better Spouse Challenge} Tip #15: Go On A Genuine Date Again

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by Tara Pringle Jefferson | on April 21st, 2011 | 6 comments

Remember the anticipation that was built into going on a date with the person that is now your spouse? The mixture of excitement and effort put into how you looked, working out to keep that body tight because you know he or she loved the fact that you cared about yourself. Finding the newest, hottest spots to hang to make that lasting impression — making sure the car was clean and had the air fresher going, and maybe even creating a playlist of slow jams to play in the car while you drove to your destination? All of this and more is what made you two click, match and decide he or she was the one you simply had to be around.

What happened?

Before you start running down the laundry list of what he o she does or doesn’t do or how much he or she has changed. Before you begin to form the thoughts of all the stuff you have to do on any given day of the week. Before you begin the talk about the impact of time and age. Before you do any of the above, keep in mind, what that what you used to do worked. True, you might have a consuming job, a boatload of kids and a house that requires constant maintenance, inside and out.

But why is any of this preventing you from investing into your spouse the way you did when that person wasn’t your spouse? If you can come up with a legitimate answer that makes sense to anyone other than yourself, then by all means continue. But if not may we suggest a few tips for your next date night?

Clean out your car. Vacuum up the Cheerios on the floor in the back, take the kids’ stuff into the house, slap a new air freshener on the dash and if you have time, run the whole car through the car wash.
Go late. Don’t head to dinner at 4:30 p.m. so you can be back to the house in time to watch Jeopardy or catch up on work for the evening. Just be present with your spouse.
Spend time talking about your interests. Not the kids. Not work. Not how your sister is driving you crazy. This is a date, not a vent session.
Sit on the same side of the table. When’s the last time you did this? Try it and see if it makes a difference in your date.

What other tips do you have for making a date “like it was in the beginning”?

About the author

Tara Pringle Jefferson is managing editor of BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com. She’s also the author of Make It Happen: The Young Mommy Guide To Creating The Career You Crave. Follow her on Twitter or check out her blog for her insights on what it means to be a mom, wife, student, writer, and about three other labels she’s too tired to remember.

http://www.musingsofastrongblackwoman.com Rhonda J. Smith

Women can style their hair just the way their husband likes. Be extra doting and do something other than dinner and a movie, something that you may not like but your spouse does. I once planned an overnight stay to a bed and breakfast in our city (which we both like but I do more so) and then a morning trip to the science museum to see the Star Trek exhibit (which my hubby likes). He was so pleased that I planned our date with him in mind.
http://www.musingsofastrongblackwoman.com Rhonda J. Smith

Women can style their hair just the way their husband likes. Be extra doting and do something other than dinner and a movie, something that you may not like but your spouse does. I once planned an overnight stay to a bed and breakfast in our city (which we both like but I do more so) and then a morning trip to the science museum to see the Star Trek exhibit (which my hubby likes). He was so pleased that I planned our date with him in mind.
http://lovesgumbo.com Brooke @ LovesGumbo.com

Hubby and I get all dressed up and I put on make-up and we both shave to go out, even if it’s a simple dinner date. We play our favorite music in the car and we talk and laugh hard like when we first met. If money is a an issue, we get snacks and beer or hard cider from a convenience store and sit in a nice park at night and talk.
Psychstudent71

I did this last weekend with my husband, But we did it at home because he is under hospice care and is dying of cancer. Our wedding anniversary is next month, and I wanted to do something nice, because the fact is he may not be here next month. I turned off the phone, and Tv. I did my hair and put on something nice. My husband who always wearing Pj’s put on a nice shirt (still had on Pj bottoms) I sat a chair next to his hospital bed that is in our dining room and we ate dinner and talked. Not about hospice, or cancer, or dying. But about how we meet, how I tried to make rice and burned the whole pot up. How when I meet him he was still using cassette tapes in his car.
Yes, due to his medication he went to sleep early. But we had fun.

QUEEN

I LOVE THIS!! GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!!

Brwneyes8

Funny that I would read this article today. I was just having a ‘discussion’ with my husband over the weekend about just this. The what’s he used to do before and after we were fist married (16 years later) and all the false promises. I explained to him that he is now complacent with what is because I come home on a daily basis, which shouldn’t be satisfactory for anyone. I want those date nights, drives to nowhere, lying in bed, doing nothing but just enjoying each others company. You have gotta get it back before its too late and someone else takes them on Date Night!