Sometimes A Man Just Needs To Hear…

After a long day by both of us, my husband and I collapsed into the bed, exhausted. It was almost midnight, and I know my husband was tired from doing the whole dinner-bath-bedtime routine that he takes over when I have class at night. My head was throbbing from being too tired and not getting enough sleep the night before.

He had just gotten into the bed and was already drifting toward some deep sleep. I leaned in close and put my head on his pillow. He opened one eye and smiled at me.

I stroked his arm and said, “You know I appreciate you for all that you do for us.”

He smiled wider.

“I know it’s not easy being you, but I do notice all the effort you put into this family. I’m glad you’re here,” I said.

It was just that simple. From time to time, I make sure to stop what I’m doing, ask my husband to stop what he’s doing and focus on my words.

“I love you.”

“I need you.”  

“Thank you.”

 Usually, after one of these moments of appreciation, I can almost see his stress levels drop and he’s able to walk a little lighter.

We all want that validation that our spouse *sees* us, that they understand that what we do every day is not easy, but they appreciate us making that effort. Don’t get so caught up in the day-to-day business that you miss out on little opportunities to connect.

Go home today and make it a point to give your spouse a hug if you normally don’t. Kiss your wife/husband on the cheek and tell them that dinner was wonderful; thank her/him for making it. Throw on a slow song and dance in the living room together. Give them a massage before you head to sleep. Make sure they know that no matter how much is going on, you remain committed to them through it all.

What’s your favorite way to show your spouse that they are something special to you? 


About the author

Tara Pringle Jefferson is managing editor of BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com. She’s also the author of Make It Happen: The Young Mommy Guide To Creating The Career You Crave. Follow her on Twitter or check out her blog for her insights on what it means to be a mom, wife, student, writer, and about three other labels she’s too tired to remember.



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Comments (46)

  1. A.J. Thursday - 29 / 09 / 2011 Reply
    Wow, this article was beautiful. And I have to say that when children see this type of appreciation between their parents it also encourages them to do the same. To appreciate what their parents do for them and to appreciate what others do so I really enjoyed reading this article. Thank you for writing it because it really is important and I think so many marriages don't do well simply because there is such a lack of appreciation. Such a simple step and yet it's so easy to forget. Thank you for this!
    • Tara Pringle Jefferson Friday - 30 / 09 / 2011 Reply
      Thank you for reading! My kids (like all kids, I suppose) see EVERYTHING we do and they ask questions. "Why did you kiss Mommy?" "Mommy, why do you make Daddy's plate for him?" "Stop hugging my Mommy!" (that's my son..lol) 
  2. Pat Thursday - 29 / 09 / 2011 Reply
    I wholeheartedly agree!  The quick 'thanks for bringing the trash can in" brings a smile to hubby's face.  The  "you're absolutely right honey" or "your father has spoken, don't ask me!!!"  makes him almost giddy.  Showing appreciation (and solidarity) are keys to a long-lasting and fullfilling marriage.
  3. traceykinohio Thursday - 29 / 09 / 2011 Reply
    What a great article & great reminder that it's the little things that make the difference. Great comments, too! :-)
  4. Daisy Thursday - 29 / 09 / 2011 Reply
    Aww I want somebody to say this to....
    • Shanieka7 Monday - 24 / 10 / 2011 Reply
      Me too...
  5. Alicia Grant Friday - 30 / 09 / 2011 Reply
    I love this. I just hope my next mate can appreciate it and not make it about sex every time I try to connect with him. That's a real turn OFF. My old one couldn't distinguish between the two.
    • Tara Pringle Jefferson Friday - 30 / 09 / 2011 Reply
      My husband was too tired to be thinking about sex. LOL
    • Nikslilsis Sunday - 02 / 10 / 2011 Reply
      I had a mate like that... and I agree it was a true turn- off!!
  6. OMOLARA KIM Friday - 30 / 09 / 2011 Reply
    Awwww this is beautiful... will definitely incorporate this in my (future marriage).  Appreciation does make people work harder and do better.  Thanks for sharing.
  7. Tlavette70 Friday - 30 / 09 / 2011 Reply
    Lovely article. You asked what way do we show appreciation to our spouse. For Valentine's Day last year I gave my husband a small mailbox with a flag which I told him to check periodically. It's prominently fixed on a self in his man cave and screams 'leave me a note'. So I oblige! I leave him notes. Some racy. Some just to say i appreciate how hard he works for his family. When he's been good on his diet I leave him his favorite candy. He smiles for days!
  8. Ebony Friday - 30 / 09 / 2011 Reply
    Little words of appreciation can make the biggest impact!!! Great article!!!
  9. Ebony Friday - 30 / 09 / 2011 Reply
    Little words of appreciation can make the biggest impact!!! Great article!!!
  10. MRSW Friday - 30 / 09 / 2011 Reply
    This is marriage 101....appreciate one another...daily.
  11. Latisha Walters-Patton Friday - 30 / 09 / 2011 Reply
    So..sweet..! It the little things that are really big things. I must do this more...!!! Love it!
  12. Kellyrclarke Friday - 30 / 09 / 2011 Reply
    Last week I gave my boyfriend a card saying the same thing.  Out of the blue and just because.  He truly appreciated it.
    • Tara Pringle Jefferson Friday - 30 / 09 / 2011 Reply
      @Kelly - And it's so true that you get what you give! Being good to our partners can only lead to good things, believe me. 
  13. Lgwhite Friday - 30 / 09 / 2011 Reply
    Nice article. Too many people take their significant others for granted. A little appreciation goes a long way and its a sign of thoughtfulness that isn't self centered. Though I am not married yet, I have been in relationships with women who were on both ends of the spectrum. The one who showed her appreciation motivated me to keep giving of my heart, time, and resources while the one who took me for granted wasn't around for long.
  14. Shannon Saturday - 01 / 10 / 2011 Reply
    So simple. So true. Good advice.
  15. Olivia Pringle Saturday - 01 / 10 / 2011 Reply
    Wow. This really shines a light on a lot of things.
  16. Briana Myricks Saturday - 01 / 10 / 2011 Reply
    I've been trying more to let my husband know how I feel and how much I appreciate him. If he does something as small as doing the dishes, I thank him with more than just "thanks boo". I'll say it like I mean it: "thanks for doing the dishes babe, I really appreciate it". I can tell it makes him feel better, and I feel better too because I really mean it. I've been saying "I love you" more too. I don't want to go 1 day without saying it.
    • Tara Pringle Jefferson Monday - 03 / 10 / 2011 Reply
      @Briana - Sometimes if you stop, and really think about it, you'll see that your mate is so helpful in your life in so many ways. I'm glad my husband is there to load the dishwasher. LOL. 
  17. Lblakely2010 Saturday - 01 / 10 / 2011 Reply
    this is so amazing, because i get excited about the little things.  right now my husband is working nights, and it's so funny because i can't go to sleep until i know he's made it home safely. i love it when my husband tells me he appreciates me for all i do and vice versa.
    • Tara Pringle Jefferson Monday - 03 / 10 / 2011 Reply
      I do that too when my husband works late! I can tell he appreciates it, since anyone who knows me knows I need my sleep! :) 
  18. Susan E. Ukpere Saturday - 01 / 10 / 2011 Reply
    This was a beautiful post. Single as I may be, when dating, I felt and learned that the little tokens of appreciation go a long way compared to extravagant gifts. A heartfelt thank you note or card just saying how much you value them where they are with you can make anyone's heart smile. I read the comments and most were just as great as the post. One day, I'll be able to put these words into action. :)
  19. Phil Turner Jr Monday - 03 / 10 / 2011 Reply
    Excellent article Tara! :-) The greatest gift you can give a man is your happiness! We live to make our woman happy and when she appreciates us that means validation. Otherwise we feel like failures. You see, a man may yell at you get upset, and show other types of emotions when at the core, he simply feels like he can not make you happy. He has failed!!!! Appreciation and a smile can do wonders for a troubled relationship. Try it on for while and you will see.
    • Tara Pringle Jefferson Monday - 03 / 10 / 2011 Reply
      I know there was a point in my marriage where my husband honestly felt like nothing he did was good enough for me. I had to learn to let go of the "Yeah, but's" (as in, "Yeah you cut the grass, but the kids have been in here driving me crazy the whole time you were out there.") and just embrace the "Yeah, thanks!" 
      • Lamar Monday - 03 / 10 / 2011 Reply
        Love that. I love it when couples grow because it's so easy to point the finger in the other direction but when we examine ourselves and what we can do better it really can change the situation in ways that you may never imagine.
      • Lamar Monday - 03 / 10 / 2011 Reply
        Love that. I love it when couples grow because it's so easy to point the finger in the other direction but when we examine ourselves and what we can do better it really can change the situation in ways that you may never imagine.
  20. Benita Friday - 07 / 10 / 2011 Reply
    I love it!
  21. Kemi Friday - 07 / 10 / 2011 Reply
    Awww...I can't wait for the day that I could say these words and show my love and appreciation to...someone to share my world with.
  22. Kemi Friday - 07 / 10 / 2011 Reply
    Awww...I can't wait for the day that I could say these words and show my love and appreciation to...someone to share my world with.
  23. Cathy McNair Monday - 24 / 10 / 2011 Reply
    WHATEVER it is I believe my husband needs up to and including what some evidently believe is a turnoff.  It NEVER is....because it is ALL about love and appreciation and closeness.....we have SUCH a short time on this earth that all opportunities for love should be taken and celebrated....Peace and blessings to all....
  24. Cathy McNair Monday - 24 / 10 / 2011 Reply
    we have SUCH a short time on this earth that all opportunities for love should be taken and celebrated....Peace and blessings to all....
  25. Bridgette Howard Tuesday - 25 / 10 / 2011 Reply
    wonderful story!!!  i agree wholeheartedly...i'm a Flight Attendant and when i'm on a trip (as i am now) my baby takes care of our boys.  once we decided to go forward with this lifestyle he was adament that my happiness is what makes him satsified.  i know he supports me and i support him!!!  although after a long day at work, to come home with the boys...dinner, homework, baths and bedtime it's always nice to hear i love you baby, thank you for taking such good care of us (and a little lovin') makes a world of difference.  cudos to all of the men who step up everyday, including mine.  you are appreciated!!!
    • Lamar Tuesday - 25 / 10 / 2011 Reply
      GREAT comment Bridgette!
  26. tia Saturday - 05 / 11 / 2011 Reply
    Thanks so much for your post. Reminds me how such little words can be so important.
  27. Mrsmull1 Saturday - 05 / 11 / 2011 Reply
    This is so very important in marriage. Thanks for the reminder.
  28. tee baker Sunday - 20 / 11 / 2011 Reply
    This was useful 4 those couples that is lacking communication & appreciation~_~
  29. Mrs. Carter Sunday - 20 / 11 / 2011 Reply
    Great article! I did this a few days ago and it brightened my husbands day!
  30. Faithfully77 Wednesday - 08 / 02 / 2012 Reply
    What a great read! I especially love the part and I quote,  "Usually, after one of these moments of appreciation, I can almost see his stress levels drop and he’s able to walk a little lighter." This is so true, our men go through so much througout the day that can easily bring them down but knowing they have someone in their corner with geninue love and admiration for them can help make all the difference. Thank you for the reminder.

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