When we first got married, my kids and I moved to the DC area which is where my husband is from. Within 5 months, I was pregnant with our first child together and my third child overall. And I had been working from home for a few years, so I was really feeling lonely way out in the suburbs of DC. I was in a new city, away from my family and friends, I was pregnant and full of emotions, and it was not pretty.
One day, my husband shared with me that he had lunch with some of his colleagues which happen to be mostly women. And I had a serious problem with it. I don’t know where my feelings of mistrust came from. He NEVER gave me any reason to mistrust him. He never did anything that was remotely inappropriate or that would cause me to wonder about him. Yet, I felt strongly about him not having lunch with women I did not know.
I argued with him about it frequently. At first he became angry with me because he really did not do anything to deserve my lack of trust. But eventually, he decided to be more sensitive with me and the feelings that I was having – not because he did anything wrong…but because he loved me and saw that I was struggling. Eventually, I was able to see that the problem was all mine – stemming from my feelings of loneliness in the house, my baggage from past relationships, and probably my hormones. I even realized that my field was a male dominated. And that when I work in the office. I am normally the only woman and I do eat lunch with my colleagues.
Having compassion for one another is a marital tool that my husband and I have learned to use in our marriage. Having compassion means that you feel sympathy for a person and you want to do something to help them in their time of need.
So why is it that I have seen so many couples having a lack of compassion for each other:
The National Healthy Marriage Institute says that: “Compassion is a tool that can help you extinguish anger, motivate you to help your spouse and understand your spouse’s perspective.” Here are a few more tips they want you to know about having compassion for your spouse:
BMWK – Being compassionate with one another has the power to lift you both up. Is this an area that you have struggled with? Please provide us with examples of how compassion in your relationship has made your marriage stronger.