I have never really been one of those really big complainers. I normally go with the flow and look for the silver lining in even my most challenging of situations. However, life and relationships always bring certain circumstances into our existence that drives even the best of us into complaint mode. Going into detail about something we were disappointed about is natural. But knowing who to have these conversations with is what’s most important.
When sharing our lives with another person it is almost a guarantee that they, at some point, are going to drive us absolutely crazy. On occasion their bad habits are going to feel unbearable. They are going to say or do something we don’t like or we’re going to be of the opinion that they have not considered our feelings. Various events will take place during the course of a relationship to stretch us, challenge us, and yes provide a reason to complain.
But before we run off to grumble we must take each of the following into consideration:
The thing we want to whine about can actually be resolved if we simply communicate it to our partner. We must be willing to turn complaint mode into solution thinking.
If we still feel the urge to vent, we must be careful in selecting the person with whom we will share. This person should be trustworthy, honest, values marriage and truly loves us. Unfortunately, not everyone in our lives is rooting for our marriage success. Once we determine who those individuals are we make a mental note and are mindful of the information we share with that person.
Take a deep breath and meditate over the situation prior to sharing it with someone other than your spouse. Enjoying our alone time in a quiet and peaceful space allows us to completely clear our minds in order to regroup and refocus.
Asking ourselves what we stand to gain by complaining is an instant eye opener. We immediately see that we don’t normally feel any better as a result. So why even waste our time.
As we continue on this life and relationship journey we can’t lose sight of what is truly important. Being loved and giving love is what most of us seek. The focus should be on what is working in our relationships and adding more of that instead of focusing on what isn’t working without creating a realistic solution.
BMWK family, who do you complain to about your relationship? Has complaining to others ever backfired on you?