20 Questions To Ask A Potential Spouse

BY: - 5 Apr '12 | Best of BMWK

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Now that I have a daughter, I can see myself questioning her male friends when they come to the house to date her. When I was a teenager, I didn’t like it when my dad and brothers did it, and I am sure my daughter will be embarrassed when her father and I subject her dates to similar scrutiny. But 20 questions shouldn’t end once she matures into adulthood and can date whomever she chooses. As my single friends testify, “You have to be careful these days because there is so much stuff going around.” And this isn’t just from a woman’s perspective. Men need to be careful too. Asking 20 questions doesn’t sound so weird or embarrassing when your health, sanity, and livelihood are at stake.

So, here are 20 questions to ask a potential spouse. These are just suggestions, and by no means should all of them be asked on a first date. If a question doesn’t feel right to you, then don’t ask it. Or, just replace it with one that is not on the list. The point is to get singles who desire to be married to think carefully about what’s important to them and then to have open communication about these issues before marriage. There are plenty of married and divorced people who wish they had asked the tough questions before saying “I do.”


20 Questions

1. Do you have any life-threatening or incurable diseases?

2. Do you have any children? If so, how integral are they in your life?

3. What are your short term and long term goals?

4. What does financial stability mean to you?

5. What is your relationship like with your parents?

6. How often do you go to church, pray, read your Bible?

7. What gives you joy in life?

8. Do you have a criminal history or record?

9. Do you date men or women exclusively?

10. How many sexual partners have you had?

About the author

Dr. Michelle Johnson wrote 75 articles on this blog.

Dr. Michelle Johnson is the founder of Alabaster Woman Ministries, an online international women's ministry. She is a wife, mother, writer, speaker, teacher. Through her daily blog, online radio show, and video Bible studies, Dr. Michelle encourages women and married couples to make God the center of their lives.

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44 WordPress comments on “20 Questions To Ask A Potential Spouse

  1. Rashida

    What kind of relationship u have with God?   It is sometimes when things are going good or bad, or is it all the time like he is sitting right next to you, or never?

    How do you feel about waiting to have sex after marriage?

    how do you feel about not moving in until marriage?

    Reply
    1. Anonymous

      If you can talk to the person they were involved with before you would give some insight to some important issues as well.

      Reply
  2. Tessaberry

    These questions r great but meaningless if the answerer is dishonest outright or dishonest simply Bc they don’t know who they really are.

    Reply
  3. nic

    @tessaberry while it’s true that people can lie about the answers, it can’t hurt to ask. I always tell my younger relatives to make a note of important information about potential mates. Then, periodically refer to it to
    see if what they say matches their behavior. I know it seems strange but I keep a journal about myself and review it to give myself a reality check. Why would i do less for a potential mate?

    Also, i find that liars often out themselves.

    Reply
  4. Kendra Armstrong

    Are you saved/a christian? Can you define your meaning of Salvation?
    Is so many people dont understand the meaning. Also, its so many being taught that being saved is just water baptism. Thats what I hear alot from guys that ask me out. And…. Thats not what that means. So.. Just be sure your on the same page spiritual.

    Reply
  5. Rickey E. Macklin

    Great Questions and Additions :-) I’ll have to incorporate some of these in my Courtship Class!

    Reply
  6. Ef

    These are great questions! A person’s response to some of these could give you clues to their character. When I met a man that I thought I would marry a few years ago, I asked a few questions as well (see below). In addition to the tough questions, I think that it’s equally as important to ask some of the questions that emerge naturally. Staying curious about the person you are dating will help you to learn more about them and cause you to probe even when they respond to your questions so you can really get to know them.

    Potential Questions:

    – What are your priorities right now and how might they impact our relationship?
    -How do you measure success?
    -How have your past relationships, books, experiences etc informed your perspective on relationships and marriage?

    Reply
  7. DONNA LYNN

    WHAT ABOUT… DOES HE TAKE CARE OF HIS FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITIES,
    HOW MUCH DOES HE WATCH T.V. AND WHAT DOES HE WATCH, DOES HE LIKE TO GO CAMPING, DANCING, DINER, FISHING, TENNIS, ETC. OR IS HE A COUCH POTATO. REAL QUESTIONS! IS HE FRIENDLY AND SOCIAL..HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS PARENTS….DOES HE HAVE A.D.D.A, AND ON MEDS,
    IS HE SEEM NARCISSTIC OR DEPRESSED. ASK HARD FOUNDATION QUESTION FOR ANY POSSIBLITY TO BE WITH THIS MAN. ALSO, ANY MAJER HEALTH ISSUES.

    Reply
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  9. Superwife

    The questions are all good – but they don’t mean anything at all when it comes to being married. A person’s answers can be made up, embellished, what they hope to achieve, etc. Reading a bible and not obeying it means pain and sorrow for the spouse (how many cheating pastors are there?). You can have money today – get fired or sick and be broke tomorrow. Yes – asking the questions has one good benefit – it will keep you talking and hopefully learning about the other person…but you can’t tell me that a positive answer to each question means that the relationship or marriage will be a positive experience. There is no cause and effect connection here. And quite frankly – thinking there is is how many people end up making an error. Character, integrity, ethics and morals as demonstrated by lifestyle choices and actual behaviors are better indicators of possible compatibility.

    Reply
  10. Nathan

    yes, the person can make up answers, but as the relationship progresses, their lifestyle will reveal the true person, so keep your eyes open. Another question I found I have to ask is “how close are you to your male friends?” One girl I dated spent more time with her male “friend” than she did me. Found out later, I was the side dude……

    Reply
  11. Anonymous

    Be careful, these questions may cause a person to lie as some truths are hard to share. Some of these questions van be answered with a range, and where they are now is more important than their past!what did the past teach you.

    Reply
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