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5 Reasons Why Some Men Abandon Their Children

Parenting

by  |  on December 26th, 2011  |  35 comments

I was recently asked why some men abandon their children. As a man fully committed to the well-being of my family I don’t believe there is one single answer for why this happens. But I know for a fact that fear, if let unchecked, will send a man down a road of no return. If left unchecked fear will negatively impact anyone, male or female, and the people around them. As someone who has been there, hearing the news that you are about to be in charge of raising another human life can create a tightness in the throat, a quickening of the heartbeat, a sinking feeling in the abdomen and panic in the mind. This is a very human reaction to fear. Here are five reasons why.

  1. Oftentimes men are so caught up in their immediate selves (for better or worse) any addition to the equation translates as chaos in a man’s mind which is why you’ll hear “…but I’m working on this and that” or “Not now.”
  2. There are some men who have endured physically and emotionally abusive relationships as children and whether they received therapy for this or not, they don’t trust their ability to not do the same thing to a child of their own.
  3. They were never “men” to begin with. A man by no means is some mythological archetype of human strength and perfection but rather someone who accepts accountability for their actions and owns up to them, no matter what. This isn’t the easiest thing to do and accountability isn’t really being taught too many places these days except for maybe inside the home. There are plenty examples of not being accountable everywhere in the media across all formats. This includes everything from sham celebrity weddings, music so disrespectful no “hot beat” in the world can overpower the words, to professional athletes getting slaps on the wrist for real crimes that would put the average person under the jail.
  4. A man might want to be a father but there’s a strong possibility he may not want a particular woman (the one he’s impregnated) to be the mother of his child. The relationship might not be the one for him. There might not be a relationship at all. He might resent the idea of having wasted his “seed” on this particular woman and now being stuck with her. The scenarios are countless but whatever the situation, both parties should have THOUGHT and taken the proper precautions before creating a lifelong experience. Please note I used the word “experience” and not “mistake.”
  5. It is not my goal to give away any trade secrets here, but a man might simply think he’s not good enough. When being responsible for another you naturally think you should be able to give that child your all, especially if you don’t think it happened in your life. If you’re struggling to do right by yourself it certainly can cause you to doubt your prospective parenting skills. As fathers don’t have the luxury of bonding physiologically with a child in the womb we don’t have the connection that moms do during pregnancy. He might convince himself he’ll bring his child more harm than good and decide his unborn little one is better off without him.

Two Sides To Every Coin

When a man is in the right mental and/or spiritual place with himself, his love for what is about to happen will overpower “the equation,” “the right time” or “what makes sense.” The real problem is that once a man decides against raising his child no matter what the circumstances he has traveled beyond the boundaries of what makes sense, is acting selfishly and has no idea the damage he will inflict upon his unborn child. In some rare cases it might not be any, but why take that risk?

None of what is mentioned above should ever be considered excuses, but they combine to form my short answer as to why some men abandon their children without going down the traditional and rather non-explanatory path of “Men are dogs.” Fear is the mind killer. If allowed it will keep you from experiencing one of the most amazing experiences a man can have — being a father. And here’s the thing about fear. We all have them. A man is no less a man for having fears. But what separates the men from the boys is that men ultimately face their fears head-on with courage, hope and faith. Fear isn’t 100% a bad thing. Fear of what went wrong in your life, fear of what you might not currently have, fear of what you don’t think you can do for a child has driven many men to go above and beyond to do in their child’s life that which was never done in their own — be present and be loving.

There are plenty of reasons for why some men abandon their children, but do they matter when compared to the pains of a fatherless child?


About the author

Named a Top 50 Dad Blogger in 2011 by Cision Media, Eric writes about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between at Makes Me Wanna Holler – Man, Dad, Husband.



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Comments (35)

  1. Niambi Monday - 26 / 12 / 2011 Reply
    I guess what I don't understand is for the men that left their children why they didn't "fear" when they were being sexual intimate, but now that a child is being born from their own loins they run away from responsibility and loving their children.  No emotional state or even the relationship with the mother of your child should keep you from being there for your child. If you have to go to court to see get visitation rights to see your child then by all means do it.  In my opinion, leaving your children is one of the most selfish acts a person could ever do.
    • Kate Mack Monday - 26 / 12 / 2011 Reply
      I think your post best illustrates the difference between men and women. Sex for men can be just that...sex. It does not mean that the person they are with is someone that they would want to raise a child with or even have a long term relationship. Sadly, having a baby with someone that you did not even want a relationship with is disastrous. Men and women must be responsible for their actions. We cannot rush into having a sexual relationship. If you decide to have sex prior to being in a committed relationship, use some form of birth control. There are so many options available that there should be NO unwanted pregnancies.
      • Btcatlanta Monday - 26 / 12 / 2011 Reply
        Unfortunately, even if birth control is used there will still be unwanted pregnancies because none of them are 100% effective in preventing pregnancies. I see WAY too many teen pregnancies even when birth control was used.  Many teens have been given a false sense of security for WAY too long because all they are being told is to "wrap it up".
        • Andre Spivey Tuesday - 27 / 12 / 2011 Reply
          Here's the illusion, teen pregnancies are at their lowest in over a decade, but out of wedlock pregnancies are not. Women, grown women, adults are having more casual sex and babies and deciding against marriage, that's not a male abandonment issue or female abandonment issue. It is an issue of adults being irresponsible and not being accountable.
  2. no name Monday - 26 / 12 / 2011 Reply
    Enters the devil's advocate. More often than not, women choose to have children by men they know to have commitment/stability/self-centered, etc issues. Most women will put on her big girl panties when she has a child because she has no choice. In their mind, the believe that the father will morph into this responsible being too. Too often that's not the case. If more women took the time to get to know the men they choose to procreate with, the abandonment issue may be greatly reduced.
    • Niambi Monday - 26 / 12 / 2011 Reply
      Here's the other side of what you are saying.  Most women choose to be with a man because they love him and she sees the man the he is and also the potential that he has and believes that he will be there for her.  The true test of whether he was who the woman actually thought he would be comes when there is adversity, hence when she gets pregnant.  Generally, for the men that walk away, the woman has no choice but to step up and take full responsibility because as the saying goes "mama's baby, papa maybe..."
    • sqs Monday - 26 / 12 / 2011 Reply
      I agree.  as women, we need to be honest with ourselves about the long-term effects of our decision to bring a child into this world.  Too many women are perfectly content to get pregnant by almost any man because they simply want to have a child.  That's selfish and not fair to the child, especially when there are plenty of already abandoned children ready for adoption.  It's one thing to raise a "fatherless" child because you adopted him/her; it's another to bring a child into the world not knowing or caring about your future relationship with the child's father. While I respect and understand where the article comes from, as women and mothers, it's our responsibility to get to know, screen, and separate the men from the boys before adding a child to the equation.
      • Niambi Tuesday - 27 / 12 / 2011 Reply
        I hear what you are saying.  And what about when you thought you had a MAN but he ends up being a boy because when adversity comes, which is the true test of someone's strength and character, he leaves the woman.  Once again i don't think most women said "i just want to be a baby mama".  These men left them and do not care about the mother's well being nor the welfare of the child.  It was a selfish act they did and no amount of excuses given could undo the damage of a man or any parent walking away from their children.
  3. Don Monday - 26 / 12 / 2011 Reply
    Excellent read.
  4. KT Monday - 26 / 12 / 2011 Reply
    Often men dont abandon their children. Its more common that the mother of the child abandons the father of the child. The father then is left with the untenable position of trying to be a parent a child, from accross town, or e/o weekend, etc.  Despite the media optimism, its all but impossible to be a father to your children you dont live with. Its tantamont to being an absentee landlord. I suspect men of all ages and backgrounds understand this. Our kids need to see dad shave, smelll him both firece and foul all hours of the day, observing his everymove on some level, from the spring to the return of spring. Anything less is but a mockery of fatherhood, and a reduction to "father" figure".   What mother would agree that its ideal and effective parenting being a mother e/o weekend? Or to simply being a" mother figure".  I think men deep down KNOW, that if they are not in the house with the child, rgardless of the hype, they are not really being a father.
    • Niambi Monday - 26 / 12 / 2011 Reply
      I somewhat disagree with your statement that often times men don't abandon their children.  Just look at the world today and in particular at the statistics of African American households where in 80% of our families women are the head of households because men choose to leave and not take care of their responsibilities.  In my opinion women do not just say i want to be the mother of his child and not get married.  They wanted to marry that man.  Then when you add in the men that jump from women to women without any concern about the implication of what this would do to the family structure let alone society, it's even worse.   Honestly, no woman wants to be a baby mama.  Generally this happens because the man leaves her and has cheated on the woman and got another woman pregnant or left the 1st mother and got another woman and had a baby with her or he got multiple woman pregnant.  Each woman probably thought that they were "the one" for that man and many times have no knowledge of his cheating or if when he decides to move on to another woman and gets her pregnant.  Often times the story goes as the 1st mother explains to her child, "lil david you are going to have another brother/sister soon."
  5. KG Monday - 26 / 12 / 2011 Reply
    As a woman married to a man who is doing everything he can within his financial, emotional and physical means to be in hus children's lives all to be halted by the "authority" of the mom to stop answering the phone, make him travel 7+ hours to get or spend time with his children only to be told "now is not a good time" or "you can only have them for 2 hours no matter how far you've traveled or what our original plan was" or to find out that the mother has moved to a different state ONLY after she has moved and the CHILD has called him informing him of said move...I find this article to be short-sighted and poorly "researched". This is an offense to men....and this opinion is coming from a woman. And I know the argument will be, well he should go to the courts and let them handle it....everyone does not have the money to run to the courts every time the mom wants to behave in a negative manner that negatively affects the father's relationship with the children or the relationship he is trying his hardest to have. It's a 2 way street and these short-sighted 5 reasons are laughable.
    • KT Monday - 26 / 12 / 2011 Reply
      KG This is may be hard for some to hear but not only is your companions story more common than it ought to be,  it cuts across racial social and economic lines. The family courtsare "anti-family" and "anti- father" and  have become an industry, living off of the backs of folks who are trying to do right. 10 years ago, I would like at the kids who went missing on milk cartons or Wal Mart with total ignorace to how "custody issues" may factor into the stories behind the photos.  
    • EPayne Tuesday - 27 / 12 / 2011 Reply
      Thanks for your comments. As a loving and committed father of two (one who was abandoned by his dad) and husband it was my desire to present a couple of different angles. Of course there are more than 5 reasons, and the term "reasons" ultimately isn't the appropriate word considering how many lives are thrown into disarray by the actions of one or two adults. But these are 5 reasons that are different than the standard answers and shouldn't be applied with broad strokes to all situations particularly your husband's experience as they clearly don't apply. So please don't be offended. The reasons can be endless and rest with both involved parties. But this is an article and not a book. So for the short term these dialogs are great for furthering the conversation with the hope that one of us or a collective of us will create some viable solutions to put an eventual end to this. Thanks again for your comments.
    • D_stewart1 Saturday - 31 / 12 / 2011 Reply
      I sooooo agree with you and KT. Sometimes men get tired of fighting. The women can be so bitter that they forget who is most important, the child. Some women even go so far as to try and turn the child away from their dad. If that child lives with the mom, that parent has more influence on them. Some women only look at the dad as a paycheck. Nothing more, nothing less. You can go back and forth to court and the women seem to still be able to do what they want and get away with it. Court costs are expensive for someone just not following rules. You can call the police, they can't enforce it even if you have the documents in hand. They say it is a court matter. However, let that dad be late with a drop off, or in any way stray from the paper. All heck will break lose. Let that parent miss a payment. He can face jail time for not paying for a kid he can't see. This article is one sided and I am a woman. As a mom, I would not want to be a every other weekend mom or rotating holidays mom. It pains me just to think of it. I know too many good man that get a bad rep at the cost of a trifling mom.
  6. guest Monday - 26 / 12 / 2011 Reply
    KT, I agree, that the father should be in the home. But if he abandons the family, to be with another, he can still own up to an equal share of the responsibility, with equal quality time and finance. Some mothers do not put a limit on the time or do e/o weekend. Unfortuantely, this often leads to fathers not choosing any schedule.
  7. Yana Monday - 26 / 12 / 2011 Reply
    I think number 4 is more common then most people think. I know I am in the minority with my views, but I personally don't think that laying down having sex and getting pregnant creates a contract between two people to raise a child together, especially when it happens outside of marriage. I think a contract is created between two people when BOTH people agree that a child is what they want. If two people are behaving irresponsibly by having unprotected sex and the woman happens to get pregnant then to me that is simply classified as an unplanned pregnancy, not an agreement to have a child together. With an unplanned pregnancy both parties have rights and I think that is what a lot of women tend to forget . Yes, ultimately the decision is the woman's, but that woman also has to realize that the choice she makes may come with repercussions. A lot of women want to cry victim, when they really have been bigger perpetrators in the messes they have created then they are willing to admit/ own up to. Getting pregnant by a man who already has multiple children by multiple women. Getting pregnant by a man who has never been able to hold down a job, a man who stays in and out of jail, a man who is married or is an otherwise committed relationship and my personal favorite, having a baby to hold on to him......the list of poor choice making really does go on. People are quick to tell a man to man up, but I know a lot of women who could stand to woman up as well and stop passing the blame.
  8. Ncatina6 Monday - 26 / 12 / 2011 Reply
     Naimbi - "Each woman probably thought that they were "the one" for that man and many times have no knowledge of his cheating or if when he decides to move on to another woman and gets her pregnant." - Sounds like a modern-day harem. Women need to be aware and stop allowing her emotions to dictate her toward these guys that aren't worth the ground they walk upon.
    • Niambi Tuesday - 27 / 12 / 2011 Reply
      No offense but you can label it anyway that you want.  I guess this has probably never happened to you and perhaps you may not know anyone who is dealing with this.  If you get a moment, take some time to listen to the stories about women who are raising children in single parent households.  It was never there intent to be left stranded to raise the children on their own.  I guarantee most if not all of these women desired to get married or atleast to raise their children with BOTH parents in there lives.  There are many that I know personally and in my surrounding communities I see them on a daily basis.  According to the statistics single black women raising their children represent over 80% of African American families.  Regardless of how we feel and our difference in opinions, those statistics are reality and are too stagering for us to ignore.
  9. Dee Dee Russell Monday - 26 / 12 / 2011 Reply
    My parents were married had SEVEN kids. After the divorce my father left. No contact. No child support. Also he used to beat her up, he drank and remarried another lady and appeared to forget all about HIS SEVEN KIDS. Contrary to the lies that some BM tel...l MOST BW want their kids to see their dads its the dads who check out. At 19 I went to therapy for the first time on my own to figure out why I was different than my siblings I never accepted being abandoned by my dad as normal, like the rest of my siblings did. I missed  him very much and it affected me deeply.  So I became a Stevie Wonder fan-gurl. Truly, Stevie Wonder and his music SAVED MY LIFE. I  chose to keep my virginity all through high school and married while in community college. The marriage failed we were much too young and wisely did not want kids! However, seeing what life was like being raised by a single mother- HARD no matter what BW say being a single mother IS HELL ON EARTH -I vowed not to have children because I never wanted to raise them without their dad. This is tough to say but right now it seems like the Black community is DOOMED unless the BLACK MEN get it together and LEAD GUIDE AND PROTECT THEIR KIDS. Look around at these kids!  Fathelessness is our RUIN. BM it is on YOU to make RIGHT for your kids...or stop having kids!!
  10. Lasonyawright Tuesday - 27 / 12 / 2011 Reply
    The actual title of this article should be 5 Excuses For Men Abandoning Their Children
    • Niambi Tuesday - 27 / 12 / 2011 Reply
      Good one. My thoughts exactly! lol
    • EPayne Tuesday - 27 / 12 / 2011 Reply
      The word "excuse" means to legitimize or to use reasons to lessen the blame. There is no "excuse" for men abandoning their children, or any parent for that matter.
      • Niambi Tuesday - 27 / 12 / 2011 Reply
        With all due respect sir, it is mind boggling to me how men are able to have "reasons" for why they abandon their children.  Women on the hand are not able to have a "reason" to just abandon their child and 9 out of 10 times they won't leave their child.  They have no choice but to step up and be both mother AND father.  Hence the overwhelming statistics of black families today being headed by single black women.  It would be great if someone could write an article about the top 5 "reasons" the majority of black households are run by single black women.  Perhaps then we may be able to find a viable solution on how to solve or minimize this epidemic. 
        • KT Tuesday - 27 / 12 / 2011 Reply
          Niambi,  Thanks for the dialog.  Women are able to abandon their kids.It just looks different.  They do it every day.  Its generlly done in clinics and by appoinntment. If this is not abandonment, then I have misunderstood its core meanng.  This avenue is simply, thankfully, unavailable to to their male counterpart. Please, I invite you, as one who I am certaion, cares deeply about our community,  to step back, and look at the bigger picture. 70% of all divorces filed in the U.S are initiated by and filed by- WOMEN. This means that woman largely control which children will be brought up with two parent household and whicg will not.  The children who are not are most likely to soon become those whose fathers will likey neglect or "abaondon" them.  Before we run off and say well, the men must have deserved it- thats not what the stats say either. Those woman  who are filing for divorce, 70 % are saying its NOT because he is beating, cheating, or chucking off the money. They cite "unhappiness"," unfullfilment", aind "unreconcilable differences".  These stats hold truest in states where divorce grants default custody to the children.  This stats dont stand where custody is not defaulted to the mom.  Meaning = in states where custody is not assumed to go to mom, women are far less likely to file for divorce, leading to single houeshold parenting which too often is the precursor to abandoned kids. As for our youger 18 -24/25 crowd, which happend to be the majority of all our children born PERIOD, and thank God for it, the fathers have not abandoned them. As abandoned assumes a relationship that is was once there and then severed. Thats not the case here. Many of these young men have never known or had a relationship with there children. They were "donors" to willing recipients who really assumed that thats the way it would be anyway.  I find, as a man who counsels many, that many find no use for men, beyond the "donation" and NEVER expect a relationship. Sadly this mentatlity from both the men and the women assumes, and actually believes the "father" is really not that necessary. Surley my opinion differs from your own, but I am sure both, and more, ought to be considered as we try to bring about some healing in our community. Me: married, and the father of 5., raised w/o the benefit  my own  father.
          • Niambi Wednesday - 28 / 12 / 2011
            KT, thanks for your response.  Honestly, women in general don't just initiate divorces without their being a solid reason.  Generally something must have been seriously wrong in that situation.  It was probably because the husband was cheating or abusive.  A woman would also leave if she felt that his presence presented a potential or real harm to her and her children.   Most women appreciate a husband who is a good man and one that is a provider and a good father to their children and would not just divorce them.  Again, i would refer to the reasons as to why the majority of those women felt the need to divorce their husbands.  Thanks again for the dialog and take care. 
          • Niambi Wednesday - 28 / 12 / 2011
            KT, I apologize for being so intense on this subject matter but I was one of the children that was hurt by this very thing and had to deal with the effects of my father abandoning me and my siblings since were little children. 
        • EPayne Tuesday - 27 / 12 / 2011 Reply
          I've written for this site for nearly 3 years and never once engaged in the men vs. women dialog and I won't do so here because it goes against the very purpose of this site. That was not the purpose of this article and I hope you didn't take it as such. I believe you and I are in agreement. Please don't be mind boggled, it's human, not male nature to come up with reasons to justify one's behavior. It's how each and every one of us lives our lives everyday. I'm sorry if you believe I'm defending men who hold this position because I am not and I believe I was crystal clear at the conclusion of the article which was about men in general and not just black men. But please don't believe that all women feel as you say just because they are carrying the child. A non-profit where I worked for a number of years addressed the same question but posed it to the teen moms we worked with who were considering doing the same. And although less likely than men I think 9 times out of 10 statistic you posed doesn't accurately account for the women who actually do and the overwhelming number of children who are in foster care and looking to be adopted. And as far as the literature about why single households exists as they do please visit fatherhood.org and there you will see how glaring the stats are for every demographic of American society. Sadly African Americans are leading the stats in this category. My reason for writing this article was not to defend men who do this in any way but rather to shed some light on the thought process...and maybe through understanding (though this is lofty thinking) maybe we can reach a point where we can start overcoming the obstacles and producing some results or at least determining the predictors beforehand versus just pointing fingers or asking "why men" and not women which is the same as asking "Why" anything. It's human nature to give reasons and excuses, not male nature and especially not specifically black male nature. Just so you and the rest of our readers know as I stated in the article, the question was posed to me by someone seeking answers from a number of different people. It wasn't asked about black males specifically and the answers which I selected for this article were a part of a larger discussion which neither excused nor defended the outcomes (abandonment) but did shed some light on the thought process in an effort to overcome it. Thanks for your comment. And please, calling me sir makes me a lot older than I actually am. Be well.
          • Niambi Wednesday - 28 / 12 / 2011
            Hello Eric.  I apologize if you took my response as a "men vs. women" dialog.  That wasn't my intent.  I simply wrote my opinion and responses as did other persons in this blog. I stand firm on my initial post which stated that any parent (whether it's a man or woman) that abandon's their child is commiting a selfish act.  If the person is willing to take the risk of enjoying a moment of pleasure and then runs away when the woman when she gets pregnant is irresponsible and their actions not only affect their child but society as a whole.  I come from a single parent household and I had to watch my mother struggle to raise 4 children on her own.  My father abandoned all of us.  Not long after he left I remember times when my father would call and say he is coming over to take us to the park and he never showed up.  Our hearts were crushed because we believed in our father and when he didn't show up I began to question whether or not he actually loved us.  The truth is, our father didn't love us enough to want to stay in our lives.  He stopped contacting us.  I vowed in my heart that I would never disappoint a child and would be a better parent because of this.  I apologize for being so intense on this subject matter but I was one of the children that was hurt by this and had to deal with the effects of a father abandoning his child.
  11. sunshine70 Tuesday - 27 / 12 / 2011 Reply
    What is the opinon of the abandonment when the couple is married and the father leaves . . . no forwarding address.  The wife is without her husband and the child without their father. 
  12. EPayne Tuesday - 27 / 12 / 2011 Reply
    The word "excuse" means to legitimize or to use reasons to lessen the blame. There is no "excuse" for men abandoning their children, or any parent for that matter.
  13. Guest Wednesday - 04 / 01 / 2012 Reply
    I am experiencing this now. Our first child together was not planned, but we made the best of it. I didn;t worry because my husband said he was going to ask me for a chils anyway. Well when this child was 4 my husband wuit paying the house note and complained that he was always broke. The house was foreclosed upon and he moved in with his parents and I moved back in with my parents. The whole entier time before the foreclosure happened he kept telling me how me and the kids could not move in with them because his parents didn't want us there. Well after about a month of not speaking he finally called and wanted to work things out. He also begin to ask me to have another child. Stupi me got preggers again. This child was 2 and he left in may 2011. I found out that his ex wife was coming into town to stay for a month. I also found out that the previous time his ex wife had came and stayed for a month. At this time he said it was his son from this previous marriage that didn't want me and the kids there and so we should live apart until he graduates. He is set to finish school in may 2013. I was going to put him on child supprt but he used his charms and like a fool I fell for them, and he asked me to drop the child support case, and so I did. I have had enough. I told him I wanted a divorce and so he has begun the process of putting me down to everyone. Now also before he moved out I caought him telling his ex wife that he was still in love with her and that he was going to leave me. As I look abck over the years I don;t think he got over his ex wife. I think he married me for sex and just to no be alone, but his heart belonged to her the whole time. If a man can leave his wife and kids then he is not a man. Everytime I have a child for him he leaves. And then before he moved out he was asking me to get pregnant again. I think he wants his cake and eat it too. I am in school and working parttime trying to keep my family going, or wgats left of it. I refuse to go back to him just for him to find another reason to leave.
  14. Larryandmonica Wednesday - 15 / 02 / 2012 Reply
    I agree with "the devil's advocate". Some men are just stupid and naive. And some women are clever. I have been on both sides of the fence. I got pregnant by a guy, not caring whether he wanted a baby or not, only because I WANTED a baby... and 15 years later, it got done to me, the husband I had got a woman pregnant that he didn't want, nor the woman, nor the child. When I got pregnant, I raised the kid on my own, I know, selfish to have a kid like that but I so wanted a kid and I didn't care who with. And this woman did the same to my stupid, cheating, husband. 
  15. Jessica Monday - 16 / 04 / 2012 Reply
    My ex has never seen our son. Our son is now 18 and he wants to, not see his son and start a relationship with him or apologize to him, but rather to provide him with "his side of the story". To me this reeks of excuses. THERE ARE NO EXCUSES HERE FOLKS !!!!
  16. Shan Friday - 27 / 04 / 2012 Reply
    The pain is unbearable and the continuous damage done to an already shaky self esteem can easily turn fatal. The lack of remorse on her part boggles my mind. What confuses me even more is why I'm still here. Co dependency is no joke. My mind goes back to all those moments in my childhood that could have possibly molded me into this doormat of a person. Lately i feel as though im the one who is crazy. I just wish I had enough faith in God and myself to let go for good. If one doesn't know how to love himself how can we expect someone else to do it. Knowing that love and healing starts from within isn't good enough. We have to believe it and strive to live in that mindset. Until then we are left at the mercy of every ruthless person who discovers our weakness.

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