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I Would Hate To Be Married To Someone Who…

Marriage

by  |  on November 21st, 2011  |  26 comments

I would hate to be married to . . .

  • Someone who thinks they know everything.
  • Someone who is never pleased, no matter what I do.
  • Someone who criticizes more than compliments.
  • Someone who laughs at me and not with me.
  • Someone who talks more than listens.
  • Someone who is rude and disrespectful to me and others.
  • Someone who thinks they’re perfect.
  • Someone who is jealous of my success.
  • Someone who refuses to be happy.
  • Someone who neglects our children.
  • Someone who is selfish and self-centered.
  • Someone who keeps a record of my wrongs.
  • Someone who is not in love with me.
  • Someone who values material items more than people.
  • Someone who ignores me.
  • Someone who mocks my dreams and goals.
  • Someone who always sees the glass half-empty.
  • Someone who looks to me to make them happy.
  • Someone who thinks lying is okay.
  • Someone who loves self more than God.
  • Someone who thinks love is conditional.
  • Someone who cringes at my touch.
  • Someone who wishes they were married to someone else.

This is my prayer: Lord, help me NOT to be the spouse I would hate to be married to. Amen.

Who would you hate to be married to, and how do you make sure you don’t become that person?


About the author

Dr. Michelle Johnson is the founder of Alabaster Woman Ministries, an online
international women’s ministry. She is a wife, mother, writer, speaker,
teacher, and first lady of a church in North Carolina. Through her daily
blog, online radio show, and video Bible studies, Dr. Michelle encourages
women and married couples to make God the center of their lives.



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Comments (26)

  1. Abi Monday - 21 / 11 / 2011 Reply
    Hi Dr Michelle: You cover just about everything I have on my list and more LOL. I just have to remember this list when I start dating again. The brother would not know it but I will subtly scrutinize him and I will watch myself so that I don't become the one he doesn't want to marry because of everything you said above.
    • Dr. Michelle Johnson Monday - 21 / 11 / 2011 Reply
      That's the point Abi. It's good to have expectations; it's better to meet them yourself first! 
  2. Niambi Monday - 21 / 11 / 2011 Reply
    Thank you for this post!  Every day I am learning more about the marriage that I desire to have.  You are right when you said that we should be careful to make sure that the things we don't like in a spouse, we do not become that person also.  We have to treat others they way we would like to be treated.  Sometimes we point fingers at the other person about what they are doing wrong but we don't look at our own faults.  It's easier to do this because sometimes we like to be right and don't want to admit when we are wrong and when we have done something to make the other person feel hurt or offended.  But we are not perfect and everyone has something we need to work on to improve ourselves.  And as the bible says, we should "take the speck out of our own eye first".  I think when we do this, it teaches us humility and to also have unconditional love and compassion not only for your spouse but for others also.
    • Dr. Michelle Johnson Monday - 21 / 11 / 2011 Reply
      Exactly Niambi. This is one of the most important keys to a strong marriage. Each partner has to work on him/herself instead of focusing so much energy on changing the other person. HELP ME LORD, should be our cry. 
  3. Ronnie_BMWK Monday - 21 / 11 / 2011 Reply
    Thanks Dr. Michelle... I find focusing on myself always shows the best results for my marriage.
  4. Lawandaweldon Monday - 21 / 11 / 2011 Reply
    Oh yes!  Some of these points made me shudder reading them.  And the kicker at the end NOT to become any of those things! 
  5. KEITH Monday - 21 / 11 / 2011 Reply
    This is why I thank God everyday for my husband.
  6. Niecy Monday - 21 / 11 / 2011 Reply
    That prayer at the end is gold!
  7. moonblue54 Monday - 21 / 11 / 2011 Reply
    An unfortunate reality is that anyone who's not satisfied with themselves will make your life miserable and nearly unbearable trying to make you feel like you're good enough.  Nearly all of the statements above apply to them.   What I've seen in my lifetime is that there is no pleasing the person who is not happy with himself/herself.  They'll whittle away at your self-esteem and self-confidence by belittling and criticizing every accomplishment or achievement you make and every goal or good quality you have.  The problem is always with someone else other than themselves (a point they'll readily let you know).  If you want a great relationship,  just BE what you're looking for. 
    • Dr. Michelle Johnson Monday - 21 / 11 / 2011 Reply
      Love your last sentence. That's the point!! "Just BE who you are looking for."Love it! 
  8. ijs Monday - 21 / 11 / 2011 Reply
    Can someone who is not happy with themselves, who has trouble seeing the plank in their own eye, who exhibits almost every behavior on this list really BE the person they are looking for? How? Do they have the capacity? If they don't realize they have issues or haven't had the behavior modeled for them how can they become something they're not? What if both people in the relationship have some of the same issues? Can they ever have a healthy relationship, or is it a disaster waiting to happen?
    • Dr. Michelle Johnson Monday - 21 / 11 / 2011 Reply
      I think you got it right. If neither spouse will look in the mirror, then that is a disaster waiting to happen. Somebody has to be the grown up and drop their pride. At some point you have to recognize that what you are doing is NOT working so something/somebody has to change. Why not let it be you?  My two cents. 
    • moonblue54 Monday - 21 / 11 / 2011 Reply
      My comment was for persons who are looking for something better, to be better.  Sometimes we don't know we have the great capacity to change until we're challenged.  I'm just one of those idealistic people who believes that love can be a conquering, motivating, inspiring force that makes us surprise even ourselves sometimes.  We're intelligent creatures and even when we don't realize or perhaps don't want to realize we have issues, there are those instances that nudge us out of denial (e.g., when we keep getting the same responses/reactions in every relationship (same issues, with different faces).  Likely, EVERYBODY else is not the problem...sometimes it's us, as hard a pill as that is to swallow.   We either keep doing what we've always done and getting what we've always got or we take the positive, difficult steps to change, if for no other reason but to prove to ourselves that, "No it's not me...it's EVERYBODY else who has problems." :-)  I believe in the triumph of the human spirit. A life exposed to lovelessness, meanness, and selfishness that does not allow itself to be consumed by those destructive forces, but instead emerges with an even greater capacity to love.  It's possible.  Love is full of possibilities.
      • Dr. Michelle Johnson Monday - 21 / 11 / 2011 Reply
        You said a mouthful there. Great points about it being difficult to look at ourselves. 
  9. Anonymous Monday - 21 / 11 / 2011 Reply
    I would hate to be married to someone that is lazy and lacking ambition.  Everything else has been covered here...
  10. Lrogers_33 Monday - 21 / 11 / 2011 Reply
    If I met a woman who displayed even a fraction of the reasons listed, she wouldn't be a consideration as a wife anyway.
    • Dr. Michelle Johnson Tuesday - 22 / 11 / 2011 Reply
      Good looking out. How did the prayer speak to you, or did it? Do you think about the characteristics that YOU display? 
  11. Nj Tuesday - 22 / 11 / 2011 Reply
    This is a great list to work with. Thank you! I've learned over the years to think and pray on what I want rather than what I do not want. Therefore, I have decided to use your list to make my request. Thank you again!I would love to be married to . . .Someone who is always open to learning from me and others.Someone who is pleased with life and me.Someone who compliments me.Someone who laughs with me.Someone who listens.Someone who is respectful to me and others.Someone who wants me to be successful.Someone who chooses to be happy.Someone who loves and takes good care of our child(ren).Someone who is selfless and thoughtful. Someone who is forgiving of me and others.Someone who loves and adores me.Someone who values people.Someone who is discerning.Someone who encourages my dreams and goals.Someone who always sees the glass half-full.Someone who looks to God whenever necessary.Someone who thinks telling the truth is the only way.Someone who loves God more than self.Someone who thinks love is unconditional.Someone who gets excited at my touch.Someone who thanks God everyday for marrying me.Someone who is ambitious. (for Gingerlatte )               AMEN!
  12. Dial92499 Tuesday - 22 / 11 / 2011 Reply
    I saw the list and thought, there are some things I need to work on, even after 12 years of marriage. Help you Lord. I know you are not done with me yet!
    • Dial92499 Tuesday - 22 / 11 / 2011 Reply
      "Help me Lord"
  13. KyBLUE714 Tuesday - 22 / 11 / 2011 Reply
    Honestly....Marriage is not for everyone....Thanks to experiences, movies and classes I have attended at a church-singles conferences, it has helped me discover the qualities that are needed for a marriage to be successful are lacking in me..... But at the same time It's ok if I dont desire no longer to me in a marriage. Blue714

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