There are some pretty outrageous stories posted online, but a recent story I came across in the Huffington Post may be one of the strangest. Valerie Spruill, a woman from Ohio, learned her deceased husband was actually her biological father!
Yes, she married her father, and had no idea until after his death! The most disturbing part is family members knew, and, for whatever reason, never told her, and she is unsure if her husband/father knew himself.
The comment section of the Huffington Posts has some pretty harsh and condemning comments, but I think the possibility of this happening may be higher than people think. A couple weeks ago was BMWK’s “Blended Families Week”. A variety of blended family scenarios, perspectives, and helpful tips were posted, commented on, and shared.
The info and interaction from that week shows there are a lot of blended families out there. With the number of blended families today, and with some individuals being unaware of the existence or location of other families members, it is very possible something like this could happen to almost any of us.
You may have heard before men marry women who remind them of their mother, and women marry men who remind them of their father. It doesn’t sound like that happened in the story mentioned above, but once I got over the weird feeling it gave me, the thought of marrying someone similar, in personality or character, to a parent came to mind.
I love my wife, and I have learned over the years one of the many reasons I love her so much. I’ve told her many times before, “I married my mother.” It is said jokingly, but my wife knows exactly what I mean. I think she agrees. The similarities between her personality, and my mother’s personality are amazing. Just the same, my wife has mentioned to me some of the personality traits that I share with her father that made me attractive to her.
It makes perfect since to me that this could happen, and happen a lot. Your mother/father is your first and most important childhood love. Perhaps subconsciously you seek out characteristics, good and bad, which remind you of that first love.
As a dad, this thought makes me take a real hard look in the mirror. Do I really want my daughter to marry someone who is just like me? Do I want our kids to have a marriage like ours? Honestly answering this question can be humbling, and can definitely lead to a change in thought pattern, as well as action. If you cannot answer a solid “yes” to that question, then maybe some changes are necessary for you as well.
The biggest failure in the real life husband/father marriage story was a lack of communication. This is how you can make sure you can answer yes. Open, honest, and consistent communication. Communication with your spouse, and communication with your kids.
Even if you are not “ideal” spouse material (yet), by communication you can at least be that guide, that voice, that ear your kids seek when they move into those stages of life. At a minimum you will model communication, which will be one of the biggest assets in their future relationships.
BMWK: What are your thoughts on the real life husband/father marriage? Did you “marry” your mother/father? Please share in the comment section below.