Do You Treat Your Marriage Like A Real Job?

Some of us wouldn’t be caught dead talking to our boss the way we talk to our spouse.

We wouldn’t continue to watch TV or fiddle around on Facebook while our boss was talking to us. We wouldn’t roll our eyes and sigh if they asked us to do something.

We get comfortable in marriage. Sometimes too comfortable.

We forget that it’s a partnership. That pulling our weight and respecting the other person is our #1 role in the relationship. We forget the power that our words and actions have. We sometimes forget that this is what building a life together is about.

Do we take a moment at the beginning of the day to prepare for the day ahead? In the office, we usually have some sort of routine to ease us into the day: we get our coffee, check our email, maybe even say a quick prayer, or chat with co-workers. Do we approach our marriage with the same type of mindfulness? How many of us are grumpy and we know it, but we don’t apologize or are slow to correct ourselves? How many of us would be “fired” if marriage was a real job?

How can we be more mindful in our marriage, taking lessons from the workplace?

• Double check your performance. If your marriage was a real job, how would you do in your performance review? Has your “work” been quality lately or are you phoning it in?
• Don’t cut out early. We all know that phenomenon where once it gets close to 5 p.m., it’s darn near impossible to focus on work. So you spend twenty minutes mentally shutting down and transitioning to the next part of your day. How often do you find yourself doing this at home? You’re not quite finished with whatever your family has planned, but you’re already on to the next thing. Slow down and give your family that attention they’re seeking.
• Soften your tone. When we find ourselves snapping at our spouses, it’s usually because we think we can without any consequences, unlike how it goes down at the office. “They know I’m kidding,” we tell ourselves. Or “They’ll forgive me.” But I think we all realize our spouses deserve more. Be sure to coat your words in honey before they leave your mouth.

About the author

Tara Pringle Jefferson is managing editor of BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com. She’s also the author of Make It Happen: The Young Mommy Guide To Creating The Career You Crave. Follow her on Twitter or check out her blog for her insights on what it means to be a mom, wife, student, writer, and about three other labels she’s too tired to remember.

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