Who Are You When You Argue?
by Eric Payne
Arguments are an inevitable reality of the human experience. Even more once you start living the married life. In an argument with your spouse which person are you:
- The spouse that doesn’t pay your spouse any mind because he or she is either 1) wrong; or 2) being emotional.
- The spouse that is always right. You dismiss/ignore whatever it is your spouse is saying to you.
- The spouse that rolls up their sleeves puts on the boxing gloves and goes all in, head to head and toe to toe to the finish with the blind goal of being the one who wins. ‘Cause you don’t play that!
- The spouse that walks away — all the time.
- The spouse who uses politeness and intellectualism as a weapon to marginalize and mock your spouse.
- The spouse who understands why your spouse is angry but argues against the way they are being spoken to. The argument only gets worse.
- The spouse who is slow to anger because you understand that your spouse’s anger is based on some level of disappointment, misunderstanding, stress and quite possibly pain. You somehow muster the self-restraint to not engage in petty bickering, and instead seek to resolve the conflict in a mature an adult way.
You may be just one of the above, none of the above, or some combination of them all. Whatever your personal circumstances may be please keep in mind that you are married. Is the goal to prove your rightness at the expense of your spouse? If you are right then they are wrong. You’re only as strong as your weakest link and how strong can you be if your other half is wrong?
Go into an argument with the mindset that you and your spouse are supposed to be made better by one another. Then although the arguments will still occur, you’ll be less concerned with who is right and more concerned with getting it right – together.
BMWK readers, what kind of spouse are you when arguments arise with your spouse? Does this work? Why or why not?
Follow Eric on Facebook and Twitter. He has written the articles Investing In An Emotional Letdown and the now infamous, My Wife Is NOT My Friend (on Facebook). He keeps it candid about being a man, dad and husband on his blog, Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. In his “spare time” Eric reviews autos, tech products and writes relationship articles for Atlanta-based J’Adore Magazine.
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