Recently I was listening to Anthony Hamilton’s latest single, “Pray for Me”. In this song he takes full ownership of the mistakes he made that cost him his relationship. The lyrics are powerful, but I am an Anthony Hamilton fan, so I may be a little biased. But there is a piece of this song that really challenged my thoughts on change. Anthony asks God to bring his woman back to him. He also talks about what he would do if he was given the opportunity to love her again.
His change, he belted out, would consist of being the man she needed, going to church every Sunday and praying every Monday to name a few. I recognize this is just a song, but art imitates life, right? There are many people who, after they lose a relationship, are then ready to make all the improvements their partner previously requested. They want to change in order to restore their love or make someone else happy. I know for many of us if given a second chance and knowing what we know now we would gladly make the necessary adjustments to save a valued relationship. But what many of us don’t realize is there are valid reasons we aren’t willing to make certain changes, even if it means saving our relationship.
Change can be uncomfortable as well as scary. We don’t quite know what will come as a result. If change occurs because of another person and it really isn’t one we were willing to make or completely understand, it won’t last. We will find ourselves right back at the starting line. Our spouses may be expecting us to change because they have explained to us the challenges that come along with certain behaviors we have. But what happens when we don’t see them as challenges? It makes it even harder. If we are asked to replace certain actions, we must have a clear understanding of why our spouse is seeking this change in us. Is it simply to satisfy their own needs or does it speak to the overall condition of the marriage? As a couple, we have to have common goals. If both partners agreed on the priorities of the marriage, the changes that need to be made are a given and both people should be clear.
Change has greater meaning when we do it because we see the value and it aligns with our personal and relationship goals. We must be tied to the results and have a strong desire to see those results come to fruition. Someone else wanting that for us isn’t enough.
We must be connected to the change. It helps when we believe our marriage will improve as well as our personal development.
Knowing the purpose is helpful as well. Through prayer and obedience we can be honest regarding the areas God wants us to improve. If God reveals it to us, there is no questioning.
There are great benefits that come along with life alterations. But before we experience those benefits, we have to completely understand why and have our own personal desires in making those changes.