Get Your Momma! Words That a Mother-In-Law Should Never Say To Her Daughter-In-Law

BY: - 25 Jul '11 | Marriage

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Ladies, has your mother-in-law ever said something to you that just rubbed you the wrong way? Well the website Babble came up with a list of 10 Things that his momma better not say.

Included on the list of things that she should never tell her new daughter are:

  • How To Keep Her Home
  • My Son Looks Skinny, Don’t You Feed Him
  • He Was Mine Before He Was Yours
  • I Would Never Let My Child Do That
  • The Baby Stopped (Crying, Fussing, Cutting Up) as Soon as You Left

To see explanations of each and the last 5 statements on the list you can go here.

BMWK family, what’s the craziest thing that you’ve heard a mom-in-law say? Have you ever been guilty of saying something crazy to your daughter-in-law? Let us know in the comments section.

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109 WordPress comments on “Get Your Momma! Words That a Mother-In-Law Should Never Say To Her Daughter-In-Law

  1. Tionne Clarke

    MIL should never say to a daughter -in-law what her son tells her about his wife in confidence….eg “My son  told me  he wishes he listened to me and never married you”

    Reply
  2. Tionne Clarke

    MIL should never say to a daughter -in-law what her son tells her about his wife in confidence….eg “My son  told me  he wishes he listened to me and never married you”

    Reply
    1. Shyreeta Mouzone Harris

      A husband should not be telling his mother those types of things about his wife! If it’s something that deep, he should pray about it, talk to a therapist, or, as hard as it may be, talk to his wife about it. I just think people these days don’t know how to guard their marriages and their spouses properly, or else they choose not to do so! Marriage is about the two becoming ONE. In the same way that I carefully guard my own secrets I carefully guard my husband’s. And if I feel anger or resentment toward him, I find ways to express it to him, or to get it out without betraying the confidence of our marriage. I don’t go running and telling my girlfriends and my family members every time he hurts or upsets me! That is NOT their business! I know that I will get over things and forgive him when my mother ( or sister, or friend, etc.) may NOT! So why give them ammunition to use against a part of ME!!!

      My husband and I have been together for 17 years and the problems with my MIL have been ongoing. But the BIGGEST problem was his unwillingness to acknowledge and deal with the issues that were affecting our family! It was not until a few years ago that he FINALLY realized that he HAD to take a stand for our children and I. Our marriage and family has grown stronger, but his relationship with his mother (and his sister) is suffering greatly because they refuse to acknowledge ANY of their wrongdoing. It is something we are keeping in prayer, yet still trying not to let it affect our family too deeply.  

      Reply
  3. Nikki

    Let’s just say, the day she said any one of those things is the last day she is invited to my home. I am the queen here and no woman (even my mother) comes in there are wreaks havoc in the home. That will not happen. Besides, I love her dearly and know she would never do that. Have heard horror stories from my friends though.

    Reply
  4. Nikky

    Had a girlfriend whose mother in law would come over after she cooked just to taste the food and if the food was not according to her liking, she would throw it out and begin cooking her son some food.   She also called her a bad mother and was over bearing.

    Reply
  5. Janet Koch

    My mother-in-law consulted with HER ancient male doctor and then called me up and told me THEY agreed that I was going to ruin my health and my baby daughter’s health by breast-feeding exclusively. Fortunately Julia had started sleeping through the night that week AND gotten a glowing report from the pediatrician, so I felt secure enough not to snap at her … she also picked at me about my weight and my housekeeping and my wardrobe for years even though I had gone back to work full time … and yes, she wore white to our wedding … but I loved her for her wise-cracking ways and essentially good heart … and I cried when she died. Then her son got Grumpy Old Man Syndrome and left me … and the baby daughter waltzed off to college … now I’m alone but I think about her a kit because HER husband did the exact same thing … in a way I feel closer to her than ever … she survived … so will I …

    Reply
  6. Janet Koch

    Martha, I think you’re amazing! To survive in the face of all that venom! You are cherishing your children and persevering … shield them as much as possible from that hatred … your husband needs to shape up …

    Reply
  7. M S Lutz

    My mother in law made the first 12 years of my marriage a misery…until I finally banned her from the house. Not only did she say horrible things about me consistently, she also wrote about me and posted it to people in Germany where we live. (She is in the States). She constantly refered to my husband as part of their team and to me as a repulsive intruder. I gave everything up for her son, including my home in Australia. I have been raised to respect one’s elders, but she just takes the cake. I refuse to associate with her. I’m still not sure WHAT I did to deserve it!

    Reply
  8. Dididillard

    MiL
    Wore White to the wedding-check. Said “he was mine before and will be after you” check. Catered to the ex girlfriend who wanted him back-check. Didn’t call or respond for the 1.5 years he was in Afganistan while I was in grad school and working full time-check. Called me high yellow heifer who thinks I’m too good because I went to a fancy college–double check. Stripped my newborn in the hospital to see if he really had her son’s blood- check.

    The problem is/was he never put her in check. But I did and now we cool. You will NOT run THIS like you ruined your own.

    Reply
  9. Tori121315

    Lollll… Where do i start.. she said that i should consider having bariatric surgery because “my neighbor had it, although she almost died, she looks good now”
    She was in town for my sond birthday and took it upon herself to invite people to my house. She then asks where my vaccum was because “Mrs. So and so doesnt like a dirty house”. Keep in mind i did a top to bottom cleaning prior to her coming because i KNOWWW how she is…

    Reply
  10. Dee

    My husbands was with a woman in his late teens/early twenties ( I met her years ago outside of him) today I am really good friends with her. Years ago he told his mom, “guess who Dee happens to be friends with?” then he told her I was friends with his ex, MIL said “that’s who I would have chose for him”….. I politely said in return…”okaaaaay, I wonder what he did to mess that up”….she did a double take because I didn’t skip a beat made her feel really small. She later cried to me and told me she was envious of me and jealous of me and my husbands relationship. We are great now because after trying for years I decided to just stop going around, alot of stress is outta my life every since that decision. Woosah!

    Reply
  11. Dee

    My husbands was with a woman in his late teens/early twenties ( I met her years ago outside of him) today I am really good friends with her. Years ago he told his mom, “guess who Dee happens to be friends with?” then he told her I was friends with his ex, MIL said “that’s who I would have chose for him”….. I politely said in return…”okaaaaay, I wonder what he did to mess that up”….she did a double take because I didn’t skip a beat made her feel really small. She later cried to me and told me she was envious of me and jealous of me and my husbands relationship. We are great now because after trying for years I decided to just stop going around, alot of stress is outta my life every since that decision. Woosah!

    Reply
  12. Malkiann

    my MIL threatened to ‘isolate’ and ‘disown’ us if we didn’t name our twin sons one after my husband’s dad and the other after his oldest brother. my husband told her to go ahead and disown us LOL! she hates me now and claims I turned her son against her. but she behaves a little better. she refuses to call our kids by the names we gave them though.when my hubby is not around she calls them by the names she had chosen for them… and she keeps telling me how beautiful and polite her other DiL (who is a white woman) from her older son is. I say nothing back because I am not going to give her any weapons to use against me when she goes complaining about me to other family members! she can hate me all she wants as long as I have my husband on my side!

    Reply
  13. Malkiann

    my MIL threatened to ‘isolate’ and ‘disown’ us if we didn’t name our twin sons one after my husband’s dad and the other after his oldest brother. my husband told her to go ahead and disown us LOL! she hates me now and claims I turned her son against her. but she behaves a little better. she refuses to call our kids by the names we gave them though.when my hubby is not around she calls them by the names she had chosen for them… and she keeps telling me how beautiful and polite her other DiL (who is a white woman) from her older son is. I say nothing back because I am not going to give her any weapons to use against me when she goes complaining about me to other family members! she can hate me all she wants as long as I have my husband on my side!

    Reply
  14. Anishanphillips

    When I pointed out sa character flaw in my stepdaughter that we all needed to work on with her, she said, AND I QUOTE, “Well I’m so happy your here now to fix everything we did wrong!” My response, “I Am not the great white hype here to fix all you did wrong!” Then I jsut stopped talking cause anything else was going to be really disrespectful and I’m tryin’ still not to be that way to her. But sometimes she pushes me…

    Reply
  15. Del McElveen-Bey

    Since my husband’s serving time, his mama used to complain about what I used to wear. “why don’t you dress up like the other ladies?” her not realizing I would catch a fligh AND rent a car AND get a hotel without any financial help from her. I finally decided between him and her…I chose him. I told him to educate his mama because it’s not my job to…so he did. I dont call her for weeks at a time because she comes out of her mouth too slick for me.

    Reply
  16. Lewisn12005

    I’m blessed with an awesome MIL but there are times when she does somethings that make me a little irked…but she is one of my bestfriends and her good far outweighs the bad.

    Reply
  17. Shyreeta Mouzone Harris

    If I tried to write about every issue with my MIL, it would become a novel…or maybe a series of novels! My MIL and I have gotten along for two short periods during the 17 years I have been with my husband–the first two or three months that we were together (as 18 & 19 year olds) and during a separation period about seven years ago! Other than that, years can go by without us talking or interacting with one another.  Not that it matters much, though, because even if she doesn’t see or hear from me for two years, she still has nothing but negative things to say about me to my husband! It wasn’t until about three years ago that he finally made attempts to put an end to that! First, he would tell her to leave me out of the conversation. When she would begin yelling and cursing him out about ‘protecting that b**ch’, he would calmly get up and say ‘Alright, mom, I’ll see ya later!’ and leave. Then he would stay away for a month or so before going back to visit.

    For years, we would spend holidays apart because I was not allowed at her home. So, we would start out at home, then go to my mom’s house, then he would take the kids and go to his mom’s.  I would complain about it for years. Finally, I told him that I would NOT spend portions of the holiday without my husband and children because of some nonsense! I had to make him understand that I would never be comfortable going anywhere if he COULD NOT go! If my husband is not welcome, then neither am I and I don’t care WHO it is! He understands now but it was so hard for him to wrap his mind around not seeing his mother on Thanksgiving and Christmas.

    My MIL has called me an ‘outsider’ and said that I’m ‘nobody and nothing’. She thinks I am jealous of their relationship, not realizing that it is such a dysfunctional, unhealthy relationship that I would not WANT to have that kind of relationship with my mother! She told me that I will ‘never be a part of her family’ because she was angry at the close relationship I have with EVERYONE else in the family (except his sister). She does not really deal with our children because they are MINE. She talks to my husband without a hint of respect; belittling him, cursing and calling him names, and constantly asserting herself as the ‘most important person in his life.’ She told me ‘You are his wife for now, I am his mother forever.’ She has destroyed relationships with most of her family because of her self-centered and overbearing ways. It’s just chaotic. See, told you I could write a book and this barely scratches the surface!

    Reply
  18. Blkesence

    Less than an hour I had my first child my mother in law said… “o the baby has a big nose” and turns and looks at me and says “she has your nose!”

    Reply
  19. Vicky Rogers Burks

    Some of these young ladies don’t have a clue as how to clean/take care of a baby/cook all because they were never taught,but you can bet they know how to spread their legs and have sex.Some of them don’t even know how to keep their own bodies clean,and yet you can find them giving some pair of pants all of their money,be it their welfare check/food stamps(link)or their job check.While the children go lacking,as a ex-mother n law,my daughter n law was LAZY/NASTY,she would not keep up the house or her body.So one day I went over there and the place was DIRTY,so I told her that I was going to call DCFS.The next day she left my son,I was concern about my grandchildren,living in all that FILTH.Was I wrong? I don’t think so.

    Reply
    1. Martha A. Snowden

      I think that if you know someone did   not have the best situation growing up and you are aware that they need   help the best way to approach the situation is to gently ask if you can offer to help them with something , and offer an example of how you struggled with a similar situation yourself, for example: ” Hey so and so , I remember when I was a young mom myself and how hard it was to make time for myself, to take care of me , insert small smile, I would love to give you the chance to pamper yourself for   a few hours today and you guys go out and spend time together” then while she is gone wash some dishes and or straighten up a little   bring her a nice bath set of soap lotions etc.. Relationships are what is important in this life and it only detracts from the blessings of healthy family if we are always at each other in a critical way. A lot of young women don’t know how to cook , but want to learn or aare embarrassed about not knowing, some women do have sex prematurely but never had a mother to mentor themin the ways of a repectful woman, you could be that influence , the key is to remember that you are not now nor were you ever perfect and neither are they but they re the mother of your grands and yoou want to create a positve loving environment for the children above everything. Also a dirty house is being kept by your son as well   and I assume he was living htere since you said she left him , maybe consider the fault  wsn’t all with her after all he chose her  

      Reply
      1. Marcia

        I agree with you Martha. Sometimes, the person that’s casting stones is broken themselves. Love covers, it’s not proud, it’s not self seeking. If this MIL love her son and grandchild, she would do whatever it took to help, seeing that this young lady needed it… I’m just saying!

        Reply
  20. Harmonee

    My  MIL once told me that my food had too much pepper & all that pepper  was bad for our health  (she meant her son)  & reminded me that she doesn’t cook with all of that flavor. She’s a good cook, but so am I & my husband loves my cooking BECAUSE of the way I season the food. I just thought to myself…”yes, I know”.   There was another time during a fight we had that my husband called her & only told his side of the story…she proceeded to comment as if she had been there.. then told me it was because “they’ve always been very close”. I had to tell her that I’m  extremely close to my mother as well, but  he knows we agreed to keep our marriage between us & God & that he had no business calling her for commentary.I do love my MIL though. She is a great woman. I just need her to stay in her lane…and most of the time, she does. They probably just talk in secret now. That’s fine. lol.

    Reply
  21. Studioink

    Where do I begin, first she called herself moving in with us unannounced, while there she let me know that I wasn’t good enough nor pretty enough for her son, how she wished he married somebody else, how I would never be a part of their family and I would never be her daughter in law just the girl she wished her son didn’t marry. She didn’t know me well enough to say any of that bc we only had 1 conversation prior to us getting married where she told me I was pregnant and that their family doesn’t do abortions and that I would have to give my baby to her and I wasn’t even pregnant lol! We don’t talk much, we have a cordial relationship, but they need to write an article about sister in laws bc mine is a trip for real!

    Reply
  22. AshLeigh D'Vere McNeil

    My MIL   can’t stand me because I was her son’s 1st girlfriend and while I agree with her on a lot of things,   don’t agree with her about everything, and she can’t get it wrapped aroud her head that I have my own opinions and she can’t bully me to see things her way. She’s also upset that I won’t be her drinking buddy (I could never handle too much hard  liqour and my husband doesn’t think it’s attractive when women drink beer), and I believe she can’t stand the relationship her son and I unhave.   Her own husband is a momma’s boy and will run at her every beck and call, and she seems to have come to terms with that. She can’t understand why her own son is not the same way and thinks I’m poisioning his brain against her. She also hates that a few years ago well before we were married (today marks our 1 year wedding  aniversary but we’ve been together going on 7 years) she called me out my name, and her son put her in her place. She’s never said anyhting out of line to me since, but I can feel the resentment whenever i’m around her.

    Reply
  23. Martha A. Snowden

    I must say that since I last read this and commented I and my husband have made some progress in dealing with meddlesome in laws, and it has been my experience recently that the way to create a happier experience is to work on your own relationships and be communicative but not disrepectful with your husband. My husband is still not as protective as I would like he still insists on spending oour finances on them when they never participate in anything in our lives. One way that we made some progress is that wiht my mom he has a great relationship and he invited her to be in the hopsital during our delivery on our twins. It opened up a line of ocmmunication for us that has lead to a great new relationship , my mom is a very helpful mil for him and I ver supportive of us now that she can see we are committed in our marraige and not engaging inpoor choices. This we tried with his mom and hopefully it will work too. This Thanksgiving she came and spent with us and we toldher we wwere not going to the family dinner becuse they never some and support us in anything so we had decided to so our own dinner. She was very upset…with them !! She called and had it out with thme for not coming to see our kids ands even got some of his famil y to come over to our house instead. I have hope that I will be writing a great mil story soon:)

    Reply
  24. Mrs. L

    Mine asked to borrow the car to go to the store… Hubby took it to her… She shows up in the middle of our workout and says, “I need you to take me.” And he did. Oldest trick in the book.

    Reply
  25. Amber

    My MIL has done a few things, One i was in the hospital waiting to deliver but knew it was gonna be another 24 hrs before i actually deliver so we call her up and say NOT to come by until later on because it was only 12am and i wanted to get some sleep, but she came anyways. I also had an epidural, so i couldnt eat, she brought to my room chocolate muffins and ate and set them right in front of me i hadnt eattin now for about 14hrs. Then, after the baby was born, i had to have a c-section and was loopy afterwards so my husband was holding our daughter while i tried to gain full consciousness, my MIL asked if she could hold her my husband said no since I hadnt even gotten to hold her, my MIL pouted and threw a small hissy fit. Then another time, one of my nurses thought i was a teen mom ( i was 23 and married for 4 yrs.) and took my daughters temp. saw that she was a bit cold, and HANDED her to my MIL… I asked excuse me what are you doing nurse said the baby was a bit cold so im handing her to your mom to get her warmer… I proceeded to say no i want skin to skin i am the mother, my dear MIL said NO I can do it you rest!!!! REALLY!! this was only about 20hrs after i had my C-section. Ever since then my MIL and I havent really gotten along, she is still 5 months later calling me up every week to check in on me and the baby seeing how im doing as a mom and if the baby is okay with me… She also does this thing that just PISSES me off, every time we see her, she ALWAYS thanks me for having her and she always calls my daughter her baby emphasis on HERS. Am I over reacting or is it okay to be mad?

    Reply
  26. Erica

    My hope for all of us is that we find the love and honor in being able to even have a relationship with that divine woman that birthed our beloved husband/boyfriend/father-of-our child. Without these women, we would not have the man we treasure. Everyone is out here doing the best they can, right? Flaws and all, I hope we can love and value each other. My life is made 100 times better since my family has multiplied – with the addition of my husband’s family. I strive to be a blessing to them and they, in turn, have been one of the joys of my life.

    Reply
  27. Julia

    MIL should never come into the marriage home and change, fix or correct ANYTHING unless it is spoken over with the woman of the house. MIL’s should also not do anything that they are asked not to do pertaining to the marriage home.

    Reply
  28. Miss

    My MIL or shall I say “his momma” rather, cause she doesn’t tell people I’m her DIL but I’m her son’s wife. Anyhow, she told me she was jealous of me because I took her only son and I think she STILL feel that way. She came over once when we were having a disagreement and noticed things were a little tense so she waits til he leaves and come back and tell me, “You will never find another man to love you like that, so be cool”…I told him about it and told him that he needed to kindly put her in her place BUT he had the nerve to tell me, “That is between yall”….
    I was like ??????

    Reply
  29. Superwife

    I have a great MIL – however, I keep hearing that she wants to be invited to my house – as if not coming here means anything….???? As for many MIL’s they are like the MIL character in Jump the Broom – wanting their sons to fill a space that they can’t. My baby’s daddy’s mom was that way – hated me and pretty much everything I did. Drove a wedge between me and her son…didn’t realize until later, all she really did was destroy her own family – they are still her grand children and she hardly sees them due to her meddling. But my husband gets it – leave and cleave…hope it stays that way.

    Reply
  30. Mary

    I know exactly what NOT to do when my own kids get married. My mother in law has gone out of her way to make my life, and even her son’s life, hellish. I feel bad for her. I really do. She never really wanted to be a mother herself. She had dreams and goals that she put on hold or buried for her kids and husbands. But that does not excuse her to be just downright mean and evil to people who love her. Know her AND still love her.

    Reply
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