A Healthy Marriage Competition: “Out Love” Your Spouse

A comment from a recent post “Certain Risks Are Necessary for Marriage Growth” from reader Peejay inspired this post. In her comment she shared how she makes her husband a priority and strives to “out love” him. I immediately experienced an “aha” moment upon reading her words. In my opinion that phrase summed up the very essence of marriage. That thought is the very idea needed in every committed relationship. Can you imagine the state of our unions today if every couple pursued this goal? How much better off our marriages would be? I frequently mention the importance of putting our spouses first, but if the objective is to “out love” them that takes it the necessary step further.

Although my husband and I have never personally verbalized it, I have come to the conclusion this is my husband’s goal. He consistently tries to show me up in demonstrating his love and thoughtfulness. He makes sure to provide for my needs and my wants. For example, he recently planned the most romantic date weekend for us that simply covered all the things I enjoy. Because he knows me, he knows when a date night/weekend is needed. It is usually planned immediately following one of those weeks he notices I feel the most stressed. He usually goes all out to make me feel appreciated. So now my personal challenge to “out love” him has begun. The great thing about this challenge is my husband doesn’t even have to know it’s a competition.

If you plan to join me with this challenge, here are some ideas to help you win!

We can out love our partners by being in tune with their likes, dislikes, desires and needs. This takes place as a result of listening and paying attention. Notice all the little things they like and comment on and keep a record of it. For example, I am a catalogue shopper which means I go through my catalogues and circle all the things I plan on purchasing. Well, my husband found one of those catalogues and purchased a couple of items I had circled as a surprise for me. I was blown away. It’s the little thoughtful things like that, that can sometimes make the largest impact. So every now and then surprise your spouse with something you know they’ve been wanting.

Another great way to “out love” your spouse is by getting creative. Yes, think outside of the box and keep a level of excitement present in your relationship. Think about what new ways you can express love to your partner. Is it writing love letters or poems or is it trying new things you haven’t done before that you know your mate would enjoy? Think strategy as you are aiming to win this challenge.

And last but not least, putting “self” to the side will ultimately send you home with the grand prize. Making your spouse #1 will seal the deal. If their well-being is always at the forefront of our mind, it reduces the amount of hurt we would cause our spouse. We must suppress our own selfish desires and consider those of our mate. Consistently allowing their needs to come before our own is a challenge for some, but is a surefire way to “out love” our spouse.

Now you may be thinking “good idea, but what is the prize I’ll receive for winning this challenge.” There isn’t a trophy to take home, but the ultimate reward is a beautiful marriage that brings joy, peace and prayerfully longevity.

BMWK, will you join me on this challenge to “out love” your spouse?

About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Founder of Life Editing. Tiya was featured in Ebony Magazine in the October 2008 and November 2010 issues. Tiya recently created and launched (Tuesdays with Tiya) Life Editing Radio show on blogtalkradio.com. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two children.

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