Breaking News: Our Marriage Is Not Perfect (Her View)
Aisha Greene, one-half of the blogging team at HartlynKids.com, shares her thoughts on the “perfection perception” that comes along with being part of a happily married couple. Check out her husband’s views here.
by Aisha Greene (www.hartlynkids.blogspot.com)
On July 16, 2006, I married a man who is smart, funny, socially conscious and sexy (if I do say so myself). What he is not, despite what others think, is the exact replica of me in male form. Actually, the only thing my husband and I have in common is our sense of humor and uncanny ability to make a joke out of every situation. Otherwise, we are an ‘opposites attract’ couple for sure.
Somehow, someway, everyone thinks we are the same and a lot of people think our marriage is…perfect. I think this “perfection perception” has a positive and negative impact on our relationship. There is quite a bit of pressure on Hayden and I to “keep it together” in the name of black marriage. There is nothing false about our love but we have both joked in the past that we can NEVER break up because none of our single friends would get married. Why? We hear time and time again, “If you guys can’t make it, well…”
This external pressure is not all bad though. We do carry a bit of the weight of the “perfection perception” around with us during every disagreement or bumpy patch. It is almost like the third person in the relationship that nudges us and says, “This is not just about the two of you.” It definitely helps to push faster resolutions of arguments and quicker make-up sessions.
But for all my friends and onlookers, I want to say for the record that despite appearances, my marriage is not perfect! I have a lovely family and we have a beautiful home, stable jobs, we each have entrepreneurial experiences that fulfill us. We support each other, we do community service together and we are genuinely friends. The cherry on the top is our fantastically beautiful and smart daughter.
But behind those scenes…we disagree. We fuss over laundry and putting food away. I annoy him because I’m bossy and impatient; he drives me crazy because he does not have my same sense of urgency. But we LOVE each other, pure and simple. We communicate and make up. We date and laugh. We are just regular people. I will never post pictures of us on Facebook of us sitting on opposite sides of the room after a fight so yes, you will see family outings instead. But please don’t use the stability of my relationship to measure the potential of your own. Other than today, I will always publicly demonstrate a positive image of my family because I love my family. But that in no way means it is perfect!
Aisha Greene is a proud Brooklyn wife, mother, lawyer, blogger, entrepreneur. She is co-owner of a start-up independent children’s book publishing company and blogs about raising children with cultural awareness.
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