Is Marriage Outdated or Do We Need to Get Back to the Basics?

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by Ronnie Tyler | on August 28th, 2012 | 7 comments

Based on what we hear and see in the media, you would think that marriage is obsolete! But we know differently! And we know that marriage is good for our children and our communities (better schools, less crime, and more home ownership…)

Last week during #MarriageChat, our weekly Wednesday night twitter chat, we discussed the State of Marriage. It was very interesting to hear different perspectives on how people view marriage and what we need to do to improve marriage in our communities.

We asked very poignant questions such as is marriage outdated, what led us to the current state of marriage, and what can married folks do to change the perception of marriage.

Check out the answers we received by clicking each page below.

Then leave a comment telling us what you think current state of marriage is and how we can turn things around.

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About the author

Ronnie Tyler is the co-creator of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com and co-producer of the films Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me, Men Ain’t Boys and Still Standing. The proud mom of 4 has been selected by Parenting Magazine as a Must-Read Mom, is one of Babble’s Top 100 Mom Bloggers, and was an Ebony Power 100 Honoree for 2011 and 2012.

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Comments (7)

NotQuiteDivorced Tuesday - 28 / 08 / 2012 Reply

Ultimately I believe it is the individual responsibility. However, as I am learning; it is not easy to get divorce....the time, the paperwork, the money, the laws. There doesn't seem to be the same intensity on the front end. I would be curious to know if there were requirements to get married (pre-marital classes, which includes some of the typical reasons people get divorced) if that would strengthen the commitment and decrease the divorce rate. I know of people who dated less than 1 year, got married and stayed married under one roof for less than 6 months, then spent the next year and a half or so, trying to get a divorce.
- Troy Wednesday - 29 / 08 / 2012 Reply
  
  while you wonder about the statement of divorce ask yourself this' the current person I call friend what make them that to me and the person I call Got my Back no matter what why are they so attach to you that way? and when you come up with this answer you really know why the lawyer, money, and paperwork..
Vilma Davis Tuesday - 28 / 08 / 2012 Reply

One should go into marriage with the determination that divorce is not an option, then perhaps couples would make decisions to work things out. Just as one maintains a car or a house, one should seek to maintain their marriage as well. I find that couples that pray together and who make God that third person in their triangular marriage will do better. Selfishness cannot be a part of mariaages, and the marriage cannot be kept by "Eros" love alone, because in most situations it does take an "Agape" kind of love to pull through.
Karyn Wisniewski Tuesday - 28 / 08 / 2012 Reply

I agree with Vilma, that people should enter into marriage with the idea that divorce is not an option. It's become far to easy, and accepted, for a couple to just say 'forget it, this is too hard, etc" and opt for a divorce. More work needs to be done prior to the wedding to help people realize if they are as compatible as they think they are, and to help them prepare for married life.
Katherine G Tuesday - 28 / 08 / 2012 Reply

I think if people really take the time to get to know each other before getting married that marriages will last longer. Don't marry someone who cheated on you multiple times before even saying I do because that person is clearly showing you who they are. I believe you should try to find out what a person expects in a marriage. Some people get married and have totally different views on how the marriage should work. I think sometimes people take marriage as a joke instead of something serious and that's where things go wrong.
Lorri Tuesday - 28 / 08 / 2012 Reply

I believe it's the fast food, I can have it my way mentality. My friends get upset with their spouse, and start talking about filing faster than prayer, counseling, or simply admitting they may need to do their own work in the relationship.
Miss T Thursday - 30 / 08 / 2012 Reply

Marriage, with it's original intent in a SPIRITUAL fashion is lost. We say it's a union, partnership, and the rest, but today...it takes a special pair to TRULY understand and commit to the fundamentals of the true meaning of marriage. If we do not understand the opposite sex, nor ourselves fully, how can we commit a lifetime to another human being??? If we put romantic love before friendship, how do we expect this type of union to last? If we put the almighty dollar before spiritual love, why do we trip when things go bad sooner than later? I agree with Kasonde Katongo..in that in modern times, the advancement has made it appear that the gender roles have changed, but I think it's all because no humility came into play. Opportunities for the advancement of women did not have to mean shutting men down in the process. Some of us took "equality" over the top. YET...while we were climbing, men were still competing with each other and the world perpetuating their own unresolved issues...some of which made the homelife worse off in modern days as it was in years passed. So the fault falls on BOTH genders. Moreover, we need to omit certain verbiage from our vocabulary...like "sacrifice", "ball-n-chain", "hard", "he/she completes me" and"end of freedom"...just to name a few. The true trinity of marriage is between you, your mate and God..NOT you, your mate, your in-laws, your best friends and the attorneys that drew up the pre-nups!!! What the samhill??? Personally, as a whole, I think as a people we have regressed and in the world we live in TODAY. VERY few of us are truly equipped to handle marriage for the duration. A lot of folk wear the title as BEING married, but don't TRULY live the life wholeheartedly 100%