VIDEO: Miss Too Independent - You May Not Be Wife Material | Black and Married With Kids.com

Cathie Tuesday - 05 / 06 / 2012 Reply

Really???? Woman are damned if we do and damned if we don't.... If you have a education and able to support yourself than I don't think that all of a "sudden" make you unloving and unwifely material! Men today aren't looking for a woman they have to clothe, feed and keep in the same manner as they do a child! #tiredofmakingitallthewomansfault

Cordele Tuesday - 05 / 06 / 2012 Reply

But can you cook? Can you clean? Do you have any emotional intelligence. The only thing education does is qualifies you for your job in the workplace. However, having emotional intelligence, love, cooking, managing the home, and making your presence a place a man wants to lay his head in... now that qualifies you for wife material.
- Kelly Tuesday - 05 / 06 / 2012 Reply
  
  These are peculiar questions. We singles eat, we clean up after ourselves, we have other meaningful relationships that would require emotional intelligence, love, etc. We manage our homes (my bills come every month, the clothes get dirty, I sleep in my bed and have to make it up, etc.) and I think I'm a pretty good woman. People like being around me (and I know some spouses that can't say that). Successful living doesn't begin when you get married. Singleness is not a proving ground for marriage.
Cree Tuesday - 05 / 06 / 2012 Reply

Cathie, I understand your comment. I just think that this book is geared toward women who herald the personality type of "Independent Women" as a defense mechanism. They think that's all they are! I don't believe everyone views Independent Women in a good light-for some, the image is stigmatized by emotional unavailability, pride, and a demanding personality among other undesirable traits. You don't need to announce what you've bought yourself, or what you've accomplished. It makes you no less independent if you don't let these things define you. I think no matter who you are-Independent Woman, Barefoot Wife in the Kitchen, any other character you can name-you can be upgraded by being a committed, faithful, loving partner. I myself am married. Since being married, I have learned so much about how identifying solely with your exterior "personality" can deplete your relationships. If you are an independent woman, Cathie, don't take offense to this woman's message. It's for you! See if you can learn something from her, and still be your wonderful, independent self. It seems to be about not letting this idea of being independent block the other sides of you-loving, caring, supportive, and in need of love from others.

Tee Tuesday - 05 / 06 / 2012 Reply

So funny but I have been thinking about this in my own life. I am that overly independent woman and now that I'm engaged to be married I'm noticing that it is hard for me to allow my fiancÃ© to come in and support and for me to support him(not talking finacially here). As women we have taken on many roles to fill in the gap for many different reasons and when we get to the point of not having to fill in the gap it is hard for us to let go and allow our mate to take on some of the load.

eve Wednesday - 06 / 06 / 2012 Reply

Hey Tee. Thanks for your honesty. It's the recognition of ways that you and your spouse can personally grow, instead of being stubborn and easily offended like many of us are tempted to be, that will make your marriage successful. I'm excited that you seem to come from a place of love and building family instead of allowing personal insecurities or bitterness to guide you. I truly wish you the best and encourage you to continue to balance honoring who God designed you to be with sharing your life with another. I'm sure this is difficult, but from what I've heard, there's nothing like the growth that comes from a marriage relationship.

ShonD Tuesday - 05 / 06 / 2012 Reply

I will NEVER purchase this book and I will UNLIKE this website if this if you continue to push this type of message. This talking down to single women( I thought this was a positive website about happy black marriages). A woman gets married and immediately she is an EXPERT on marriage. Now she feels the need to talk down to single women. Let's see if your marriage makes it past 10 years before you start giving any advice. Because some women would not only like to get married and but stay married. The funny this is her message would be good except but its her mindset and mentality is screwed up. She thinks MARRIAGE upgraded her. There are too many fake, false, horrible and just plain wrong marriages to believe that marriage upgrades anyone. The message underneath it all which sounds like that it is okay to be vulnerable, be open, love someone, need someone gets lost in bullshit packaging its wrapped in. The implication that working hard, getting an education and being successful in life DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING when it comes to being a wife is ridiculous. Maybe what the good Dr. meant to say is that it doesn't mean EVERYTHING. A successful, educated, hard working woman is more likely to raise children to be successful, educated and hard working. The good Dr. should have said that everyone wants to be loved, wanted and needed. Men want to be needed and sometimes when a woman has accomplished so much in life its easy for ego to take over and tell her that she doesn't need anyone. Because she has HAD to have her game face on its hard sometimes to take it off and admit that she needs him. What he desperately wants to hear and what she desperately needs to say sometimes gets lost in ego.

Guest Tuesday - 05 / 06 / 2012 Reply

I think you may have misunderstood the lady. She was not implicating that working hard, getting an education and being successful in life doesn't mean anything when it comes to being a wife. She is speaking to the woman who is too independent for her own good. The women who tries to suppress whatever insecurities she may have on the inside by achieving things that make her look or feel good on the outside (i.e material things). If you are a woman who is driven, as you should be, and you know what you want in life, and have success in you relationships with friends, family, and lovers then this doesnt apply to you. If you are the woman who fails in relationships with family, friends, and lovers, and you often find yourself alone because nobody wants to be around you then this may apply to you.
- ShonD Tuesday - 05 / 06 / 2012 Reply
  
  Read my post again in its entirety then come back and talk to me.
  - Cree Tuesday - 05 / 06 / 2012 Reply
    
    Whoo, ShonD! Loving the passion girl. This is why I love comments. I get what you're saying, but I just have to defend this woman. I don't believe she is talking down to single women at all. She is trying to give advice to women who have been in her situation, advice she wishes SHE would have received. If you don't have the same flaws as her, that's fine. Don't knock the women who can relate and can learn something from her. I want to address your statement: "She thinks MARRIAGE upgraded her. There are too many fake, false, horrible and just plain wrong marriages to believe that marriage upgrades anyone. " Well, ideally, truly loving someone will upgrade you. It's probably the only thing that can. Notice that it is MARRIAGE that is doing the upgrading-not the man. Relationships with people certainly can upgrade you. Why? It's how you learn. I learn when people piss me off and I react. I learn when people share with me, I learn when I give. What other relationship is as trying as those in immediate family? Spouse? Parent/child? Siblings. Relationships-being with other people, giving of yourself, receiving-can and should upgrade you. It DOES upgrade you. Tell me you haven't learned anything in life from dealing with, loving or trying to love, taking care of or being taken care of by other people. Ideally, the best relationship you have is your marriage because you took the time to willingly build it. I definitely want mine to upgrade me, as I continue to upgrade myself. Obviously, if the marriage is completely faked, forced, rushed, it's not going to make you a better person. Hopefully, you get married to BE a better person. I also don't think this message is shrouded in "bullshit packaging." It's actually smart. The "Independent Woman" is clearly identifiable in society, and it gets people talking. Marketing at its best. And I see the woman is coming at it authentically. I don't think it's bullshit. I also don't think the video implied that being independent means you are ill-equipped for a good marriage. But like everyone else, even Independent Women have flaws when they go into a marriage. Perhaps, some of the traits IW have CAUSE problems in relationships in life. The author is admitting her faults and flaws, and maybe other IW can relate. Why does that anger you? I really think you and some others may be jumping to conclusions about what the message really is. I may or may not read the book, but just from the video, I didn't get the idea that she was saying IW are ill-fitted for marriage. There's a spectrum of IW. Maybe she was on the extreme and is just trying to offer guidance.
    - ShonDunn Tuesday - 05 / 06 / 2012
      
      I also love my passion. I am passionate and open. That's why this type of bull pisses me off. And I'm not afraid to admit that when I hear something demeaning from a place of where I expect positivity I get angry. <--- In answer to your question that's the source of my anger. Back to the point. Marriage DOES NOT upgrade anyone. If that was the case half of all marriages wouldn't end in divorce, would they? "Hopefully you get married to BE a better person" What? You are not trying to BE a better person anyway. Its that ridiculous IDEA that cause most marriages to fail. People go in thinking that getting married will help them be better people, not cheat, not lie, not steal and etc. Marriage is not a cure for what ails you. If you go into marriage thinking that you should expect a short term marriage. If anyone is jumping to conclusions it is the good Dr. who wrote this article. She assumes that her experience is the SINGLE INDEPENDENT WOMAN'S experience and has the audacity based only on her single experience to say to other women that they are not marriage material. She is now able based on just getting married to decide and judge who is marriage material. Does she have more than even 10 years at maintaining a marriage under her belt? No. Yet, she has set herself as expert just because she got married. The author doesn't have enough experience to tell single independent women that they are not marriage material. Getting married does not make you an expert on marriage. I own a car but I'm not a mechanic. What the good Dr. should have done was tell her story and put it out there that this is my experience glean what you will from this? That I and I think many others could at least respect. However, don't put yourself in the role of expert and make judgement calls on why other women are not marriage material just because you got married.
Independent&Married Wednesday - 06 / 06 / 2012 Reply

Shon, I agree. I think what I find disturbing is that for some reason women who marry are having to sacrifice their goals, dreams, and ambitions all for the name of support. Just from the 4 minute clip it seems like having goals and ambitions doesn't make one wife material whether married or single. I think that any person in a relationship can't afford to lose themselves to where their identity is lost be it male or female. If the perspective of black marriage is that I have to constantly submit and lay aside my dreams then it's a wrap.

Mike Tuesday - 05 / 06 / 2012 Reply

Dang, u guys are a bit sensitive to this. It must apply.....

Kelly Tuesday - 05 / 06 / 2012 Reply

I can understand their sensitivity. I don't get upset about this stuff anymore for myself... however... we must be responsible if we call ourselves "experts" on a topic because our young people MAY take this to heart. Clearly this sister is not really an authority. Being married makes you no more an authority on marriage, than owning a car makes you an authority at NASCAR driving. If she had said, "here's my experience. enjoy." I would give her a little leeway. Bless her heart. I hope no young women take what she's saying to heart in such a way that her words are nothing more than a misdiagnosis.
Dana P Friday - 15 / 06 / 2012 Reply

Mike, I concur.... SHEESH!

ShonDunn Tuesday - 05 / 06 / 2012 Reply

When she has maintained a marriage for 10 years she can start handing out advice.

Yana Tuesday - 05 / 06 / 2012 Reply

I'm married and I wouldn't buy her book either. This video was terrible and I'm surprised that you guys posted it. The author seems to have all of her self worth tied up into being married. I would never pass this kind of message on to my daughter or any single woman. She never once references what type of man she has (good? bad? Godly? evil? straight? employed?), she just appears to have the "I's MARRIED NOW Y'ALL!" syndrome. Which alot of women have and coincedentally alot of these same women have husband's who aren't jack. Le'sigh...now that's 4 minutes and 32 seconds of my life that I can't get back :(

ShonDunn Tuesday - 05 / 06 / 2012 Reply

I's MARRIED NOW YALL! LOL.
Cree Tuesday - 05 / 06 / 2012 Reply

You may be touching on something here, Yana. This woman seems to be about identity, which isn't all that bad-plenty of people are searching for identity. Identity sometimes gets in the way of authenticity, which obviously gets in the way of relationships. Perhaps she hopped from having her self worth tied up in "INDEPENDENT WOMAN!!!" to it being tied up in "MARRIED WOMAN!!!" I still think her message could probably have some truth in it- and possibly help some other Independent Women let go of this character they proclaim themselves to be. I suspect it's about letting go of layers of a built up, contrived personality and really learning to love themselves and love someone else. She talks about self-growth in the video.

Dr. NP Tuesday - 05 / 06 / 2012 Reply

This video was weird. I'm not gonna judge her as of yet, but maybe she needed to display an excerpt from the book because this video gave out the wrong message to independent women as myself, struggling with the marriage decision. :-(

Tammie Tuesday - 05 / 06 / 2012 Reply

We are either too independent and too strong or too needy and a gold digger..smdh its funny how I rarely see articles on what Black men need and should do to find a good mate. We either need to change something about us or settle. It's ALWAYS something, lol

Cree Tuesday - 05 / 06 / 2012 Reply

I agree!!! I guess once a black man isn't a "player" anymore, he's fixed and grade-A marriage material. Lol. And white men, according to media, don't have to fix anything!!!
no comment Tuesday - 05 / 06 / 2012 Reply

Let the church say AMEN AMEN and AMEN again! I commented about the lack of articles directed towards men and what they need to improve upon in relationship to a single male friend of mine he said "men don't read and aren't going to change and it's to many single women out here for us to have to make any improvements". I couldn't do anything but just shake my head at him.

Daysha Tuesday - 05 / 06 / 2012 Reply

I don't quite understand her but I agree with ShonD, if she hasn't been married long enough, then I doubt she can give such advice.

Dr. Smith Tuesday - 05 / 06 / 2012 Reply

Thank you for your comments and your passion. You will find my book to be very comfortable, showing personality and wisdom. I am glad my video was posted on BlackandMarriedwithKids.com, as it gives us all a platform for discussing our views and sharing knowledge. For example, from your passionate feedback, I have gathered that some of you have misunderstood my message. Misunderstandings are helpful for me to know. Thank you. I do not talk about sustaining a marriage, as that book will come later. Nevertheless, I have already claimed the victory in my marriage. If there are lessons learned, then I will share and help others. There is no doubt that there are several areas in my book that will challenge you. I honestly wished someone had challenged me, but they did not. I talked more than I listened. This may not be you. You may not desire to be married. Your story may not relate to mine. Perhaps I cannot teach you anything. I never thought that I would reach 100% of the women. My book is unlike the other books. I focus specifically on a subset of women. There is limited material available for this subset. If you do not desire to be a wife, then get the book and share with others. You must know someone who can relate to my message. If you are a woman who desires to be a wife, I am asking you to look at who you are at the intrinsic level. If you decide to Spring Clean before getting married, than your marriage will benefit. Cree summed up the meaning of the concept UPGRADE very well. Thus, see Cree's statement. I could not have done a better job. My ability to transition myself into wifely material, allowed me to draw the right man into my life. The "old" me would not have attracted the wonderful husband I have now. I am thankful. When women decide not to transition, they may miss out on the partner that was perfectly designed for them. I discuss this as well. You must understand that my spirit does not allow me to belittle someone. My book is a combination of a woman to woman discussion and a commentary that gives the woman who wants to consider a transition a step by step guide. Further, education is highly important to me, just ask my children, nieces, nephews, etc. I am excited that I have gone through the experience so that I may enlighten others. I have helped so many women thus far, many who did not fully understand immediately. Thus, I am confident that my book will help those who are willing to listen. You may not understand immediately, but you should be willing to listen. My husband helped me, single women, married women, my Christian walk, my interviews with men and women...they all helped me...When others help you, you should be willing to help others. I have done so in my book. My story is not everyone's story. Now for the part that may trigger ShonD...I may have had similar views as ShonD before my transition. I respect ShonD's opinion, as well as all the other comments. Get the book, let's talk. Thanks BlackandMarriedwithKids.com. Many of my friends are now aware of your website.

Dr. Smith Tuesday - 05 / 06 / 2012 Reply

My goodness, I did not mean to write so much. LOL.

Cheryl Wednesday - 06 / 06 / 2012 Reply

Aren't we tired of books telling us that if you are well educated, have a good job and are able to pay your bills, you are emotionally unavailable (not wifely material)? Being wifely material has nothing to do with whether or not you can buy a house or a car by yourself. Somehow, financial status is always the sticking point. You are either looking for a sugar daddy or too independent. Maybe post an exerpt of the book that shows there is something tangible to be learned.

Dr. Smith Wednesday - 06 / 06 / 2012 Reply

Cheryl, You will enjoy my book. It was in circulation getting feedback from women. I am amazed that the feedback is 100% positive. Women are touched and are transitioning, regardless of race or age. Many men have asked me to give their wives a copy, quickly. Thus, I am overly excited about the message of my book and the various exercises after each chapter. I promise you I will post several excerpts. In my book, I have spoken about every issue on this post, including "I's Married Now." I can relate to all comments. Cheryl, I am tired of many books as they do not fit me..."Aren't we tired of books telling us that if you are well educated, have a good job and are able to pay your bills, you are emotionally unavailable (not wifely material)?" However, I am sure those books were meant for some women. My book, however, tells you that a man prefers an independent woman, but there is a transition needed in order to have wife-like characteristics. There is a balance. Thanks for your comment.
Anita Wednesday - 06 / 06 / 2012 Reply

I agree Cheryl. Bottom line, we as black women may have our issues, but BEST BELIEVE, the brothers have theirs too, and I think that their issues are more deep-seeded than ours, for the simple fact that they don't want "to read" and therefore work on themselves. It almost reminds me of that book, "Men don't heal, they Ho" and it's so true. I think that one of the main reasons why there are so many single black women and why we are forced to be so dang "independent" is from dealing with SO MANY shady brothers that have made us that way. Whether is was the absentee father, the abusive boyfriend, the liar, cheater, etc, etc, the list goes on and on. I'm not saying that women don't do these things too, but often times men do it way more and get a free pass, because women want a man so much that we'll settle for ANYTHING, and that goes for all women. We don't challenge our men enough, hence they end up doing nothing and don't want to be any better or improve their relationships. They think that they are in such high demand (which is unfortunately true) and therefore they can act anyway they choose and women, black, white, latina, etc., will be more than happy to have them. I feel that much of the relationship dilemmas of today fall on men's shoulders because many, NOT ALL, fail to take responsibility for their part in their relationships, heck, even for their own children sometimes, and I for one am tired of it. I have been around various types of people, from large cities to small ones, to being in college and graduate school, church, and various places of employment, and I see far too many brothers with no drive, no vision, and no willingness to even halfway do better. And unfortunately, the majority of the brothers who do have it together are married because they are the only ones who are really worth marrying, because many of these single brothers out here today are pitiful, to say the least! Now, someone should write a dang book on that!!!! But I forget, men don't read, LOL!!!!
- ShonDunn Wednesday - 06 / 06 / 2012 Reply
  
  I absolutely, wholeheartedly agree Anita!

Delroy Wednesday - 06 / 06 / 2012 Reply

Whatever...for better or worse...people generally end up with the mate they deserve. If all you attract are bums and hot messes, then it's probably you.

eve Wednesday - 06 / 06 / 2012 Reply

Thanks for posting this, Blackandmarriedwithkids! I would have recommended that you suggest to the author that she create a more polished video to represent these valuable concepts better, and THEN placed the vid on your site ... but I'm glad for the post nonetheless. The book appears to be geared to a very specific demographic, namely women who somehow desire marriage but have only been taught how to be successful career women. Such a situation, I imagine, is as challenging as being a woman who wants to be a successful career woman but only received training in how to be a good wife. I therefore think this book, assuming it's well-written, gracious and helpful to its audience, will serve many people well. I don't *think* I'm in the IW category, but I'll consider getting it anyway. After all, as human beings we're often too blinded by our personal biases to assess ourselves properly. I'm not materialistic and not arrogant about my advanced degrees, but after being single for so long (I'm in my 30s) it's possible that I may have unknowingly developed some traits that will repel the type of future husband I would want. No, I'm not willing to shed God-given characteristics that make me who I am (I'd prefer to remain single and happy than to become a Stepford Wife) but if I have some dysfunctions that have developed unknowingly that this book could expose, I will want to know what those are while I'm single instead of having to wrestle though additional "issues" during marriage. Thanks to Dr. Smith. But sis, please get some professional consultation on any future video you release :)

Manwho'slistening Wednesday - 06 / 06 / 2012 Reply

Alot of the blaming I see hear has to do with a conversation that many women have with God or whomever you worship. There are roles that you have in this life and if you don't like or understand it then Read. America's way isn't God's way! When will you get out of your own way? You were made for Man and from man by God. Do you have an issue with that? You are subject to your role as women and so is a man. Men and woman are not equal, yet they are perfect in their God-given roles. The more you read and listen to God's word and stop being brainwashed by weak men and propaganda the better person and wife you will be. I understand where this woman is coming from, she see's what men are looking for. You can come to real men with fake speech, fake hair, tatts everywhere, fake eyes on, girdles, eat what ever you want and don't keep you self up and expect a real man. Independence has costed you so much and cause you so much confusion. If anything I've said upsets you then remember this, I love my sisters with everything in me, but I'd be short changing them if I didn't tell them the truth. Read the book called "Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth" It's been in your possession for as long as you can remember! Check this video out at the 9:50 mark http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uolWyghsHxw&list=PL03D5A253E16A6A0C&feature=mh_lolz

eve Wednesday - 06 / 06 / 2012 Reply

... listening to Dr. MacArthur's remarks ... and still failing to hear anything about the role of SINGLE women i.e. those for whom the "women are made for men" notion cannot be practiced ...

ShonDunn Wednesday - 06 / 06 / 2012 Reply

Stop selling these magic beans! Stop selling this swampland in Florida! Stop sending black women jumping thru hoops, climbing up walls, crawling thru mud, running around like chickens with their heads cut off trying to fix a problem that they don't have! Address the real issue! Once these women who purchase the good Dr's book complete her obstacle course will she pull back the curtain and reveal a number of eligible single black men eager to get married? Black men who after looking over their of marriage material checklist say oh shes the one. No, she wont. Most of those women will still be single. I mean when are we going stop dancing around the big, fat elephant in the room? Black men as a group DON'T VALUE marriage, commitment or responsibility. There a few that do, a small few. Most dont and arent expected to hold these values. We make allowances for the them, excuses for them, we continue to justify their irresponsible behavior at the detriment of the black community. Are we afraid to hold black men to standards? Hold them accountable? Expect that they act like men? Until we address the real problem and that is that black men dont value marriage, commitment or responsibility we are continue to have on overwhelming number of single black people. Are we ready to do that?

eve Wednesday - 06 / 06 / 2012 Reply

ShonDunn ... what if that doesn't succeed in your lifetime? (i.e. rebuking Black men and hoping they'll respond by shaping up). What if you're correct in your assessment of "most Black men" and they remain that way? What's your solution to the creation of a larger cadre of solid, functional, nuclear Black families?
- ShonDunn Wednesday - 06 / 06 / 2012 Reply
  
  Eve, do you think having black women jumping thru hoops, climbing up walls, crawling thru mud, running around like chickens with their heads cut off trying to fix a problem that they don't have is the answer? Do you think throwing money away on yet another self help book that doesn't address the real issue is the answer? I am correct in my assessment of most black men. But like you, I don't have an answer. What I am willing to have is a conversation? A real conversation.
  - eve Wednesday - 06 / 06 / 2012 Reply
    
    Confused by the rhetorical question in the first part of your remark since I didn't indicate as much ... but thanks for replying.
    - ShonDunn Wednesday - 06 / 06 / 2012
      
      You're welcome. My apologies if was confusing for you. Tell me where you got lost and I'll do my best to explain.
    - Alexis Wednesday - 06 / 06 / 2012
      
      Nice!
Fromcletodal Wednesday - 06 / 06 / 2012 Reply

Sounds like you have been dealing with losers most of your life. All the good doctor is trying to do is give some perspective on her experiences and possibly helping someone in a similar situation. Pointing fingers will do nothing for an open dialogue between the sexes. It starts with taking a hard look in the mirror at oneself and making an assessment on what changes need to be made. If you are taking it personally then it means it hit home somewhere. If the message doesn't pertain to you and your situation, then you shouldn't let it bother you. Someone could benefit from this message.
- ShonDunn Wednesday - 06 / 06 / 2012 Reply
  
  @ Fromcletodal. "Sounds like you have been dealing with losers most of your life." LOL. Nice try. Won't work. You are right, pointing fingers won't open dialogue but nothing will change until we address the real issue, honestly. The good Dr. is selling magic beans.
  - Fromcletodal Wednesday - 06 / 06 / 2012 Reply
    
    And what would be the real issue? Everyone has a story and experiences. She may be selling magic beans from your perspective, but for someone else it could be a blessing. Sometimes all it takes is one example for something to click. And I apologize for saying you must have been dating losers all of your life. I shouldn't have made that assumption.
Dana P Friday - 15 / 06 / 2012 Reply

Wow, sounds like you had a lot to get off your chest...

Alexisl Wednesday - 06 / 06 / 2012 Reply

This video has its points but I won't write a book up here on my entire thought process but having a part of the American Dream is what everybody wants but what good is it if you lie alone in bed at night without a good man by your side to share it with...It will make you a bitter person ijs! So I can see where shes coming from in I want to read the book.

professor Wednesday - 06 / 06 / 2012 Reply

Interesting comments! I am not sure I get the gist of the book. What exactly is the transition that single women need to make? What are the qualities that single women need to cultivate in order to be "wifely"?

Kayelle Thursday - 07 / 06 / 2012 Reply

Having been on both sides of the fence, I can say that there is absolutely nothing wrong with the information that Dr. Smith is attempting to share in her book. At this juncture in my life, I am fighting to keep my relationship, be happily married and raise children that are not my fiancee's. There are so many stereotypes and so many opinions that some of us have no idea which way to turn. At least there is someone willing to share their experience which is a heck of a lot more than most are willing to do. I do read a great deal...doesn't mean I take all that I read to heart, but I will add this to my list of books to read for the summer and take away from it what is suitable for myself and use it as a stepping stone if necessary to enhance my own relationship. I could have easily been a man hater, but I have to be responsible enough to say that I have made some poor choices along the way. After a while, I cannot blame my absent dad or what momma did not teach me. I am old enough to know better, but never too old to learn more to enhance my present relationship. I welcome your book Dr. Smith. Heck, many of us read Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man...so for me, that about sums it up!

Anita Thursday - 07 / 06 / 2012 Reply

I for one didn't read "Act Like A Lady....". Why would I take relationship advice from a man who wasn't even faithful to his first wife and yet he's going to try and tell women what they need to do to get a man. Pleeease!!!! That's the problem today, too many darn self-help books, and in the end, NOBODY is really being helped, only pockets gettin' fatter!! You'd think with all of these self-help books around, the marriage rate would be at 80% and the divorce rate at 20%, but it's more likely the other way around. That should tell people something. Society acts like women are the only ones that need fixin', but I say, men also have their share of needing some fixin' themselves, and quite a bit of it too!!! Folks don't seem to want to address this because they're too worried about bruising the male ego, yet the divorce rate just keeps on increasing!!!!!

GentlemanGQ Thursday - 07 / 06 / 2012 Reply

Seems like the lady is just trying to give "advice". She should not be attacked. I think she has a valid point and plus she is speaking from her experience and alot of others. If you don't need the advice, cool, don't buy the book. You continue to be the expert on who you are and stay single. Plain and simple, this book is only trying to give advice and I believe it would do more "help" than "harm". We (both men and women) can learn from this. Men have to learn how to deal with the so called "independent" women also. Women have been forced to be this way because of absentee fathers, jerks or brothers who just don't have it together, etc. When it comes to relationships, we (both men and women) can always learn a thing or two. With the divorce rates, broken homes, relationship issues, etc. We all could use advice from time to time. I am not giving up on Black Love!

GentlemanGQ Thursday - 07 / 06 / 2012 Reply

Oh yeah, check out my blog www.gentlemangq.com, promoting "strength and manhood"... Brother and sisters, let's get it together....Black love rocks!

big daddy Thursday - 07 / 06 / 2012 Reply

I have a independent woman, Very successful. I think this book will be perfect for her. She's so tough all the time she doesn't know when to turn it off. Hopefully we can read his book together and come up with some conclusions. Thank you GOOD dr.

Dr. Smith Monday - 11 / 06 / 2012 Reply

@Shon Dunn...My 4-minute video is posted on several blogs and websites, and you have reached every blog with similar discussions. Please do not block the blessings from others. My book is filled with testimonies, illustrations, wisdom, exercises, and many other intrinsic-nature thoughts. Over 900 YouTube views, many emails from couples, men, and women who are excited about the book. Many others on this post received my message. I am too excited about sharing what I have learned. It is sure to be beneficial to all who read it. Thank you HappilyEverAfterTheMovie for posting my video. I plan to reach all women so that we can all learn and grow from each other.

Dana P Friday - 15 / 06 / 2012 Reply

Finally. Someone who can speak about both sides. Obviously, I Haven't read her book but if the above video summarizes what the book is about I'm gonna have to agree with her big time. I was a Miss Independent, too and it's true you are your own worse enemy when it comes to becoming wife material. It took about three to four years for my old self to be deconstructed and re-created into the new me. How? My path happened when I became a Christian. And the same for my husband. Ladies, listen up. It's cool having money in the bank and having respect at work but when I'm old and gray I'll take more pride in my children (raised by my husband and me) and my grandbabies and leaving this world with my loved ones and husband next to me. Not my money in the bank, promotions, stuff I bought or with memories of all the cool places I travelled to. No the grass isn't 100% greener on the other side, but like she said, there's much to be worked on within ourselves. -Our character development, our attitude, our mindset. Just sayin..

Dana P Friday - 15 / 06 / 2012 Reply

OK. I just read through a good amount of the comments. Sisters. Ladies. Women. This is obviously a very, VERY sensitive spot for women within our community. And so obviously there are strong opinions about it. Many of have never seen a healthy marriage. Hell, many of us can't even define what a marriage truly is. But the anger we're throwing towards Dr. Smith is a waste. At the end of the day whether you agree with this woman or not we all have some serious stuff we need to work on and fix within ourselves. So start there and focus there. Everything else will fall into place. And a side note. Marriage is one of the most unselfish unions and concepts that I know of. It's not about you, or the hubbie alone. lol. Your character and flaws are being refined like the husband is, too. I'm not an expert either, but a reformed lost, crazy, rebellious, know-it-all, and honestly, a bitter bitch. Married life is faaarrr from a bed of roses but it has it's benefits, too. It took a lot for my husband and I to change our mindset enough to even have a shot at being marriage material. Again, WE HAD TO BOTH CHANGE OURSELVES. Marriage, from what I'm learning is not just about the two people involved. It's the foundation that provides stability that communities/ nations are built on. How do I know this? Malachi 2:15 Didnt the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. ...I never thought I'd be one of the people posting scriptures on a comment thread, but there you go...

Dr. Smith Friday - 15 / 06 / 2012 Reply

Dana P......GREAT word. We have to let others know. We have to spread the word. We perhaps had a similar path and so have others. I know your husband, you, and your marriage are better based on the new you. God blessed. I speak about what you have said, plus more. Exciting times....

Dr. Smith Friday - 06 / 07 / 2012 Reply

Just keeping you posted. Get a jump start on a life-changing experience. The ebook is available for $5.99 on Amazon.com (http://www.amazon.com/Independent-Womans-Becoming-Material-ebook/dp/B008HVCVSI/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1341578274&sr=8-7&keywords=you%27re+more+than+what+meets+the+eye) and a few other sites. The paperback will be available on Amazon.com by next Monday. Thank you for your support.

Maria Friday - 06 / 07 / 2012 Reply

Sounds like a variation of "boys won't like you if you're smart and show it." So basically all those women who "succeeded" and found a man to marry had to dummy down to get him? What an insult.

VIDEO: Miss Too Independent – You May Not Be Wife Material

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