by Amber Wright (www.theyeyodiaries.com)
The other night I had dinner with a girlfriend and our time together really left an impression on me. She’s in a new relationship and was beaming with the “newness” that Musiq Soulchild sang about on his song of the same name. She was drenched in it, actually. I am so happy for her because I know that feeling that new love brings. I remember it well.
Seeing her smile from the inside about her new man, responding to his text messages as they came throughout the night, watching her giggle as she took his call””it all brought back so many memories for me of when my husband and I were dating. This lovefest I was witnessing got me thinking about my own marriage and how it has evolved over the last five years since we’ve been on the other side of “I do.” Many things have changed, but they’re still good. We’re happy. The life we dreamt of over quiet, romantic dinners in the beginning? We’re actually living it today. And that is a blessing!
My friend and I talked the night away about love and marriage. I look forward to watching their romance unfold and develop into a strong, healthy relationship that will hopefully take them to the altar. Granted, they haven’t been together long (a little less than six months), but I wanted to let her know that she had an ally in me.
I gave her tips on books to read. I was candid about how we made it through two years of dating without breaking our commitment to celibacy before marriage. I kept it real with her about the ups, downs, challenges, and triumphs that the road to marriage offers – and the beauty in it all. She asked me questions and I responded honestly. All of that dialogue got me thinking about how important relationship accountability is while you’re dating and after you’re married.
Having another couple you can trust and be accountable to is a great tool for those of us in relationships. I think it’s important as married couples that we adopt a younger couple and guide them on their journey. And by “guide,” I don’t mean get in their business and meddle! It means we should be open and honest about the wild ride that marriage is. That takes work but is worth investing in.
I think that’s why sites like BlackandMarriedWithKids.com are so successful. We come to those spaces because we all want that aha! moment that happens when we realize that we’re not the only couple on earth facing whatever issues we’re facing (be it good or bad). As Musiq said in his song, “Everything is cool, when love is all brand new.” Now let’s work together to help it stay that way!
What about you? Did you have a couple you could talk to when you and your spouse were dating? Do you offer that outlet to a younger couple now?
Amber Wright, M.A. is a deliriously happy new mother of a special little girl and loving wife to a wonderful man. She invites you to visit her blog, The Yeyo Diaries, where she vows to tell the raw and lovely truth about motherhood.