Do You Make Your Children Do Things You Were Afraid Of?

As parents, we want our children to have the best of everything. The best education, the best friends and grow up with the best values. Along with having those desires for them comes our urgent need to push them in certain areas.  I find myself really challenging my children to step outside of their comfort zones. Even though, as an adult, I just truly started stepping out of mine. I feel as though I wasted a significant amount of time, being fearful, doubtful and lazy. Quite naturally I don’t want that same journey for my children.

Recently, I was the guest speaker at my church and I delivered a message to the women. As I shared the message my eyes stayed fixated on my daughters. Because although the message was intended for the women of the church, it was ideal for my girls. The topic was boldness. It was about having boldness in Christ and in life. The message was newly written for that particular service, but the message was something my girls had heard and experienced time and time again. See, I frequently challenge them in the area of boldness. I force them to go after what they want. I don’t ever want them to waste their dream or have any regrets or delays in reaching their goals.

My teenage daughter recently completed a journalism program in which she had the opportunity to meet and work one-on-one with several successful Chicago area journalist and magazine writers. A dream come true experience for any aspiring writer. I would have loved to have this opportunity as I was coming up. The keynote speaker (of the graduation ceremony) was a published author and columnist for the Chicago Tribune. After the festivities, as everyone networked, I found myself pushing my daughter out of that old familiar comfort zone once again. Even though I would have loved to have this opportunity as a teen, I know I would not have been able to do what I was now forcing her to do, due to the fact I was extremely shy and would not have realized the value of this experience. But I pushed her anyway. I challenged her to work the room and make connections. Although reluctantly, she did it and successfully started building her network of professionals who already do exactly what she wants to do.

It’s easy for us as parents to know exactly where to push our children, because we are familiar with the opportunities lost as a result of our not being bold and fearless. While it may be occasionally uncomfortable for my girls, I know I am encouraging them to be bold now in order to reach their fullest potential later.

BMWK, do you make your children do things you are or were afraid of?


About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing, and a Career Coach/Trainer. She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya was recently featured in Ebony Magazine and on the Michael Baisden Show. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two children. For more of her life and love wisdom visit www.notyouraverageadvice.com


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Comments (11)

  1. Ronnie_bmwk Thursday - 12 / 07 / 2012 Reply
    Great post Tiya!! I do challenge/push my kids....especially if it is an area that they have expressed interest in. Sometimes they are apprehensive or even too lazy to try things and step out of their comfort zone. But with a little coaxing....I at least get them to try....then if they don't like it ...oh well..you tried. But most of the time..they are better off for having the experience.
  2. Tiya Thursday - 12 / 07 / 2012 Reply
    Ronnie, I completely agree. I do the same things with my children. I want them to have every opportunity possible. So they are going to have to be a little uncomfortable sometimes. :)
  3. Eva Thursday - 12 / 07 / 2012 Reply
    Well done. I did the same with my daughter. I encouraged my daughter to go to camp, be on the softball, basketball and volleyballs teams in jr high ( I had 4 older brothers, so sports was my thing, I was too shy to actually go and try out for the teams)..Now, my daughter is not afraid to try (almost) anything, skydiving, rafting , traveling alone etc..Downside for me, she moved away to go to college and decided to stay in that city. still a #PROUDMOM
    • Tiya Thursday - 12 / 07 / 2012 Reply
      Great job Eva, that's what I'm talking about. Isn't that a great feeling?
  4. Keeley @ My Life on a Plate Thursday - 12 / 07 / 2012 Reply
    I'm having a baby next month and my husband and I both agree that we'll put him in swim lessons starting at 6 months old. I did not learn to swim until I was 30 (and I'm still uncomfortable at times) because my mother did not swim, we didn't have access to pools, and she didn't want me to get my hair wet (stupid, but true... especially in our community). It's important to me that all of my children learn to swim early and do not develop a fear of the water (or a fear of their hair).
    • Tiya Thursday - 12 / 07 / 2012 Reply
      That's a great idea. I'm still regretting that I never learned how to swim.
  5. Tanya Funches Friday - 13 / 07 / 2012 Reply
    Tiya, when I was a kid, I was afraid of dogs. I didn't care what kind it was. I was also afraid of bugs (lady bugs, lightning bugs) and even butterflies. It was ridiculous. My twins are not. I really try not to pass my childhood fears down to them. In terms of their academic life in school, I always pushed the envelope. I never volunteered to do anything, gave very little attention to extra curricular activities if any at all and by the time I was a Junior in high school, all I cared about was the guy who got me pregnant right after I graduated. There are so many things I wish I would have done when I was younger. Because of it, I live vicariously through them. Their GPA was never allowed to fall below a 3.0, they had to get involved with at least two extra curricular activities and they had to volunteer for The Village of Richton Park. I also encouraged them to establish positive relationships with people of all ethnicities. It truly made a difference. Although I am more of an extrovert and they are more introverted, I see the fruits of my labor. In certain aspects of a child's life, parents should push their kids to do certain things. As long as it helps and doesn't hurt, they will appreciate it later. Great article!!
    • Tiya Friday - 13 / 07 / 2012 Reply
      Tanya, I love your comment and completely agree. Our children are going to be extremely grateful for all the coaching, motivating and pushing we do now. You are doing and amazing job!

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