Your Marriage Is Not Unique

Last year I found myself in Charlotte on a business trip and I met up with a blogging buddy of mine. We met up and sipped smoothies together and inevitably started talking about the men in our lives, as women tend to do when they feel comfortable.

She started talking about household chores and how men just don’t understand how helpful they could truly be.

“…and you know, I just ask that he load the dishwasher….” she said. And I swear to you, in that six seconds, everything in life made sense.

You see, ever since we got a place that had a dishwasher (Hallelujah!), I’ve been on an unsuccessful mission to get my husband to do the dishes. Not wash the dishes by hand, not dry them by hand, but simply put them in the pretty little machine that washes them for us.

But it’s like my husband has some sort of allergy to the dishwasher. He can either load the dishwasher, or unload it, but not both. I realize it’s a silly thing to be fussing about. But still. This matters to me.

When my friend told me that she’s had the same conversation with her husband? We’re from two different backgrounds, married to two different men, and we’re both fussing about the same thing? Finally, it clicked for me.

Whatever little issue you’re complaining about, there are thousands of other people complaining about the same thing. If your husband doesn’t load the dishwasher correctly? Yours is not the only one. Your wife runs her mouth too much as soon as you get in the door after work?  Bet one of your friends is dealing with the same issue. This doesn’t mean that you don’t work on your issues, but just remember that it is not unique to the relationship between the two of you. Knowing this gives us the energy to deal with our own problems and not look toward the exits when things get hard.

It’s part of the reason why I enjoyed the Honey Do series. I would chuckle alongside Denene and Akilah because it was like these women were in my house, taking notes. (I need a season two, by the way.) By talking about the issues we all have in common, it helps us understand that the grass is not necessarily greener on the other side.

What do you think? Are shared relationship struggles easier to deal with?

About the author

Tara Pringle Jefferson is managing editor of BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com. She’s also the author of Make It Happen: The Young Mommy Guide To Creating The Career You Crave. Follow her on Twitter or check out her blog for her insights on what it means to be a mom, wife, student, writer, and about three other labels she’s too tired to remember.

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