I appreciate the quality time that Lamar and I spend together. We both work from home, we take care of the kids together each day, and we travel together, a lot. But every now and then, we have to do something to recharge our marriage and to break the monotony of the every day routine.
Even our monthly date night can get a little predictable. We get in the car, we drive to the movies…sometimes we grab a bite to eat before the movie. We watch the movie. One of us or both of us will fall asleep during the movie because we are so tired. We get in the car and we go home. Date night….you call that a date night!!
So every now and then we have to mix things up..so we can keep things fresh!!
I recently read this article the other day that gave 4 ways on How to Add Extra Flavor to Your Marriage over at theMarriageCounselingBlog.com.
#1 ““ “Don’t just focus on how to keep from irritating your spouse, focus on how to excite your spouse. It’s natural to not want to annoy your spouse but if all you focus on is not stepping on their toes then you “˜re losing focus on more fun things like thinking of ways to excite or surprise your spouse.”
#2 ““ “Add variety“.... Humans are creatures of habit. After years of marriage you probably have a favorite TV show you watch together, a favorite restaurant you both like going to, a usual night of the week you go out on and a regular babysitter who you call. But in all this routine, you lose a lot of flavor your relationship.”
#3 ““ “Spice up the bedroom. “... Breaking habits in the bedroom and trying new things creates spontaneity, allows you and your spouse to connect in new ways and forces you to communicate about an area of your relationship that creates passion and bonding.”
#4 – “Talk about each others’ emotional needs“..... open up to each other and talk about whether you feel important enough or safe enough, etc., that creates a new flavor in your relationship that creates connection vibrancy.”
For more information on those tips, check out TheMarriageCounselingblog.com. And here are a few more of my own that we use to keep the flavor in your marriage:
#5 – Work on a project together. It could be starting a business together (like we have done,) or painting the garage, or losing weight, or training to run a marathon. Whatever the activity, you will enjoy the time spent together on your endeavor and working together on a common goal will strengthen your bond.
“There is nothing more fulfilling than accomplishing a goal with your spouse.”
#6 – Go on an extreme date. Let’s face it, even the monthly or weekly date night can get a little boring if you let it. So do something to mix it up. Go bungee jumping, sky diving, white water rafting, or rock climbing. If you are not into that kind of activity, then get a hotel room in town and spend the night out, have a picnic, go to an amusement park without the kids.
“Do something different that requires you to get your blood flowing.”
#7 – Do something that has marriage in it’s name, like: go on a marriage retreat, read a book on marriage, attend a marriage ministry, take a marriage education course, or talk to a marriage coach or counselor. Any of those activities will help to strengthen your bond and improve your marriage.
#8 – Hang out with other positive married couples. Lamar and I totally enjoy hanging out with other married couples (that are also working to have a healthy marriage.) We love the friendship. We love having other couples that can encourage us, that can discuss marriage and relationships with us, and to help keep us accountable for doing the right things in our marriages.
#9 – The next time you have an argument, do something kind for your spouse! In the book, Renovating Your Marriage Room by Room, author Dr. Johnny C. Parker, Jr. says that:
“The act of love is a decision you make based on faith. In other words, you must decide to love your spouse even when the feelings are not there. As a result, loving feelings often following loving actions.”
How shocked will your spouse be to get a hug and a kiss instead of eyes rolling at him/her and the cold shoulder?
#10 - Surprise your spouse by doing something that he/she has been asking you to do for a very long time. Can you imagine how surprised your spouse will be to see you ______? You fill in the blank. For me, it’s wearing this “skanky” purple nighty…complete with purple thigh high panty hose that connect to some kind of belt thingy…… Someone gave it to me during my bridal shower. And Lamar asks me to put it on every other night. And I am like, I don’t want to put that thing on with all of the fish hooks and that itchy lace and those panty hose. It will take almost an hour to get it on…just for you to take it off in 5 minutes. We have been traveling a lot lately….so imagine his surprise when I break out that set on one of our trips!! (Although he will probably fall asleep while I am in the bathroom trying to get that thing on!!)
The one thing I love about our BMWK family and the people that I meet on tour, is that there are so many people out there doing whatever it takes to keep their marriages healthy. So please help us add to this list. What do you do to add the flavor to your relationship?