A recent response to an earlier post titled “When a Couple is in Trouble, What Do You Do?” is the inspiration for this article. A reader shared the following comment “I love this article. Several years ago, I attended the Hindu wedding of a friend of mine. As part of the ceremony, both the bride and groom had selected someone to serve the very role that you describe in the article. They selected the groom’s older brother and his sister to serve as their marriage coaches and cheerleaders. They came up during the ceremony and took “vows” (so to speak) of their own. I loved that idea, and whenever I get married, I definitely plan to incorporate that into my ceremony.
I am familiar with unofficial marriage coaches, those people a couple might lean on or go to when challenges arise, but to hear it included as part of the official wedding ceremony was both innovative and amazing to me. I absolutely love this idea and wish more weddings incorporated this tradition. All marriages need a support system. There are usually hundreds of guests who attend our weddings. Hopefully, the majority of those people want the best for us and will do their part in supporting us. But having designated individuals or couples to hold a marriage up is ideal.
The purpose of any marriage coach or cheerleader is to have a system in place of the people a couple trusts the most who both can turn to for guidance, love and the absolute truth. Sometimes it’s not as easy to find. If you need help on determining who would make great marriage champions for your union, here’s what to look for:
A person or couple who respects your confidentiality. This is a serious responsibility and not just anyone can fill it. It must be someone who knows the value of not sharing your personal information with others.
A person or couple who will always tell you the truth. We don’t need someone who will just pacify us. Honesty, even when we’re wrong, helps us grow as a couple.
A person who is also in a committed relationship. Someone who can relate to the benefits and challenges that come along with a marriage is always best.
A person who values marriage. This individual must acknowledge the significance of healthy marriages in our community and be able to support you with that idea in mind.
A person or couple who love you both. They must be a friend to and be rooting for your marriages success (not just either individual).
A person or couple who truly wants to see you happy. Again, if it is someone who loves you both, they will be an advocate for the positive development of your union as well as your happiness.
Love and marriage aren’t always easy, even though we feel great when we enter into our partnerships. In order to build and maintain a healthy love, we need to surround ourselves with those who have only the best intentions for our marriage. The bottom line is we all need marriage coaches and cheerleaders.
BMWK, who are your marriage coaches and cheerleaders?