As I continue my adventures in dating, I met a male model. Not the “I’m really a waiter by day” model, but the “I’m signed to an international agency and gracing billboards” model. I was blown away by his sparkling smile, smooth skin, piercing eyes and overall goodness. It took a second to concentrate on the words coming out of his mouth. He, too, focused on outer appearances and gave me countless compliments. When he introduced me to his crew, his cousin commented that if I wasn’t pretty, his model relative would definitely get an earful. I smiled and said that pretty isn’t enough. That you have to have substance under the surface. I remembered a joke my aunt told me. When you’re in your twenties, you date someone for their looks. In your thirties, you look for personality. And in your forties, you want someone who is financially secure. I laughed and said, perhaps there’s a man who is all three! Although the model is more than a pretty face””he’s actually pretty funny on dates””I wondered why women let looks distract them at times. I’ve been guilty of this in my past. No matter your age, a good-looking guy gets away with more dirt than the average Joe. So, I thought of five expectations you should still set when dating gorgeous guys.
Don’t be overly available for a man who won’t fit you into his schedule. For instance, does he want you to fly out for a visit but won’t take you on a date when he’s in your town? Does he take you on fake dates? In other words, when you get together, are other people along for drinks? Does he only ask you out for coffee, because he’s still deciding if he should pay for a real meal? Of course, economic times are tough, but there are tons of fun and free activities to enjoy, like taking a walk in the park or going to the museum. Just don’t drop everything and change your plans, because he happens to call or text (See #3). Good looks aren’t enough to take a 15 hour Megabus trip to see someone!
I know negotiables isn’t really a word, but hear me out. One of my male friends always gives this advice to women in our circle. If you are adamant against dating someone with children, don’t. Don’t waste someone’s time when you are uninterested in signing for the entire package. Don’t believe the hype. There are lots of Black men without children, so don’t date one with kids if you won’t accept them. Unless they are put up for adoption, they aren’t going anywhere anytime soon. Likewise, if your religious rules are something you won’t bend, don’t go out with someone who never goes to church, or reads the Bible if you’re in the choir, and on several committees. I’m not saying not to be open-minded. But I am saying if you know there are things you absolutely won’t reconsider, don’t change your views for a moment, for a good ““looking guy. Trust me, you won’t change your core over time. My sister made up an analogy once about non-negotiables. If someone gives you a plate with mushrooms, peppers, onions and meatballs but no noodles, you aren’t eating spaghetti.
As mentioned in previous articles, I’m anti too much technology. I love email, social media and cell phones, but I try to strike a healthy balance between my devices. If a man wants to talk to you, he’ll pick up the phone and call! It’s OK to text a question, or a quick line or two, but when you can’t remember what the guy’s voice sounds like and your fingers are developing callouses, there’s a problem. You shouldn’t hold every conversation with texts, or instant messages. Communication is key!
Not everyone you meet is your husband. But, you have to date to get down the aisle. Well, unless there’s an arranged marriage or divine intervention. So, get in a little practice and interact with the opposite sex. That doesn’t mean you have to have sex! But then again, you’re grown. Don’t let others judge you, because chances are they aren’t living up to the standards they’re setting for your life. Dating is a great way to make new friends, travel and live life to the fullest.
Back to the model at the beginning of this article. He thought I was sexy BECAUSE I was a mom, compared me to Jane Kennedy and loved the things I am a bit self-conscious of concerning my body. I always had healthy self-esteem and never chased compliments. But nonetheless, knowing that I went out with one of America’s sexiest bachelors (Not just my opinion, was actually written up about him”...lol), I felt good. I didn’t date for a year, to heal from a breakup and focus on my new baby girl, so it’s a big boost to my confidence to know I won’t have trouble getting a date in the future!
Take my advice for what it’s worth! My father thinks it’s hilarious that I give relationship advice when I’m single. I tell him that I choose to be single. There’s a difference”...lol.