Jealousy, anger, complacency, revenge and fatigue are just a few of the actions that creep into our homes, take over our bodies and prevent our ability to connect physically. These actions also prevent our marriages from producing the joy that they should.
All of these behaviors may make for a great mini-series on Lifetime television, but not one of these has any right to dwell in a marriage.
Jealousy, which can show up in a couple of different ways, cripples a relationship. It can appear when we’re jealous of another person getting our spouse’s attention, or when we’re envious of our spouse’s success. Sometimes we don’t realize how to handle the emotions that surface. When they do appear they show up in the form of disagreements, ineffective communication or no communication at all; which all directly affect our desire to be intimate. If our focus is on worrying about whom else might draw our spouse’s attention, then our spouse is no longer our primary focus. We must bring our concentration back to making the marriage the absolute best it can be. Trusting in the fact that our spouse chose us for a reason is critical.
Anger is damaging whether it shows up in a marriage or in other parts of our lives. Those who hold on to anger and use it to hurt other people are sabotaging their own joy and peace of mind. Of course, when we are angry, the very last thing we want to do is be touched or held by our mates. We won’t pretend or even suggest that we never get angry. It isn’t realistic. But what if we controlled the anger instead of allowing it to control us. First, determine what made us so angry and why it did, then address it with our partner. We’re going to get angry, but we must have solutions in place so that we aren’t holding on to it and letting it destroy what we’ve built.
Complacency is one of the most common reasons we miss opportunities to physically love on our spouses. Couples get comfortable with one another and for some odd reason think we no longer have to try as hard. This is FALSE. We have to work even harder; we can’t allow complacency to prevent us from putting effort into creating a happy, healthy partnership. Keep the results in mind. You get back what you put in.
Revenge is a big no-no in marriage. Some of us are using sex as a weapon or as a power tool to get what we want or get even. I am urging anyone who does that to stop it, and stop it now. Our intimate connections are for both partners enjoyment, not to be held over the head of the other.
Fatigue is the most legit reason our intimacy suffers. Work and family life will both definitely play a role in how we physically feel. In order to not feel so overwhelmed, we must delegate and ask for help when we need it. Sharing with our spouse that we need help in certain areas creates an honesty, and an open line of communication, resulting in a greater connection in the end.
The above are just a few of the things that affect our relationships. We have to make love and loving on our spouse a number one priority. The more connected we are the better we feel, and our marriages deserve the best from us.
BMWK, what do you feel affects a couple’s intimacy and what can we do about it?