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Should You Ever Question Your Child’s Teacher?

Parenting

by  |  on September 8th, 2011  |  19 comments

Ron Clark, the distinguished “Teacher of the Year,” featured on Oprah, and the subject of his very own made-for-TV movie, “The Ron Clark Story,” has some words for parents about how to make sure your kids succeed. In a column on CNN.com, he argues that parents handicap teachers when they undermine their authority:

At times when I tell parents that their child has been a behavior problem, I can almost see the hairs rise on their backs. They are ready to fight and defend their child, and it is exhausting. One of my biggest pet peeves is when I tell a mom something her son did and she turns, looks at him and asks, “Is that true?” Well, of course it’s true. I just told you. And please don’t ask whether a classmate can confirm what happened or whether another teacher might have been present. It only demeans teachers and weakens the partnership between teacher and parent.

He also says that parents have become so litigious that it makes almost impossible for teachers to do their jobs:

I feel so sorry for administrators and teachers these days whose hands are completely tied. In many ways, we live in fear of what will happen next. We walk on eggshells in a watered-down education system where teachers lack the courage to be honest and speak their minds. If they make a slight mistake, it can become a major disaster.

My mom just told me a child at a local school wrote on his face with a permanent marker. The teacher tried to get it off with a wash cloth, and it left a red mark on the side of his face. The parent called the media, and the teacher lost her job.

It’s hard to imagine a teacher being fired over an attempt to remove marker from a child’s face, but we guess it happens. It’s unfortunate, for sure.

But what do you think about his point that parents tend to ask the child to corroborate the teacher’s story? Is it okay to second-guess the teacher? Should you always believe the teacher over your child? 


About the author

Tara Pringle Jefferson is managing editor of BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com. She’s also the author of Make It Happen: The Young Mommy Guide To Creating The Career You Crave. Follow her on Twitter or check out her blog for her insights on what it means to be a mom, wife, student, writer, and about three other labels she’s too tired to remember.



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Comments (19)

  1. 4greatparenting Thursday - 08 / 09 / 2011 Reply
    I agree that parents' defensiveness and misguided attempts to "protect" their children from perceived attacks by well-meaning teachers undermines the authority of educators and the school system in general. There are instances in which the teachers make mistakes, they're only human, but when parents refuse to accept reports of behavioral issues or apathy by their child and show disregard or disrespect for the teachers, the students feel justified in their misconduct and everyone loses. Parents and teachers should remain united. A school where the students are in charge is a dangerous place.
  2. 4greatparenting Thursday - 08 / 09 / 2011 Reply
    I agree that parents' defensiveness and misguided attempts to "protect" their children from perceived attacks by well-meaning teachers undermines the authority of educators and the school system in general. There are instances in which the teachers make mistakes, they're only human, but when parents refuse to accept reports of behavioral issues or apathy by their child and show disregard or disrespect for the teachers, the students feel justified in their misconduct and everyone loses. Parents and teachers should remain united. A school where the students are in charge is a dangerous place.
  3. Briana Myricks Thursday - 08 / 09 / 2011 Reply
    I don't think parents ask because they don't believe the teachers. I think they want their child to fess up (at least, that's been my experience). I think a parent/teacher bond is so important to a child's education. I will admit, I've seen a lot of parents take their child's word over the teacher, and I find it rare to see a teacher who will lie on a kid. It has to go both ways: parents need to do better and teachers need to speak up.
  4. Theresa Freeman Thursday - 08 / 09 / 2011 Reply
    I think it depends on the incident because teachers will lie to keep their jobs. Hell they're having sex with the kids what makes you think they won't lie. I think it's important to have a good parent teacher relationship, but I think it's just as important if not more to have a good parent child relationship that way you will know when your child is lying. That teacher is there for a school year where as your child is always there and if made to feel like he/she can't be honest because you took the teachers word for it is harmful to say the least. Parents and teachers have a job to do, so NO i won't just take your word for it that my child is mis-behaving, I will ask is that true, did you do that?
    • Samariaj Friday - 09 / 09 / 2011 Reply
      You are discussing an extreme to justify the common place.  Teachers aren't lying about your child talking in class, fighting, cursing or not doing homework  to keep their job.  
    • Pat Friday - 16 / 09 / 2011 Reply
      Oh my goodness, I can't believe you just said, "they're having sex with the kids".  You just generalized a huge profession by a few individuals.  Seriously, what percentage of teachers are having sex with their kids.  That's like the teachers saying the same thing about you.  They have to protect the kids from the parents because, hey let's face it, some parents are beating and molesting their children.  Do you seriously agree that because there is a parent convicted of molestation, that you deserve to be labeled a molester as well.  I certainly refuse to agree that it is okay to label "teachers" as molesters because of a very small populations of bad people.  As far as second guessing the teacher in front of the child, I would definitley ask my child about the incident at hand because I would want them to take full responsibility for their actions.  It is true that a teacher is trying to watch a huge group of children and might misperceive a situation,yes.  So, when my child say's "I didn't do that"  I might ask, "then why do you thing your teacher is saying you did?"  This gives the opportunity for you to hear your childs side, as well as inform you child about how to keep themselves from being around the wrong people at the wrong time.  I might then, talk to the teacher... BUT I would never do it in front of my child.  The child should always see the teacher as a person of respect, and a kid will quickly lose all respect for a teacher that their parent has disrespected.
    • Andelball Sunday - 04 / 12 / 2011 Reply
      You are generalaizing that all teachers are not to be trusted etc...?  I am just completing my student teaching and I have seen more bad parent behavior that undermines teachers authority to their children and makes their children have less respect for their teachers.  It is a detrement when parents act so self rightiously.  A minority of the parents in the school where I have student taught ask their children to take responsibility for their work and their actions instead choosing to constantly email and micromanage their childs homework and test scores from home.  It's hurting the teacher student relationship and it is hurting their own childs ability to take care of their own problems.  For someone like me about to venture into a lifetime career in this field it is already looking like an uphill battle.  I would still love love love the idea of teaching if I knew I would be respected as a masters level professional and I only had to work with the kids.  The adults, parents and administrators are the people who make teachers burn out.  We can't win.  Most teachers just result to keeping their mouths shut.  If your kid is acting up in school and failing to put in the effort needed to get the grades many of these parents expect, I guess we should just give them A's anyway to keep you off constant email and calls to the school.
  5. Smiley Thursday - 08 / 09 / 2011 Reply
    I think you have to be aware of the environment your kids are in. What is the history of the school, principal, community the school is in?  As parents we should know our children the best.  It's not realistic to think your children behave differently at home than they do at school.  If they are disobedient at home, why would they not be at school? Most times kids get in trouble at school for the same things we as parents have concerns about.  When this is the case, you have to give support to the teacher.  Even if you think they are wrong, showing teachers that you are supportive and not ready to jump down their throats in defense of your child will help the relationship in the furture.   The problem is many parents do not get involved until trouble arises.  Let the teacher know who you are and what your expectations are for your child at the start.  We as parents are to work together with teachers; their role is not to do it all.
    • Theresa Freeman Thursday - 08 / 09 / 2011 Reply
      I agree, but the question posed was "Should You Ever Question Your Child's Teacher", I still say YES, question the hell out of them but do it a way that's not to undermine them.
      • Jamiqua Thursday - 15 / 09 / 2011 Reply
        Questioning them may be one thing, but how do you "question the hell out of them" without inherently undermining them? Maybe "question them when it seems reasonable" would make more sense
  6. Alisha Walker Thursday - 08 / 09 / 2011 Reply
    I think parents and teachers should work together. I think somewhere that notion was lost and now it seems as if parent against teacher is the order of the day. Personally, I think the parent teacher relatinship is just like any other relationship and there should be an open line of communication. Unfortunately, this relationship has suffered the loss of respect that it once held. Yes you should be able to ask questions, but they should be done in private and in a respectful way.
  7. Chris B Friday - 09 / 09 / 2011 Reply
     My wife is a teacher, I think she welcomes questions as long as they pertain to the performance of the child and not her credentials or whether or not she needs to vary her established lesson plan. She's a smart cookie though, she listens to their line of questioning to determine whether the parent is helping or even understands what is going on in her classroom. Real talk though, the smart/intelligble parents ask questions without offending, but the "other" parents.........lets just say, the apples don't fall far from the tree!
  8. Bydotsmile07 Friday - 09 / 09 / 2011 Reply
    As a teacher my door is always open! You can sit in my classroom, call/email me, or have a conference with me regarding your child. Open lines of communication are the most important as well as understanding that it's all about the best interest of the student. We're in it to make a change!
  9. Bydotsmile07 Friday - 09 / 09 / 2011 Reply
    As a teacher my door is always open! You can sit in my classroom, call/email me, or have a conference with me regarding your child. Open lines of communication are the most important as well as understanding that it's all about the best interest of the student. We're in it to make a change!
  10. Anonymous Friday - 09 / 09 / 2011 Reply
    We live in a different world from the past. It used to be that teachers and other authority figures weren't ever questioned, except for  in rare cases. If a teacher told a parent that their child was misbehaving, the parent dealt with the child. Nowadays, the parents want to deal with the teacher instead of correcting the child. Kids today have entirely too much control and power. I'm not sure where all of this "fear" of discipling kids and adversarial relationships between parents and teachers come from, but we are doing these kids a huge disservice and setting them up for failure. 
  11. Leila Friday - 09 / 09 / 2011 Reply
    I am a teacher and also a parent. As a teacher, I've had to deal with parents from HELL! who believe everything their offspring says like it's the word of God. Those parents will be taking care of those children for the rest of their lives because they halt their progress. They don't let their children struggle at all. A child, or anyone for that matter, needs to struggle a little. It's during the time of struggle that we gain clarity. Now, on to my experience as a parent. I have turned around and asked my child if what the teacher is saying is true to have them 'fess up (As Briana Myricks stated). I want my child to admit their problem, then we can solve it. I do have great relationships with my children, so I do know when they are lying. I am NOT the parent that will get in the teacher's face or tell her how to run the her classroom because I know how hard it is.
  12. Another Voice Sunday - 11 / 09 / 2011 Reply
    Kids are human. Teachers are human. Humans lie. You won't see any teachers here who admit that they might exaggerate an incident to precipitate parental retribution. You also won't see any admit they want sex with your offspring, or are jealous of them, or are gradually hating kids but still want a job. You won't hear a teacher admit they abuse kids emotionally or physically. You won't hear a teacher tell a parent, "I really don't like your child," even if it's undeniable. You won't hear a teacher admit they might recommend behavior-altering drugs for a child because it makes their day easier. You won't hear a teacher admit that some children challenge their set routine by thinking outside the box. And we ALL know that ALL those things happen. I'm not a total teacher-blamer, because I've known some WONDERFUL teachers who engaged my child with what I know will be lifelong pursuits. And in that spirit, I reject outright this completely one-sided 'teachers know best' parent-blaming rant from a quitter. Can anyone source for me the horror story of the teacher who was fired over a red mark from marker removal? Google isn't very cooperative in the facts anecdotally supplied by the source's mother, making the story dubious. If the best horror story supplied turns out to be a myth... ...what does that say about the bias?
    • Carolinaschik7 Tuesday - 13 / 09 / 2011 Reply
      I googled it, and she was fired over using clorox wipes on the child's face, and then a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser, leaving the child with chemical burns on his face for the rest of the day, crying because his face hurt. (There's even a video of it from the security camera) She totally should have been fired over this. Maybe she wasn't aware that it would have hurt him, but if you don't have this kind of common sense, you really shouldn't be working with kids any way.