Money Monday: Are We Wrong For Putting Wealth and Careers Before Marriage?

Comments (15)

1. 

   Letters to My Spouse Monday - 30 / 07 / 2012 Reply

   Sadly, our values/goals as a society have changed. God has been removed from the public forum. The roles of men and women have shifted (not for the better). Women rather than embrace the vocation of motherhood, as noble and rewarding, frown upon it. Schools no longer focus on teaching the humanities. The list goes on and on. As a result: wealth and careers take top priority, marriage following...if at all. Our parents had it right, building the empire together so to speak is what it is all about. There is supposed to be a healthy balance between marriage, family, and work. We are all called to participate in God's divine creative act (via work). The problem lies when career, this need to make more money, becomes the center of a person's existence. Marriage and family will deteriorate as a result. As a single person, the same applies. Each person is called to use the gifts God has given them and to strive for the end result, happiness. The journey should never close the person off from experiencing life in all its beauty, in meeting their other half.
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     Whitney Monday - 30 / 07 / 2012 Reply

     I agree that everyone should strive for the end result—happiness. But the way we define happiness and how we get there has changed. Its not necessarily that women frown upon motherhood, but that today it doesnt have to be their singular path to happiness. Now its okay if a woman wishes to pursue a career first or if she doesnt want to have children or even get married, whereas before it was socially unacceptable. And I also agree that there must be a balance in work, marriage and family, but arriving at that destination doesnt have to follow that “traditional” route. Many studies find that couples who get married later in life (e.g. 30s versus 20s) are less likely to get divorced. Additionally, wanting to focus on work isnt just about money—its also about goal fulfillment and self-actualization, which can strengthen both marriage and family. And as a society we frown upon parents who have more children that they can financially support, so why would we want to discourage couples who want to build a strong financial foundation before starting a family? In the end, I think that theres a big difference between wanting to focus on work before you get married and putting your work before your marriage once you do. The former doesnt necessitate the latter.
2. 

   Harmonee Monday - 30 / 07 / 2012 Reply

   I totally agree with building wealth together. The experience makes you stronger partners & will help you appreciate what you have obtained together a lot more. Having "things" laid out separately before marriage is only "easier" in a subjective sense. However, it isn't always worth it because it tends to ALSO lay a foundation for too much "yours", "mine", & "ours" which can potentially cause undue tension, stress, insecurity, disdain & resentment in a marriage. Even when you include your spouse later on, it can be difficult to detach the stigma of independence, protection & pride we place on what we obtained by ourselves before they came along. We've been married for almost 3 years & it's a special kind of love, joy & friendship present when we celebrate even minor accomplishments together. We love the power of "ours" & we appreciate it much more than any other dynamic.
3. 

   Pat Monday - 30 / 07 / 2012 Reply

   Its funny I was just having this conversation with my boyfriend last night. We are both reservists in different branches of the military and he was telling me a story of how a Captain had 26 years with the USMC, but his wife of 17 years left him for another man (don't feel too bad for him, he cheated on her on all of his depolyments). He would volunteer for depolyments for a year at a time, come home for 6 months and then leave hear again. He completed 6 tours within 10 years. We both decided that we would never put the military before each other. He knows too many people like that Captain who chose to put their careers ahead of their families and ended up alone before they could retire. It doesn't seem worth it to me. I'm sure there are a lot of people who can't relate to being in the military, but I think it holds the same weight. My belief is that family should come first and you can work on career objectives TOGETHER.
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     Lamar Monday - 30 / 07 / 2012 Reply

     Love that perspective Pat. Best wishes to you and your boyfriend.
4. 

   @yo_q_crush Monday - 30 / 07 / 2012 Reply

   Its a difference in wanting to have self-stability and wanting to be "wealthy" before getting married. I am all for self stabilty and doing all you can as an individual to make sure when you enter into the partnership of marriage you are bringing more good than bad. For those who are waiting to be "wealthy" before getting married good luck with that one. I realized that while I THOUGHT I had some of my money issues in order it wasnt until I got married that things became easier. My wife is a planner and she was the one who did the budget while i am the one who is the voice of reason. You tend to be more loyal to those who help you build rather than just show up for the grad opening gala (and that isnt just with marriage.) I learned in my spiritual walk that some of MY (it may not be that way for everyone) blessings were tied to my spouse and I begin to walk in to them when I made the commitment to her. For others it may not be a spouse it could be serving, being a better child, or even a better friend. I just know for myself, getting the prosperity (wealth/health/spiritual growth) that God has for me didnt fully begin to take off until I got married, and I think that because marriage is an outward showing of your commitment to God, because you made the vow to him first THEN your spouse, and by being able to handle that, God now can bless your heart's desires
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     Finally! Monday - 30 / 07 / 2012 Reply

     Proverbs 18:22 "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord." (NIV) I've heard the first portion of this scripture quoted very often, but most ignore the second and more vital part...
5. 

   Ashon Monday - 30 / 07 / 2012 Reply

   I certainly would have preferred to have been debt free and established in my career prior to getting married. However, if I had waited on those things, I might not be married today. It is good to want to have a solid career, good credit and some money in the bank before marriage, but not having those things should not deter or delay marriage. The important thing is, for a man anyway, is having a vision and plan - having career and wealth goals clearly mapped out so that your wife can support. Then also being honest about the situation - if you have jacked-up credit, let it be known, so your future spouse knows the deal going in that it may be a few years before the house purchase or new car. Then there is something to be said about buildintogether - co-ownership, mutual appreciation. I believe that makes a marriage all the more stronger.
6. 

   Jackie Bledsoe, Jr. Monday - 30 / 07 / 2012 Reply

   I think there is something to building wealth (or anything) together and going through struggles together. That is how you grow...our trials produce so much in our character. I do think it is important to know what you are working with before getting married, and to do some "Before I say I do" classes to prepare for all aspects of marriage, including finances. Waiting is kind of silly to me. So ,if you wait until the finances are right before committing to marriage, what happens if the finances get messed up in marriage? Do you leave the marriage, then fix the $, then get married again (to someone else). Priorities do not seem to be in order.
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     @yo_q_crush Tuesday - 31 / 07 / 2012 Reply

     but the sad thing is people dont want the "worse/sickness" part of their vows all they want are good times and the moment any form of tribulation takes place, they want to flee. thats why building together is so key, you get to see the true character of your spouse.
7. 

   Felicia Gopaul Wednesday - 01 / 08 / 2012 Reply

   Of course everybody wants to be financially stable first before getting into married life, but it should not be an issue that will hold you back from having a lifetime commitment to your partner. As a couple you can work together to achieve your goals . Lay out your plans and support each other subsequently, it will result to a better family life.
8. 

   Paul H. Byerly Friday - 03 / 08 / 2012 Reply

   If money is more importnat than marraige BEFORE the wedding, won't it be more importnat AFTER the wedding? And isn't that a disaster waiting to happen? The other thing here is those who are really about not having sex before marriage tend to be far more motivated to marry at a younger age. Just sayin' ...
9. 

   Jurnee Saturday - 04 / 08 / 2012 Reply

   I want my marriage to work. So my goal is to avoid any problems. since money is one of the main causes of divorce, I would want to have my career and financial stability in tack prior to marriage.
10. 

    Keeley @ My Life on a Plate Tuesday - 28 / 08 / 2012 Reply

    I believe that couples should be open about their finances prior to entering a marriage, but I don't think that you need to wait until you are completely debt free or until you have a certain credit score before getting married. If that was the criteria for marriage, I know a lot of people who would not marry until they reached retirement age! I find it interesting that so many people who tell me that they are waiting to get their finances and careers right before marriage are willing to (or already have) children outside of marriage. You can divorce a spouse and divide the assets (or debts), but you can't divorce a child. My husband and I married at age 24 and we had a combination of student loan and credit card debt. We worked together to refinance and pay it down and we bought a home when we were 25. It's been almost 7 years and we've more than doubled our household income, earned 2 more advanced degrees and I wouldn't have delayed our marriage for anything. If finances are a concern, get premarital counseling to address it. It's more important that you marry an honest person with good character... building wealth and paying debt can be done together. Particularly in these times when college-educated people are carrying huge debts it seems silly to wait to be debt free prior to marriage.

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