Should We Ever Stop Kissing Our Kids?

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by Tara Pringle Jefferson | on July 7th, 2011 | 17 comments

My three-year-old son is a kissaholic. He won’t go to bed unless his father and I kiss his face a gazillion times and he’s always begging for more. I don’t mind indulging him because I want him to know he’s loved and cherished. I kiss one cheek and he instinctively turns his head so I can get the other one. He knows what’s up.

We mostly kiss him on the cheeks but we also kiss him on the lips, too. As I was looking for a picture to illustrate this post, I came across this one from Hello Beautiful about a year ago:

In the post accompanying the image, the writer wanted to know if there was anything sketchy about a grown man kissing his almost-teenage son (on the lips), even going as far as to also include a close-up so readers could see exactly where Will Smith’s lips landed on Jaden’s face.

In my opinion, thinking about my son now and how I plan to treat him as he grows up, I say no, there is nothing wrong with a man displaying affection toward his son, no matter the age.

I know my husband didn’t grow up with a lot of hugs and kisses in his family. As a result, he’s definitely more verbal than physical with his affection. I haven’t asked my husband if he knows a time when he’ll feel uncomfortable kissing our son, but I hope that day never comes. There’s nothing sexual about it, and if we’ve done our job as parents, he’ll know that our pecks are signs that we are always in his corner and we love him deeply. I’ve decided that if someone ever asks my kids when’s the last time they got a hug or kiss from their mom (or dad), they won’t have to stop and think deeply about the answer. I know at a certain point, it will not be considered “cool” to give Mom a kiss in public and I’m okay with that.

What do you think? Is it cool to show physical displays of affection with your kids as they get older, or should you hang it up once Junior starts sporting facial hair? LOL. Does your answer differ if you have sons versus daughters?

About the author

Tara Pringle Jefferson is managing editor of BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com. She’s also the author of Make It Happen: The Young Mommy Guide To Creating The Career You Crave. Follow her on Twitter or check out her blog for her insights on what it means to be a mom, wife, student, writer, and about three other labels she’s too tired to remember.

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Comments (17)

Army Wife 101 Thursday - 07 / 07 / 2011 Reply

This is a great article because I have been thinking about this. In my house my kids demand kisses all the time . My son is the main one and I peck him on the l,ips or cheeks . Nope I don't think there is anything sexual about it, I just want him to know he is #1 in my life and how loved and cherished he is.u00a0
Daphne Mrsfixit Watson Thursday - 07 / 07 / 2011 Reply

I have 4 children and have to tackle my 16yo daughter and almost 11yo son to get any affection from them. If I ask them, they will indulge me...briefly. I grew up with my mom always hugging and kissing me, we'd hold hands all the time - even as adults. My dad has always been tender with me, I know, as an adult even, there's still a place on his lap for me. My 13yo daughter and 9yo son have no problem rushing up to me or their dad and grabbing a hug and kiss. In fact, they happily dispense the affection to everyone. u00a0I have to admit that I'm sad that my oldest son is a little "too cool" for hugs from mom but I get them. If he wants something I usually have him earn it in hugs but he's turned the tables on me, he's so strong and squeezes so hard that I have to let go. My oldest daughter just hates everything right now, so I hijack her and smother her with hugs and kisses, just so she knows that nothings changed with me. The other kids join in too and we get a little smile out of her then she retreats into her room.u00a0nnI don't think kids are ever too old to be shown affection from their family. It doesn't matter if my children are senior citizens, they're still my children and I'm going to get my smooches.
Kristen R. Harris Thursday - 07 / 07 / 2011 Reply

I dont think anything is wrong with kissing your kids at any age. However, I must say that I dont do the kissing on the lips thing with my girls and I couldnt see my husband kissing our son (if we had one) on the lips. I was just raised not to kiss on the lips but strictly on the cheeks. My 4 and 5 yr old girls are extremely affectionate and I can see them wanting kisses for a long time and Im willing to indulge--but the lips are off limits
Tiffany Formerly-Pickett Dorri Thursday - 07 / 07 / 2011 Reply

I kiss my 2 year son old on the lips,cheeks,tummy and anywhere else I want{thats appropriate}. I don't really know what age you should stop but at 2 he's already starting to wipe them off and running away. I just thought all kids knew when to say when but shouldn't that be up to the parents? I think if all parents were openly affectionate with their children that there would be less suicidal teenagers and depressed youth. I love my son and I will continue to kiss him 80 times a day until he gets too old for that to be cool anymore :}
CarlaL Thursday - 07 / 07 / 2011 Reply

My kids are 14(girl), 3(girl), and 1(boy). I kiss the younger kids on the lips all the time. One day my my 14yr old tried to kiss me on the lips and I backed away. She said to me, you kiss the other kids on the lips why can't you kiss me on the lips. I thought about it and I raised her to be affectionate, so for me not to kiss her was like a slap in the face. For me it feels weird to kiss my 14 yr old on the lips. However, she is my child and I don't ever want her to feel like I have pushed her away or the younger children are more important. If my 14 yr old wants a kiss from her mommy on the lips why should I say no. Most 14 yr olds don't want to have anything to do with their mom's!! So I proudly kiss her on the lips.
j oliver Thursday - 07 / 07 / 2011 Reply

I grew up in a family devoid of physical affection, but I hug and kiss my one-year-old son all the time, every day. Before my son was born, I blithely opined that kisses should be limited, and should avoid landing on lips - that just seemed inappropriate! But once that kid popped out, man, I couldn't help it. I kissed his whole face every day. Well, until he started teething. He's been drooling pretty much nonstop since he was three months old, so lip time has been limited. But I kiss his neck and his cheeks and give him raspberries on his tummy. His mom and I are very physically affectionate with him. I will say I don't go overboard with kisses - but I don't hesitate or feel any awkwardness aboit it. Is there a limit? Sure. I mean, as my son evolves into his teens, the rules of affection must evolve as well. Kisses will grow unfashionable, but luckily we never outgrow bear hugs and proud words of affirmation. The important thing is that the our affection, though it may shift in expression, never wavers in intensity.
j oliver Thursday - 07 / 07 / 2011 Reply

I grew up in a family devoid of physical affection, but I hug and kiss my one-year-old son all the time, every day. Before my son was born, I blithely opined that kisses should be limited, and should avoid landing on lips - that just seemed inappropriate! But once that kid popped out, man, I couldn't help it. I kissed his whole face every day. Well, until he started teething. He's been drooling pretty much nonstop since he was three months old, so lip time has been limited. But I kiss his neck and his cheeks and give him raspberries on his tummy. His mom and I are very physically affectionate with him. I will say I don't go overboard with kisses - but I don't hesitate or feel any awkwardness aboit it. Is there a limit? Sure. I mean, as my son evolves into his teens, the rules of affection must evolve as well. Kisses will grow unfashionable, but luckily we never outgrow bear hugs and proud words of affirmation. The important thing is that the our affection, though it may shift in expression, never wavers in intensity.
misslady Thursday - 07 / 07 / 2011 Reply

I WOULD ANSWER NO, THERE SURE ISN'T ONE (AGE LIMIT) IN MY HOUSE AND MY SONS ARE 19 AND 22. I AM 40 AND MY MOTHER STILL KISSES ME ON MY LIPS AND LOVES ON ME AND SHE IS 60. I NOW HAVE A KNEW GRANDSON AND BOY DO I LAY IT ON HIM. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME THAT HE KNOWS WITHOUT A SHADOW OF A DOUBT THAT HE IS TOTALLY LOVED BY HIS NANNA.
misslady Thursday - 07 / 07 / 2011 Reply

I WOULD ANSWER NO, THERE SURE ISN'T ONE (AGE LIMIT) IN MY HOUSE AND MY SONS ARE 19 AND 22. I AM 40 AND MY MOTHER STILL KISSES ME ON MY LIPS AND LOVES ON ME AND SHE IS 60. I NOW HAVE A KNEW GRANDSON AND BOY DO I LAY IT ON HIM. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME THAT HE KNOWS WITHOUT A SHADOW OF A DOUBT THAT HE IS TOTALLY LOVED BY HIS NANNA.
Druslim Saturday - 16 / 07 / 2011 Reply

I think a kiss on the cheek is fine (even when they're 30+), but kissing them on the lips when they're teens is just plain weird.
- Dad Saturday - 16 / 07 / 2011 Reply
  
  Look at Will Smith's son, he looks uncomfortable with the kiss.
DesertRose3339 Wednesday - 27 / 07 / 2011 Reply

This article brought tears to my eyes. I was born in 1971 and was raised in the 70s by african american parents from the South (mom in her 30s, dad in his late 40s) and I remember realizing at 13 that the last hug I remember was from my mom at age 4. It made me a little sad then, fortunately I was getting to the age where it wasn't" cool" anymore. My step-stair sisters are "kiss aholics" with their kids and I love them so much for that. I'm happy to say that times are changing.
DesertRose3339 Wednesday - 27 / 07 / 2011 Reply

This article brought tears to my eyes. I was born in 1971 and was raised in the 70s by african american parents from the South (mom in her 30s, dad in his late 40s) and I remember realizing at 13 that the last hug I remember was from my mom at age 4. It made me a little sad then, fortunately I was getting to the age where it wasn't" cool" anymore. My step-stair sisters are "kiss aholics" with their kids and I love them so much for that. I'm happy to say that times are changing.
DesertRose3339 Wednesday - 27 / 07 / 2011 Reply

This article brought tears to my eyes. I was born in 1971 and was raised in the 70s by african american parents from the South (mom in her 30s, dad in his late 40s) and I remember realizing at 13 that the last hug I remember was from my mom at age 4. It made me a little sad then, fortunately I was getting to the age where it wasn't" cool" anymore. My step-stair sisters are "kiss aholics" with their kids and I love them so much for that. I'm happy to say that times are changing.
DesertRose3339 Wednesday - 27 / 07 / 2011 Reply

This article brought tears to my eyes. I was born in 1971 and was raised in the 70s by african american parents from the South (mom in her 30s, dad in his late 40s) and I remember realizing at 13 that the last hug I remember was from my mom at age 4. It made me a little sad then, fortunately I was getting to the age where it wasn't" cool" anymore. My step-stair sisters are "kiss aholics" with their kids and I love them so much for that. I'm happy to say that times are changing.
Heal0000 Wednesday - 14 / 03 / 2012 Reply

I was wondering because when my toddler was 1 I used to kiss him on back of neck and sometimes side and face of course, I was wondering Is that wrong but it was so cute but I don't do it anymore since he's 2 yrs but I couldn't help it at the time due to cuteness overload but I don't know if that was wrong.
Heal0000 Wednesday - 14 / 03 / 2012 Reply

Oh by the way in that picture he doesn't like kisses anymore so he should leave it out now.