Your Spouse Is Not Your Therapist

Relationships

by Tara Pringle Jefferson | on June 24th, 2011 | 4 comments

During the course of our marriage, there may have been a time or two when I accused my husband of being uncaring when I was going through some major life changes, or dealing with lingering bouts of depression.

I would want him to step up and claim my problems as his own, to hold me as I cried. There have been many days where I laid all my frustrations and fears and deep-seated issues at his feet, when I should have been laid up on a therapist’s couch somewhere, putting my good insurance to use to get professional help.

Yes, our spouses are supposed to there to pick us up when we feel weak, or to console us when we’re scared, or simply having a bad day. But to expect them to examine you and improve your mental health all by their lonesome? Um, no. I don’t think that’s in the vows.

About the author

Tara Pringle Jefferson is managing editor of BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com. She’s also the author of Make It Happen: The Young Mommy Guide To Creating The Career You Crave. Follow her on Twitter or check out her blog for her insights on what it means to be a mom, wife, student, writer, and about three other labels she’s too tired to remember.

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Comments (4)

Anthony from CharismaticKid Monday - 27 / 06 / 2011 Reply

Good point. I sometimes do this to my girlfriend. Save her!
Paulanealmooney Tuesday - 28 / 06 / 2011 Reply

So true, Tara, so true. Once I learned to cry out more to God -- literally sob to Him and bring my thoughts and frustrations -- things got better. No person can be another person's everything, nor should they be.nnI'm stronger and more attractive overall when I remember the Lord is there for me to give all that stuff to -- and I find that as a result, He gives me more of the attention I seek from humans once I stop relying on them and give more to Him in the first place.
Teetownsley Tuesday - 28 / 06 / 2011 Reply

Well I agree 100% with that cause putting that type of stress on your spouse can cause other problems down the line and even result in some resentment if your expectations aren't met. Give your problems to GOD and just allow your spouse to be there for comfort and support and sometimes an unjudgemental ear can be some what theraputic and will be appreciated .
Purposedriven7712 Thursday - 12 / 04 / 2012 Reply

I understand what you all are saying . but communication in marrige is very important, no he's not your therapist, but sometimes situations come up that are serious and you need your spouce to know. it takes two to communicate , and alot of times i do pray, but need extra support from my husbamd is this so wrong?