We all bring baggage into marriage. But what happens when that baggage is another person, namely an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend?
When I met my husband, I was ending a relationship I thought would lead to marriage one day. My feelings were hurt, self-esteem in the gutter, and trust broken. I needed to heal before jumping into another relationship. So, my husband and I took our time, dating for 3 years before marriage. Nevertheless, I still had to work through those past hurts, forgive my ex, and take responsibility for my part in the failed relationship.
What I didn’t want to do was carry the baggage of my ex into my new relationship. After all, marriage is for two people not three. So, my ex had to go!!
I had to stop thinking about him and the hurt he caused.
I had to stop talking about him.
I had to remove all traces of him from my home.
I had to stop anticipating that my new boyfriend would treat me the same way my ex did.
I had to stop living in the past and start expecting a better future.
I couldn’t blame my ex for my unhappiness anymore because he was gone. And if I decided to keep him around in my heart and head, I would ruin the new relationship God was orchestrating for me. That’s why I am so glad my new boyfriend, who turned out to be my husband, gave me an ultimatum.
“Let him go, or I go.”
And he meant exactly what he said. No more sharing his woman with the ghost of my past. If he was going to be a one-woman-man, then he expected me to be a one-man-woman. My husband-to-be made it very clear that I wasn’t going to blame him for the mistakes of my ex. Sure, he would be patient with me while I healed, but I was not to fixate on the past.
Looking back, I am glad my husband gave me an ultimatum. He wanted me all to himself, which meant I had to let go of my ex and see my future husband for the faithful and loving man he is.
BMWK readers, what baggage did you have to let go of while building your current relationship?
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