If it was up to reality television, a lot of people of different races would probably think that black women couldn’t get together without drink throwing, bottle chucking, and shoes coming off before someone’s weave is snatched. We’ve debated that topic before. Many of us can accept that this is not our reality. We can get together and be civilized and not go through the motions of acting a fool in public places. But there is still an elephant in the room: black women really can’t stand other black women.
Let me make it clear that this is not the case for all of us. Please read that again. This is not everyone’s truth. But unfortunately, we have some sort of bitterness towards each other for one reason or another. I can’t tell you how many times my mom and I have gone out shopping and we get these looks from other black women as if we did something to them. We don’t know these ladies and yet they spew venom with just an evil glare. I’ve gone to places where a black woman is working, and get met with an attitude no matter how nice I am. I just don’t understand it.
I pretty much smile at whoever I make eye contact with. It’s just a habit. But I really make it a point to do so when I make eye contact with another black woman. And can you believe sometimes I get a response like an eye roll or a scowl? Woah, I don’t even know you. Why are you mad at me? It used to make me extremely uncomfortable growing up. I would feel like black women were staring at me and talking about me and I never knew what I did. As I continued to grow, I kept experiencing it and it was just sort of the norm.
The reasons could vary. You should see the negative conversation that happens when it comes to skin color. I’ve heard snide remarks about another sista’s clothing or hairstyle. Your job, your car, your home, anything is up for grabs for some women to talk about. I just don’t understand why. We tear down ladies who look just like us for no reason. People don’t like Jada. Folks talk about Gabby’s hair. Women aren’t satisfied with Halle. And don’t even get them started about Beyonce. It’s just a bunch of negative energy directed towards each other.
We should be embracing one another, not tearing each other down. The attitudes should disappear. Smile, don’t scowl, at the next black woman you see. Don’t think the worst of her, think the best of her. We allow jealousy and envy to get in the way of finding common ground. The ladies you’re talking down to have feelings. The women you refused to smile at may have really needed that smile. The one you think you’re better than could be in the same position as you.
I want to see us continue to build each other up, support each other, and love each other. We’ve been doing better, but there’s still a lot of room for improvement. We have to help each other, not hurt each other.
Oprah has been discussing the Terrible Things that Women Do to Each Other during her Life Class. Check out this video about why women compete with one another: