Learning How To Date Again

When my husband and I first started dating, it was epic. He would go clean out his car before he came to pick me up and I could smell that he had vacuumed the interior. I would spritz my perfume in three special places, slip into my favorite sky-high pumps, and prepare to have a ball. And while we never did anything too fancy, it was awesome just to be with him, giggling about whatever, and enjoying the smell of his cologne.

Now when we go out, like most parents, we struggle to move the conversation away from what latest antics our little ones are up to and since our budget is limited, we’re usually just at Olive Garden or some comparable restaurant. So I implemented a new “rule” when we go out: 75% of our conversation has to be non-kid related.

Well, this past weekend my parents decided to watch the kids Saturday night for us. I had been in high-stress mode all week as I was finishing up the semester so a date night sans kids sounded pretty good.

“So what do you want to do?” my hubby asked as he leaned against my shoulder.

“I don’t know,” I replied. “Anything sounds good.”

“How about we get some takeout and rent some movies?”

“I like that.”

So off we went. We stopped at the dollar store first to get some stocking stuffers for the kids and then got some Chinese food (which I love, love, love!). We rented 30 Minutes or Less (really funny the last 30 minutes or so) and Captain America (eye candy for the ladies, action for the fellas). Afterward we just laid on the floor, laughing and cracking jokes.

It was fun. It felt like how we used to act on dates back before the kids were born. I was just…me. I wasn’t worried about the bills or my career or whether I needed to go grocery shopping or anything. It was a really nice date that I really, really needed.

I realized part of the problem was that I’m always so preoccupied with everything else that’s going on—upcoming doctor’s appointments for the kids, what’s for dinner on Tuesday, who’s going to remember to sign our daughter’s school forms—that romance is really impossible. I learned that I must compartmentalize—focus on one thing at a time and really try my best to give my husband my undivided attention.

For those of you who are married (or dating with kids), is it hard to focus on romance when you’ve got a million things to do?

About the author

Tara Pringle Jefferson is managing editor of BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com. She’s also the author of Make It Happen: The Young Mommy Guide To Creating The Career You Crave. Follow her on Twitter or check out her blog for her insights on what it means to be a mom, wife, student, writer, and about three other labels she’s too tired to remember.

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