The Other Woman in Your Husband’s Life: Appropriate vs Get Real Lady

BY: - 19 Sep '12 | Home

Share this article!

Photo Credit: Nutech21

Photo Credit: Nutech21

by Charli Penn-Watkins,

I’ve blogged in the past about my total willingness to accept that my husband has a “work wife” in his life. I know her. I trust her. And, she has proven time and time again to have both his back and OUR back! (That’s three thumbs-up in my book.) That said, there are a few other women he has encountered through his work life that I’d much rather not hear about ever again. I won’t go into too many details (I’m aware many of his co-workers, both past and present, could possibly be reading this, and he doesn’t need the drama!) but I’m going to sum it up with a few thoughts that will get you to where I’m headed with this, and then you can tell me what you think”...

If You Want to Be His “Friend”, You Should Want to Know Me Too!

I cannot tell you how many times my husband has come home talking about a new female co-worker buddy he chats with on the job who used this phrase: “Oh Please, I know you’re married. I just want to be your friend!” Then, they always follow up this bull with the same telltale mistakes. They are as follows: They never ask about me, or us; just him. They’re conveniently nowhere to be found when I’m around the job or suddenly “shy” when he’s with me at the office holiday party. Get real, lady! You don’t want to be his friend; you want more. I showed my husband how to spot the signs long ago, and we still laugh together at these so called “buddies” and how quickly they fade away when they realize he’s happy at home and staying there.

If You Have A Man of Your Own, Don’t Rely On Mine!

I’m 100-percent not cool with a female “friend” of my husband’s calling on him in their time of need. Money problems? Kids wrecking your nerves? Need “to talk”? I don’t care! That’s not his job, nor is it the role he should be playing in your life. He has already been cast as the main man I depend on in my life. Get a new script, and get real lady!

Now, my husband is usually on board with these typical tricks of the trade, but every now and then we find ourselves “discussing” how he should or shouldn’t “let down” a female co-worker nicely ““ and if you ask me, we spend way too much time hashing it out. For me, it’s simple: I’m okay with you having a few female friends that aren’t me, but there are rules that must be followed. 1. If she was your friend long before you’d ever even laid eyes on me, I won’t dispute that bond. 2. Don’t call her a “friend” if she hasn’t earned that title; and trust me, earning it takes way more than just providing good conversation on your lunch break or offering to get you coffee. And, 3. You just don’t need many female friends in your life if you have a best friend like me, so you better pick wisely, buddy! Okay? Okay”...now no more talk about these women, please!

Oh, and one other thing……

To read more and to find out if Charli has male friends, check out her post on ManWifeandDog.com

follow Charli on twitter: @ManWifeDog

BMWK – We’ve tackled this topic on the site before. How do you feel about your spouse having “friends” of the opposite sex at work?

About the author

BMWK Staff wrote 912 articles on this blog.

Content and articles from the staff and guest contributors of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com

Store

like what you're reading?

Start Shopping!

Discussion

Facebook Wordpress

45 WordPress comments on “The Other Woman in Your Husband’s Life: Appropriate vs Get Real Lady

  1. Kris

    I trust my husband whole heartedly. I dont have a problem with him having female friends, but there are definitely rules that must be followed.
    1. There are certain times of the day that are inappropriate for my husband to receive calls from female friends. Dont call him after 8:30 p.m. Hes at home with his family and WE dont want to be disturbed!
    2. Conversations need to be kept to a minimum. There is no need for them to converse on a daily basis…or heck, even a weekly basis!
    3. Short and to the point!—conversations should always be short and to the point.
    4. Womans intuition. I need to meet these friends. If I get a bad reading about this female friend, then she no longer needs to be your female friend!
    5. Dont call on my husband in your time of need—thats not the role he should play in your life.

    Reply
    1. Melissa

      Kris, I couldn’t agree more. You said exactly what I wanted to say, I will only add that we as women need to, just generally speaking, should treat each other the way we would like to be treated. If this friend were ever in a serious relationship/marriage, how would she feel if another women called on her partner the way she is calling on yours? It’s a matter of respect! MY HUSBAND IS NOT YOUR SURROGATE BOYFRIEND!!!

      Reply
  2. JazzyMac

    Here we go again with wives talking about the “predator” other women “stalking” your man. SMH. These conversations usually happens about once a year–like clockwork. If a man answers his “caller ID” phone in front of you…lol…much less gives out his number…then HE IS DISRESPECTING HIS FAMILY. How many female coworkers hunt down the company directory to get their “friend’s” home number? Yeah right. He gave it up, and he’s now playing the “victim” about this woman who just won’t leave him alone. Let me tell it like this: Every guy at my job has approached me to be “friends”. They are ALL married, and have been told (by me) to search elsewhere. I am usually told that I’m too uptight because I can’t just “be friends”…and that I need to “live a little”. lol! They all invite me out…to the local bar to watch the game (no prob), to to club for happy hour (no prob), to the running path to run (hmm…ok), to their house when their wife is working late (yeah, ok), to the jazz festival that coincidentally only they show up to (hmmmm).

    All B.S.

    I spend more time fighting off married men then I do getting approached by single men. Who knew that these married men were busy talking to their wives about the women who just can’t leave them alone?? ;-)

    Any woman who is that NAIVE about their husbands needs a lesson in Biology 101 (Animal Kingdom).

    I’m not off the soapbox yet…because the season of blaming other women for their cheating husbands has just started.

    Reply
    1. Anonymous

      I agree. It totally starts with the wife first letting him know and showing how she should be treated. (Iyanla vanzant said it best). Then that man should be behaving in such a way that a woman would be ashamed to approach him knowinh he’s married. Men are quick to play dumb and act like a victim. The author said she told her hubby how to spot the signs. Like he has never flirted when he was single. He knows. Hes just playing dumb.

      Reply
    2. RAQUEL

      This comment kinda cracked me up because it’s written in a way that would make one believe that married women don’t know how married men are in the workplace. Like just because a woman is married she’s suddenly blind or totally off-limits to married men. Guess what, married men hit on married women as well, so it’s not like you’ve really shared some deep hidden secret about how married men act at work here. I’m a married woman who has been hit on several times by married coworkers. In fact, I worked with a man whose wife temporarily lived in another state and he invited me to his place for “lunch” more than once.

      Great that YOU have chosen to tell these married men to look elsewhere, but there are plenty of women who actually are predators. Women who find it attractive that a man is committed to his family. They flirt with married men in the workplace and could care less about the ring on his finger or his wife and family at home. I’ve seen it happen plenty times. Know the women who have done it. You can’t be that naive to think it doesn’t happen. I believe the author was addressing those women.

      Reply
    3. Mrs. Jones

      Youre so on point! These married insecure women are lunatics, and this is coming from a married woman. They are so scared to be by themselves, they make single women seem like “desperate whores” who are after their “garbage husbands”. You have to understand these women have nothing going for themselves, but the fact that their married, most of them are uneducated, overweight , unattractive and plain stupid, so just forgive them, because their too dumb to know any better. So next time you see one of these women, just pray for them because theyre too weak to leave their cheating husbands.

      Reply
    4. Kini B

      I completely agree. My husband actually kept inviting one of his female co-workers to hang out with us, almost every weekend. Constantly, she ignored him. I asked him why are you being so persistent about having her over her and he said she is just cool peoples. I get that part but if you are consistently trying to get another to hang out with us( mainly yourself), then of course I am eventually going to get up in your face about it. Just plan stupid. He must of thought I didnt already have clue of what was going on, he was coming on to her. He finally cut it off with her because she ended up dating when of his friends. Our relationship has not been the same since, I find it hard to trust him now.

      Reply
  3. MzCee

    @JazzyMac

    I totally agree 100%. These women choose to blame the woman, but its their husband that’s in control of the situation. Ive been hit on left and right by married men at my job and they can’t understand why I can’t get with the program. They have gone as far to nickname me KIM as in Keep It Moving. Ladies if these women are behaving a certain way around you believe me they have a reason and you need to be checking your husband and not them.

    Reply
  4. Melissa

    I don’t think the author is “blaming” women but rather asking that all parties involved take responsibility for their actions. Truth is, there are many women (and not a few) who flirt, entertain and sometimes, exclusively seek out married men. There are also plenty of married men who seek out, entertain and crave female attention. I’m not a wife but Lord knows I support every married woman I can! It’s not my place to make her feel like she’s not “doing her job” or taking her battle up with the wrong person. It is my responsibility to be my sister’s keeper, respect boundaries and honor marriage vows even if the husband doesn’t. If you turn down a married man’s advances, congratulations and good for you. That’s what you’re SUPPOSED to do. You get it. But then how can you turn right around and lauch into an attack on the wife? That I don’t get. And as for the women who love to claim that wives are insecure for pointing out what ALL WOMEN know is covert attempts by other women at seducing a man, I say please tell the truth and get real! I’d like to know where this prevailing disrespect and contempt for married women is REALLY coming from? Have we as women become so jaded, cynical and selfish that we don’t care what happens to another woman as long as we get what WE want out of it? Hmm.

    Reply
    1. MzCee

      Melissa I was a married woman for 18 years and know the game. Men know the game too. I stood up with my husband and said those vows with HIM not the woman so she’s not obligated to me . HE is and I’m checking him. If your husband is conducting himself like he’s supposed to, then this would never be a problem in the first place. A man knows his obligation is to his wife a REAL on that is and he would never do anything to jeopardize his marriage. There are not as many women seeking married men as there are married men seeking to step out on their wives as they would like you to believe in this article. I respect wives I will never in my life step to another womans husband, but I still say women check your husbands first.

      Reply
      1. VielleRoss

        I’ve never been married but I do agree. If he has a problem with temptation and knows that infidelity may threaten his family, then he should be doing whatever he has to do to avoid anything that could lead to an inappropriate relationship or compromising position if he values his marriage and wants to stay married. And it goes the other way around too.

        Reply
  5. Monique

    As a woman, I don’t feel I should have to set “rules” or “boundaries” around my husband and who or what he considers a friend. I expect my husband to have friends outside the marriage because yes, he’ll need someone to talk to, and it won’t always be needed from a male perspective. When it’s all said and done, it’s up to the man to set boundaries between his home and the people he considers friends, and that goes for male or female. I agree with the fact that if indeed these other women are friends, then yes, I should be introduced as his wife, and there should be no qualms about it. But if being introduced as such creates a backlash in any shape or form, then he needs to be the man to recognize it and correct it; after you stated your opinion of course.

    Reply
  6. Melissa

    MzCee, the author of this post DID check her husband. The problem is when women seem to get in a “huff” when a married woman addresses her inappropriate behavior. I think we can all agree that a wife should deal with her husband FIRST. But why do we as women seem to take offense when the wife decides to address the woman NEXT?

    Reply
  7. Lorri

    I’m a single woman. And my married girlfriends and guy friends who WANT their marriage to work say I should not be friends with a man without knowing their wife. At first, I questioned. But, it makes total sense in protecting your relationship.

    Reply
  8. JazzyMac

    I knew my soapbox was just getting started. Lol. To the women who say “why get offended”? I get offended because the message that is given is blaming women who have nothing to do with a marriage. Lol, OMG. Why get offended? 1) I don’t want ANYTHING to do with this married man. 2) I told him as such. 3) I can’t stand being referred to as “predators”…”hunting” husbands…trying to break up a marriage–JUST BECAUSE I’M SINGLE. 4) I can’t stand lying MEN, period…and the women who just believe them. 5) I’m not only an advocate for my married SISTERS, but ALL SISTERS, who seem to forget what it was like to be single. To the wives: How many times did you go out with your girlfriends “husband hunting”? 6) And yes, offended because while you’re asking why single women are getting offended, you should be asking why wives are making articles bashing “the other woman” (innocent…or guilty)? Is it because of some passive aggressive pass to husbands? I NEVER see articles written “to my husband who likes chasing tail”. Ever. Why is that? Oh I know why…because you don’t want to disrespect your husband by throwing out false accusations (they’re not false, but you see my point). No, you don’t want to accuse your husband–who you are supposed to know up and down like the back of your hand, but you want to accuse someone you have *never* met. Yes, blaming strangers is a lot easier than accepting the fact that your husband…is just like every other man out there: A MAN–good, bad, indifferent…but a man nevertheless.

    I UNDERSTAND, the hard work and trust that is needed to maintain a marriage. I understand it, I respect it, and I love when people are committed. But I have never seen success with women blindly shooting down other women who have nothing to do with said marriage. It makes me feel pretty bad that you feel you are entitled to punish people who you have never met…all to keep one man from potentially cheating on you. It’s sad.

    I have way more to say–this is just the tip of the iceberg…

    Reply
    1. Anonymous

      And in addition to that, the husband is painting this picture to the wife that looks innocent and the wife is calling it the work wife. Talking about she understands their bond.

      Reply
    2. MrsJones

      It takes two to tango, if you know he is married have some damn self respect and leave our husbands alone. Simple as that, its not insecurity but after I have checked my husband damn well believe Im coming for you. You only get a pass if you can prove you didnt know he was married. The two became one, until you have been married walked in our shoes, shut up. Haivng a boyfriend is nothing like having a husband. I was once saying the same thing until I became a wife, its hard out here to make our marriages work with kids, money problems and then I have to deal with some chick who wants my husband too and doesnt care that he is married?! No Im checking both of you, him cause he is MY husband and her cause she made herself apart of my marriage when she allowed herself to get in between our union.

      Reply
      1. MzCee

        MrsJones I was married (18) years and I totally agree with JazzyMac. Your husband made her a part of your marriage when HE CHOSE to sleep with her. Your husband made the vows with YOU. Stop blaming the woman and blame the man laying next to you. He’s accountable for his actions and if he was doing right in the FIRST place no other woman could ever come between you.

        Reply
      2. Mrs. Jones

        Althought we share the same “screen name” we have totally different views.The only person you need to check is your “garbage husband” and this is coming from a married woman. Your husband is the problem, not the woman he is befriending. I couldn’t see lowering my standards by checking a woman he was pursuing. You have got to be the biggest idiot in the world, and in the end, you will be the one looking like a fool with both your husband and the woman he befriended laughing in your face. Also, if it’s that hard to keep your marriage together “out here”, your husband maybe the problem and not the “single women out here”. LOL

        Reply
  9. Eliss

    I have no problem with it because they’re my friends too. Now, if we weren’t friends, it would be problems. I’ve been there and done that (when I wasn’t friends with his female friends), and let’s just say, my ex now has a baby by one of his “friends.”

    Reply
  10. Melissa

    Wow JazzyMac, you obviously feel quite passionate about this subject. And while I respect your opinion, I’m concerned that you’re personally taking offense to this article where none is needed. As you said, and as I agreed, you as a single woman are doing the right thing by turning down the advances of a married man. I too have been hit on by married men in the past. But that didn’t create this deep seated response that now requires that I defend myself to married women and take offense when a married woman gives her perspective on what she and her husband contend with in their marriage. No one is implying that you seduced any married man or invited his unwelcomed advances. I’m sorry if you got that from this article but I didn’t get that from it at all. The author layed out some very specific and very detailed examples of the women and behaviors of women that were offensive to her. I also get where you’re coming from because I think women in general are fed up with everything being blamed on them. Women feel as if men have totally dropped the ball when it comes to accountability whether it be for their marriages, partnerships or raising their children. So the LAST thing a woman wants to hear is one more thing she is or isn’t doing right. I get that totally. But if you’re wrong, you’re wrong. There’s no need to be offended by something that doesn’t apply to you. Women aren’t saints anymore than men are. But to deny that there are women who are on the prowl just so that we can feel justified on holding men’s feet to the fire is irresponsible.

    Reply
  11. JazzyMac

    You know what? Let’s blame the rain and sun. Hey, if it’s too wet outside, that will cause your husband to cheat. If it’s too hot, that causes the clothes to fall off–and there goes cheating!

    Let’s also hold the months of September, October, and November and March responsible for a husband cheating, flirting, and making inappropriate friendships outside the marriage. Who likes those months anyway?

    I can go on. Let’s just blame any, and everyone *outside* of who should be blamed. The husband.

    SMH.

    Reply
    1. MrsJones

      Wait till you have a husband lets see if you are still singing this tune, when the blood is boiling and you cant believe that this woman who was smiling in your face, knew you two are married. Tell me if you would only confront yoru husband then. She made herself apart of it when she agreed to sleep with a man already spoken for.

      Reply
  12. Erica B

    Well I’m married and I thoroughly agree with JazzyMac. We need to stop acting as if our poor defenseless husbands are vulnerable to the feminine wiles of those predatory creatures out there in those streets. If he’s not interest and not trying to get his ego stroked (among other things), he’ll shut that situation down with the quickness. I don’t need to set boundaries for a grown man. He knows right from wrong and not to do anything that would give the appearance of impropriety. And most importantly, not to do anything he wouldn’t do if I were standing there. And as far as work spouses, that’s a bunch of silliness. Tell your husband to get his own damn coffee because that ish ain’t cute.

    Reply
  13. Melissa

    I think there are some very valid arguments being made here. I don’t think the other or “the other Melissa” I completely blaming the other women, as well as I agree with JazzyMac that your husband damn sure can be the leader and control your household if he can’t control his personal actions or penis for that matter. But what I think we are all talking about here is personal accountability. There is clearly a difference between a person of the opposite sex who is merely a friend at work or otherwise, who has no problems being friends with your spouse, and is respectful of your relationship by creating appropriate boundaries themselves for how you interact or relate to someone who is married or in a serious relationship, and the alternative, a person who realizes the qualities that this person possesses that they are missing in their own lives and looks to that person as some sort of “surrogate”. My husband should NOT be the first person you call for relationship advice, financial assistance, or other things because you don’t have a boyfriend or man in your life. As the writer stated, that is not his role, and some men aren’t chasing tail, they are just being good guys who want to help someone or any one in need. There are many woman who play the “needy” role immensely well and manipulate this relationship unfortunately, and if you are one of these women you need to hold yourself accountable for your actions. If you are a man who seeks the attention of being needed by needy women then you too should hold yourself accountable.

    Reply
  14. Melissa

    I think there are some very valid arguments being made here. I don’t think the other or “the other Melissa” are completely blaming the other women, as well as I agree with JazzyMac that your husband damn sure can’t be the leader and control your household if he can’t control his personal actions or penis for that matter. But what I think what we are all talking about here is personal accountability. There is clearly a difference between a person of the opposite sex who is merely a friend at work or otherwise, who has no problems being friends with your spouse, and is respectful of your relationship by creating appropriate boundaries themselves for how you interact or relate to someone who is married or in a serious relationship, and the alternative, a person who realizes the qualities that this person possesses that they are missing in their own lives and looks to that person as some sort of “surrogate”. My husband should NOT be the first person you call for relationship advice, financial assistance, or other things because you don’t have a boyfriend or man in your life. You mean to tell me you don’t have other friends or family you can’t call first? As the writer stated, that is not his role, and some men aren’t chasing tail, they are just being good guys who want to help someone or any one in need. There are many woman who play the “needy” role immensely well and manipulate this relationship unfortunately, and if you are one of these women you need to hold yourself accountable for your actions. If you are a man who seeks the attention of being needed by needy women then you too should hold yourself accountable.

    Reply
  15. Tiana

    I like this article…I am married and currently going through a divorce so I know both sides. I think in a marriage all things should be discussed and a plan that you both agree on makes life together much more peaceful because after you address and issue everyone leaves knowing what the expectations are. That is very mature. And once you address you don’t have to address it again. So I’m sure this wasn’t an ongoing over all conversation. You have to protect your relationship and marriage. You have to be proactive. And AGREEMENT in your marriage and relationships is so important. Husbands and Wives can be suceptable to attention from someone other than their spouse. Doesn’t make neither of them horrible people…just vulnerable and obviously they need to take a look at thermselves and their marriage. But I don’t think the author is attaching women . She is just stating what she considers inappropriate behavior that makes her feel uncomfortable whether intentional or not.

    Reply
  16. JazzyMac

    I’m sorry to all the woman who’s husband defiled and disrespected them and their families by cheating. That’s a horrible thing. However, my point still stands. YES, there are women who search for married men…or “hunt”, what have you. But there are MORE married men who search for women. It’s Animal Kingdom 101–men want to spread their seed as much and as far as they can. Commitment comes second place. They either hide their rings–and don’t “admit” they are married…therefore they can’t be accused of lying; they talk (loudly) about how close they are to a pending divorce and how difficult it is at home–when everything could be as peachy as pie; they compliment, compliment, compliment…coo, cuddle, woo, court, and care for until the woman folds; or they just flat out lie. Here’s a shocker: SOME MARRIED MEN ACT SINGLE.

    Here’s another example. I saw a really cute guy in the gym eyeing me. Hey, no ring…so I asked a mutual associate about his status. When the associate said, “I’ll get back to you”, I knew the guy was married, but wanted to play games for his friend to see how far he/they could get. Less than an hour later, the cute guy calls me and admits he’s married. I said, “Hey, that’s great…I didn’t see a ring, so that’s all good…okay, thanks for calling”. He was not willing to let me get off the phone–he was anxious to see how far he could get, and wanted to be “buddies” and hang out. I said, “not a good idea”. He pursued me for months until he finally trailed off. This is after me, asking his friend if he was married.

    Just like a married woman believes her husband when he lies to her, single woman believe men too.

    No, I have not been married, but I have been with cheating men. They don’t change when they are married; they look exactly the same…only the circumstances are different. I’ve been approached by two married men whose wives were still in the hospital after giving birth. Like, wow. It doesn’t matter, give a cheating man an opportunity, and there is no woman you can blame, no matter how much you want to.

    Reply
    1. VielleRoss

      I hear you JazzyMac. I really do think society gives men too many excuses when it comes to infidelity. With all this temptation out here, what’s a man to do? (sarcasm)

      I think that the committed party should be held totally accountable to their own partner for their indiscretions—cheating doesn’t ‘just happen’—it happens when he/she doesn’t stop before it even gets close to being too deep or he seeks it out acting like he’s single and looking for friends. He should know his limits and be the one shutting down any inappropriate interactions and not taking it there. If he’s a cheater, he’ll find a way to do it.

      At the same time I do think women should have some sense of morality and code of conduct when it comes to dealing with married men. As for the article here I tend to agree for the most part. I think there should be a discussion or some rules when it comes to dealing with opposite sex coworkers and friends because what one is comfortable with, the other may not be. Each spouse should do their best to respect the other’s wishes and avoid jeopardizing their union.

      Reply
  17. Eugenia

    Oh JazzyMac please we get it, you’re beating a dead horse. Sounds like you got yourself in a pickle and now you’re looking for absolution. Stop please.

    Reply
  18. Tracie

    This article has hit home in more ways than one and I have agreed (and disagreed) with alot of the comments that were made… The biggest thing that sticks out to me is the lack of respect, First from a husband that would have a female friend that his wife doesn’t know about and THEN from the female who knows that the husband is keeping her a secret. Yes, your husband is the only one who owes you anything, but I believe in treating people how I want to be treated,
    When I was single and called a male friend I ALWAYS introduced myself to her first-“hello, this is Tracie from such and such etc” until I actually met her and most often she and I hung out :-) If I ever needed to call on someone else’s boyfriend, husband etc for anything repairs etc, his wife/girlfriend was the person I asked permission before placing him in that position, if she said no, who was I to get mad? but more often she was the one who offered, and she was MORE than welcome to come with him- bottom-line it is a woman’s place to respect herself enough to not allow a situation to appear inappropriate even if it is a simple minded man she is dealing with,,, not all men cheat and not all women are willing to mess around with a man in a relationship-but both men and women can learn a lesson in respecting themselves to avoid disrespecting others

    Reply
  19. Krista

    This is all good stuff. I think men are capable of keeping respectful distances in office relationship with associates. I further think that men and women that are married should only have friends that are mutual to both husband and wife whether married or not – this includes pre-marriage friends. We all have to give up to gain. any new comers should be same sex friendships. Associates at work and other places should stay just that. I don’t think any woman would feel comfortable talking and taking advice from any man unless he made her feel that way, which says a lot about what would be going on that the wife doesn’t see. I’ve been married and it wasn’t until my husbnad became unhappy that he started having “friends”. I work with men – married and single and you can tell a happily married guy because we can chat it up but he never crosses the line (neither do I) we don’t exchange numbers, we don’t make plans for after work, it’s a work relationship and it’s left at work – friends/associates with boundaries that don’t even have to be discussed. There is definitely something wrong with the husband in this article or she is kidding for the sake of writing. Because having to discuss what the “latest” woman is doing to flirt and how to stop her seems a bit strange. He should have stopped her period. If it’s something that keeps happening either her husband is super fine or he’s not telling the truth and gets a kick out of these conversations with his wife. I do agree wit the commentor that stated, it’s good for couples to come together to discuss issues and come to mutual understanding and agreement on how to handle something. But after you have a game plan you already what to do. If you have a woman that’s stalking you then this is different but this doesn’t seem the case. This is almost comical and unbelievable.

    Reply
  20. JazzyMac

    No pickles, no absolution–I just vehemently disagree with this article and I hope women don’t go around blaming strangers for their husbands cheating. Sorry if you think it’s a dead horse (you don’t have to read them!), but my comments don’t trump these articles I see in every magazine, every website page, day in and day out. I will tout it over and over again until married people get it. Single women are not to blame for married men’s indiscretions!

    Reply
  21. DaQueen

    Wow!  VERY interesting article, and the comments, even more interesting!  I don’t think the author is blaming other women though.  I also think there are as many articles out there condemning men of cheating as there are articles about single women going after married men.  Relationships have always been a hot topic, so there are always numerous articles that deal with various aspects of relationships.  I think that many times, if we are passionate about the particular subject matter, it stands out to us, and we notice it more than others.  With regards to who’s to blame in these types of situations, I believe the primary blame lies with the married person.  They took the vows and it’s their responsibility to uphold them.  That doesn’t leave the woman free of blame if she knowingly partakes in the deception; it just means they don’t have the same obligation as the married man.  If you knowingly partake in deception with a married man or woman, you are out of line.  If you accept their advances, you (just like the married man or woman) are out of line.  If you actively seek-out a married man (or woman), then you’re out of line, whether you took the vows or not.  However, if you reject the advances, you do not share in the blame.

    Having said that, I think that every couple should do what works best for their relationship as it relates to friends of the opposite sex.  As for  me, I don’t do the female friend thing.  This is nothing new for me; I’ve taken this stance as long as I can remember.  I expect that there will be associates and others you will encounter on a daily basis; however, the operative word here is “associate”.  Beyond that, there needs to be no other “buddy” or “friend-ing” going on.  That means email, phone calls, whatever.  It’s not that I don’t think it’s possible, it’s just not practical.  My thoughts are that marriage is enough work without introducing any other potential issues.    And yes, I told my husband this long before we got married.  I was upfront with my feelings about this matter from the jump.

    Reply
  22. single4now

    Wow….A woman who blames “The other” woman know she will continue accept what her HUSBAND is doing. Know your worth and stop taking his crap.

    Reply
  23. Carolyn

    WOW!! This very topic of conversation was just held in our home yesterday, tuesday,and monday. My husband has female friends that he has known since grade school (lucky me) and to be honest I don’t like it very much! We have had several talks about this. He knows how I feel and he is still friends with these women! This is my second marriage and his first. I also had men friends but when I married for the first time I cut all tides with my male friends and I mean we were good friends, I remember a good,good, friend telling me “Hey we can still be friends after all that’s all we ever were” you don’t have to give up your friends just because you are married! Well I did and now to be honest I wish I still had some of them guys because they were so nice and we were just friends!
    Now 9/21/2012 that I have remarried and my husband has his female friends I admit I don’t like it because I feel that sometimes the relationship gets to be a bit much and that he should be giving me all that time and attention.
    He knows that I dont like his friendship with these women but he continues to let them in our lives!

    Reply
  24. Carolyn

    How about somne of the Husbands getting real with themselves and not putting themselves in these relationships with their so called friends! Just saying.

    Reply
  25. nic

    I don’t agree with this article. A married man has the duty to set boundaries and to set them in a way that lets other women know that he is off limits. If he is not doing that, then he is not doing his due diligence as a husband. That being said 2 of my best friends for the past 15 yrs are male. Our friendships are strictly platonic. I talk to them as I would any of my girlfriends. When I get in a relationship (yes I’m single), I tell him immediately about my friends and how our friendships work. If the relationship gets to a point where they meet my friends, then they already know what to expect. Now, my friends orslwpsignificant others are very insecure about their friendship with me….despite th

    Reply
  26. nic

    Despite the fact that it is very obvious that I have absolutely no romantic interest in either of them. It actually makes me a lil nauseated to think about it. They still treat me like I’m suspect. That’s just insecurity in your relationship ….and if you are that unsure then maybe you haven’t found the one yet. The craziest part is that I’ve always advocated for these women because I recognize my friends are better men with them.

    Reply
  27. Pingback: What If Your Spouses Best Friend was of the Opposite Sex? | Black and Married With Kids.com - A Positive Image of Marriage and Family

Add Comment Register



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>