Are The 20s The Hardest Decade?
So I’m 25, halfway between 20 and 30. On my next birthday I will be closing the gap between me and the big 3-0. Seems unreal at times.
Lately, I’ve begun to understand what people are talking about when they say that your 20s are about finding yourself and figuring out who you are. I had settled for the Cliff Notes’ version of “Who Tara is” when I found I was expecting my first child, because hey, who has time to be doing all this self-exploration when there’s, you know, a kid to take care of?
So I bumbled my way through my kids’ first few years of life, not really knowing what made me happy or what I liked to do for fun, or who I am as an individual without the definition describing how I contribute to someone else’s life. I was always TJ’s wife, or baby girl’s mom, or Marilyn’s daughter, or an employee of (insert name of former employer here). But who am I? Really?
I’m on a quest to answer that question. Since my 25th birthday, I’ve tried to focus on Tara, the person. I learn so much about myself every day. What I expect from myself and others. What ticks me off. What character quirks I carry from childhood.
I am truly a work in progress and I’m proud to say I’m a much better wife, mother, friend, sister, etc., because of it.
So what have I gotten so far? I’ll share with you:
I’m impatient but I’m getting better.
I’m kind almost to a fault, where I don’t like people to get upset with me, especially if I know I’m in the wrong.
I love hard. If I love you, you know it.
I’m much more introspective now. Before, I would jump into an argument with the quickness, ready to prove I’m right. I have the foresight to hold my tongue before I speak, to make sure I focus on solutions, not my anger.
I push myself incredibly hard. I have no downtime. I have goals to reach and failure simply isn’t an option for me.
Once I lose trust in someone, it takes an incredibly long time to get back on my good side, if it even happens. Forgiveness is still a long, grueling process for me.
I regularly need time to simply be in my own head. I’m constantly analyzing my life and its direction, and making adjustments on the fly just isn’t my thing. I need time to lay on my bed, close my eyes, and plot out my next move.
I love where I am right now, but this road of self-discovery sure isn’t easy. A couple weeks ago I wrote on the Facebook page that my 20s are almost physically painful as I peel back the levels of who I am. Will it be easier as I reach my 30s, 40s and beyond?
But I know that this is so necessary and tragically overdue. As I get a firm grasp on who I am, it makes my goals just that much more clear. It’s necessary for us to understand ourselves to the core. When we walk around with even half understanding, it complicates life. We can’t have healthy relationships, we’re ineffective when we work, and we will feel run down all the time because we don’t understand how our lives work best.
I’m putting in the work now, so I don’t wake up at 30, 40, or even 50 wondering what happened to my life and why I’m not happy living in it.
Do you feel you know who YOU are? How are you working toward figuring it out? Did you go through a period of deep introspection in your 20s?
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