Can You Imagine 69 Years Of Marriage?

Marriage

by Tiya Cunningham-Sumter | on December 27th, 2011 | 8 comments

Unfortunately, this week, my mom and I had to attend the funeral of a dear friend’s grandfather. As the family shared stories of their 93-year-old loved one, I was most moved by all that was revealed regarding his roles as father, grandfather and husband.

The discipline and lessons learned all demonstrated what a great parent he had been and a tremendous impact made on the children’s lives. But his commitment to 69 years of marriage left the most lasting impression on me. Observing the widow left behind, brought tears to my eyes. But knowing my friend and her family there is no doubt grandmother will be well taken care of.

As I focused on the pain she must be feeling of losing her love, I also try to imagine 69 years of marriage. The idea simply encourages me. I asked my mom after the service could she imagine being married for 69 years. Her response mirrored mine. Although she is a newlywed (recently remarried) she admitted to the need of pacing herself, as she said “Let me make it through 6 years and then 9 years and we’ll see.” I chuckled, but it made sense.

My husband and I are only 13 years in, and so far so great. I honestly admit we are becoming more improved with time. Our relationship is getting stronger because we both continue to mature and learn one another. We recognize what pisses the other off and because of that maturity we avoid those actions. And it works! God willing, I am confident that my marriage will go the distance.

Achieving 69 years of marriage is no easy feat. I consider all the trials and tribulations a couple must overcome during that time. As I have witnessed in our 13 years, it’s not always easy. The resilience one must have is amazing. In this particular marriage, they had to survive the death of a child and several health challenges. But it reveals a lot about a couple who can weather any storm and make it through to the other side. Having a marriage that strong is my ultimate goal. Sixty-nine years of marriage requires the ultimate commitment, sacrifice, compromise, communication, faith and most importantly unconditional love.

Another highlight for me during the service is when the wife mentioned (in the obituary) that it was 69 years and 5 months. After all that time together she remembered exactly how long she had been married to her love. It touched my heart and inspired me as well.

While, I know the widow is heartbroken now, I hope she can take comfort in the fact that together her and her husband achieved something monumental. Not only did they impact their children and grandchildren, but also those of us who were in attendance. I learned that love, family and faith are the fundamental ingredients for marriage success.

BMWK, what do you feel is needed to achieve 69 years of marriage?

About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Founder of Life Editing. Tiya was featured in Ebony Magazine in the October 2008 and November 2010 issues. Tiya recently created and launched (Tuesdays with Tiya) Life Editing Radio show on blogtalkradio.com. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two children.

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Comments (8)

Niambi Tuesday - 27 / 12 / 2011 Reply

Beautiful!!!
La'Joya Browneyez Tuesday - 27 / 12 / 2011 Reply

Completely beautiful, Im about to hit 5 yrs of marriage in Feb and wow 69 yrs?! thats a beautiful number. The first 5 are very crucial, the test and trials, wanting to knock someone out every now and then, but those are also the times you are learning more about eachother everyday. Communication, trust, honesty, loyalty, faithfulness, unconditional love and affection is very much needed. My husband and I started back dating eachother, it brings the fun and spice into the relationship, going back to how we first fell in love, 5 yrs might be small right now but I sooooooo look forward to hitting 10yrs, 20, 50 and 69 with that man. :-) i loved this article!
Popi Wednesday - 28 / 12 / 2011 Reply

Both having a commitment to God first, each other second. Other Godly people in their lives helping them and lots and lots of prayer!
Alison Crockett Wednesday - 28 / 12 / 2011 Reply

Marriage is a tough one. But I continue to work on it. Will I make this number, don't know, but it's good to know that someone did.
Marilyn Thursday - 29 / 12 / 2011 Reply

You back in the day, people got married and never got a divorce no matter. I think you really have to speak to the wife to see what was really happening, not what people saw on the outside. I thinking about my in-laws who were married for 50 years. On the surface everything looked fine. It wasn't until my husband, children and I had to move in their place while we were in house transition, that I realized something was terribly wrong. They never communicated anytime during the day. It was the dad who completely dominated the relationship. They had 8 kids, that the wife pushed out, but I don't think he ever appreciated that. Because he use to refer to another woman a his heart and soul. When I told my husband why don't he and the other siblings say something to him, they just said that's just how he is. They were enabling him to continue this bad behavior. Low and below 17 years later, my husband treats me like his dad treated his mom very badly. On the outside people think everything is okay. But you know its never good to stay quiet, its not good for your health and well being. Unlike his mother who suffered in silence, I talk to mature adults who i think can help. Maybe one day we will be able to break the cycle. I don't feel embarrass or shy about our problems. I feel most couples make it worse by hiding it. So I'll take being married for 2 days s with communication them 30, 45, 50, 69 years of deceit.
- Jacqueline Smith Lewis Saturday - 31 / 12 / 2011 Reply
  
  This is wonderful Marilyn. Sometimes truth and not living in denial, is our only hope.
Melissa Diane Hudson Friday - 30 / 12 / 2011 Reply

I am a young widow with a 20 month old son who recently lost my husband of six years in a tragic car accident on New Year's Eve in 2010. Yes, I could have seen myself being married for 69 years because my late husband and I had a relationship with God and we believed in prayer and trusting in the Lord. We both had our problems, but it was nothing never too hard for God to fix. In order to have a Godly marriage led by God, couples have to be willing to take the good as well as the bad and many people are bailing out of marriage when the bad strikes. True, there is no perfect marriage without flaws: we all have baggage. But with God in the mist of things, you both can overcome anything that the devil throws in your pathway. First of all, the reason why a great number of marriages are not progressing beyond 20 or more years because they are not allowing God to send their mates. They are unequally yolk and "hooking up" with people God had no intentions on putting together. They are choosing mates unwisely: choosing by the world's standards instead of God's standards. Anything that does not begin with God will end in failure. That is why my new Christian relationship book entitled, "THE FEMALE FOOL: 10 Reasons Why You Aren't Attracting a Good Christian Man", was written to educate females on how to attract a Godly man led by God, and to stop allowing deadbeat men to walk on them like dirty rugs. Marriage can last a lifetime, but you have to be with the right mate and God has to play a major role. My marriage was short lived, but I honored my marriage vows through faithfulness, sickness, health and it was death that did us part not a divorce.
Joewana Freeman Saturday - 31 / 12 / 2011 Reply

What a beautiful article, although I am still single, I look forward to spend the rest of my life with my future husbands. This past Tuesday some of my family members and I traveled to NYC to spend time with my great Aunt and Uncle who celebrated 53 years of marriage on Christmas Day. It was so beautiful to see how they dotted on each other make sure they took their meds and ate the correct foods. It was priceless, they have been married longer than I have been alive and he still gets the car door, when they are out of the home he protects her & all of us. She still waits on him and handles the affairs of the home. They are the best, I will pray God’s peace and comfort for the widow.