Denying Yourself Is Good For Your Marriage
Ever notice how much we are willing to sacrifice in certain areas of our lives and not as much in others? On our jobs for instance, we are quickly able to curb the desire to let a co-worker have it when we have been wronged; or to tell a boss exactly where and how to shove it. Because the result of surrendering to our urges at work is so great (we lose our job), we normally take the necessary precaution and bite our tongue. However, in most of our relationships we aren’t as willing.
Building and maintaining a healthy marriage is about sacrifice. It’s about denying yourself at times for the good of the marriage. Denying yourself does not imply you won’t get your piece of happiness. It does mean that your sacrifice right now will lead to a lasting happiness later on for you and your spouse.
A few of the selfish desires that should be denied in order to protect your marriage include the following:
The need for revenge. Some of us frequently feel the need to get even. Times when our feelings have been hurt and our emotions are raging our initial thought is it was done on purpose. The best questions to ask during those moments are “Do I really think my spouse intended to hurt me? What is the best positive response I could have to resolve this situation?” Once those questions are answered, you will be clear on how to move forward.
The need to shut down. By not communicating effectively you miss the opportunity to share and receive information that could benefit your marriage. Even during those angry moments, allowing your spouse a chance to “fix it” is great for both of you. Why choose to dwell in anger if the situation can easily be resolved?
The need to withhold sex. Ladies, this one is for you. I have been guilty as well of withholding sex when I have been upset or feel like my husband wasn’t as helpful around the house as he could have been. The reality is sex is beneficial to both partners. When you use it against your spouse you are missing the chance for intimacy, the health benefits, the stress relief and the overall pleasure.
The need to take your bad day out on your spouse. Just because you weren’t able to release your anger into the world doesn’t mean your spouse deserves it or has to take it. Always put yourself in your spouse’s shoes. Treat them as you would want to be treated.
The need to get attention from someone other than your spouse. We all know where this leads, so why even go there. If you are feeling a little neglected, share that with your spouse. You might be surprised how quickly they take action to make you feel good. At least give them the opportunity.
There are always steps we can take to ensure the health of our marriages. One of the biggest is not allowing ourselves to give in to what we want to do, but do what we know we should do.
We must be willing to suppress those selfish desires more often.
BMWK, what parts of yourself can you admit you have to deny in order to keep peace in your marriage?
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