A Different Child

by Shenia Coleman Kirkland (www.1peachymama.com)

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October is Pregnancy and Newborn Loss Awareness Month. This holds a special place in my heart because I am one of the 1 in 4 women who have experienced such a loss. On April 13, 2004, our first daughter was born. And, she passed away six and a half weeks later.

The loss of a child is the most gut-wrenching and traumatic experiences that one can endure. And, after the devastating loss of our daughter, our road to parenthood was filled with anxiety, depression, and tremendous fear. I can laugh with family and friends now when I look back at how OCD I was during my two subsequent pregnancies…. And, I thank God that I have such wonderful friends who held my hand and prayed with me during that time. *smile*

We were later blessed with two beautiful and dynamic daughters, with whom we share our lives and our love. I often say that we have been immensely blessed with an angel in heaven and two princesses on earth. To anyone who is considering trying again after a loss, this poem will resonate with you. I can truly empathize with your tears and your fears.

With that said, I dedicate this to my two princesses:

A Different Child
People often notice that
There’s a special glow around you.
You grow surrounded by immense love;
Never doubting that you are wanted.
Just look at the pride and joy
In your mother and father’s eyes.

But, if sometimes,
Between the smiles,
There’s a trace of tears.
Please know that these tears have no bearing
Upon their love for you.

One day
You’ll understand.
You’ll understand that
There was once another child;
a different child.
A child in whom they placed their hearts,
as well as their hopes and dreams.
A child who will never outgrow her baby clothes…..
A child who will never again keep them up at night……
In fact, that child will never be of any trouble at all.
Except sometimes, in a silent moment,
When mother and father miss so much
That other child.

May hope and love wrap you warmly.
May you always remember how very precious you are.
And, may you never forget
How infinitely fragile
this life on Earth truly is.

One day, as a young woman
You may see another mother’s tears or
Another father’s silent grief.
Then you, and you alone,
Will offer the greatest comfort.

When all hope seems lost,
Tell them, with great compassion,
“I pray that God’s arms will comfort you
and for a peace that surpasses all understanding.
Be bold. Be courageous. Be brave.
I am here because my parents
Had the courage to try again.”
~Author Unknown

Until next time…..
All the best, y’all!

Shenia Coleman Kirkland

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Shenia Coleman Kirkland is an attorney, law professor, novelist, screenplay writer and motivational speaker. She chronicles her journey from a driven corporate attorney (and feminist) to wife and work-at-home mother on www.1peachymama.com, in which she discusses the tenuous balance between motherhood, marriage and maintaining a sense of self. She would love for you to follow her on Twitter @1peachymama.


About the author

Content and articles from the staff and guest contributors of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com



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Comments (3)

  1. ShootieGirl Friday - 28 / 10 / 2011 Reply
    Shenia - Although I know your personal story, it still breaks my heart to hear it again.  Only God knows why you had to endure all of this, but look at the 2 beautiful little gifts despite the tragedy.  Hugs and Love, Always! ~ LaShaun
  2. Portia Sunday - 30 / 10 / 2011 Reply
    i  feel your pain. on January 24,2002 while at my prenatal visit i was told that my baby did not have a heart beat. at 20 weeks i was devastated  my world was turned up side down. 6months later i found puut i was pregnant again,the whole pregnancy i was worried,depressed and scared. but now i have a Happy, Healthy 8 yr old son Jonah. R.I.P Tevin Lee mommy Loves you!      God Bless you, your babies are Beautiful..     
  3. Csamp2002 Sunday - 30 / 10 / 2011 Reply
    Thank you so much for this series and sharing your story.  My husband and I too lost our first born child, a son, after a 2 and 1/2 month stay in the hospital.  You look back on those days and wonder how you ever made it through it all but with love, encouragement and prayer we too moved forward to try again and now have a beautiful 4 yr old daughter who we cherish.  The final poem you shared resonates so well and I will save it and cherish it always.  And when my daughter is older, I will indeed share it with her.  There's also a song by Twila Paris that helped us in so many ways and was sung at our son's funeral service.  Thought I'd share the lyrics here.... Visitor From Heaven - song by Twila Paris Visitor from heaven, If only for a while A gift of love to be returned We think of you and smile. A visitor.. from heaven Accompanied by grace Reminding of a better love And of a better place. With aching hearts and empty arms We send you with a name It hurts so much to let you go But we're so glad you came A visitor from heaven If only for a day We thank Him for the time He gave And Now its time to say We trust you to the Father's love And to his tender care Held in the everlasting arms And we're so glad you're there We're so glad you're there.

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